Pulling back from Dad, I sighed. “I should maybe go to bed.”
“Your sister has been waiting on Skype for you. You want to talk to her?” Dad asked.
I nodded, feeling a little crack appear in my armor. It sucked that Andie wasn’t here. It had been a long time since I really needed a hug from my big sister.
The laptop was waiting for me in the dining room and I slid into the chair at the head of the table. After sending her an invite, her face popped up on screen.
“Hey, Supergirl,” she greeted me sadly, “how are you?”
I shrugged, holding it together.
“Oh, sweetie,” Andie leaned closer, “do you need me to come home?”
“No,” I shook my head. “Don’t ruin your trip. I’m fine. I’m just worried about Jake.”
Andie grimaced. “Poor kid. He’s going through a lot.”
“He won’t answer my calls, Andie. I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night. I don’t know what to do.”
“Give him time. I imagine he’s in a pretty dark place right now. And don’t feel bad that he’s not letting you in. Sometimes people just need alone time. No matter how much you love someone, you can’t always be what they need in that moment.”
Grasping onto that, I whispered, “You think?”
“Yes, sweetie, I do.” Her brows puckered together as she searched my face. “Now what about you? How are you handling it? Mom told me you were there. That you tried to help Brett.”
His eyes were imprinted on my brain.
My lips trembled, this feeling building up from my chest, this pressure, a need to let it blow out like a massive gust of wind. “I felt so helpless,” my voice cracked on the last word, my eyes dropping. “He was so scared and he was just looking at me, silently pleading with me to do something.” The sobs burst forth, my shoulders shaking, my ribs rattling. “I can’t get it out of my head.”
“Ssshh, sweetie, it’s okay.”
I shook my head, unable to see her through the tears. “It’s not. It’s not. I tried to help and then he was gone and … and,” I took a shuddering breath, “I kept thinking ‘I’m so glad it wasn’t Jake.’”
I jolted a little at the feel of my dad’s strong arm encircling my shoulders, pulling me back against him. His lips brushed my forehead and I sagged against him, crying harder than I ever remember crying.
Staring at the tributes placed at the foot of Brett’s locker, I barely heard the bell ring. Shell-shocked students pushed past as they hurried to get to class while I remained frozen on the spot.
Brett’s funeral was to be held on Thursday.
I shook myself, looking around as the halls started to empty. Since stepping foot on school grounds that morning, I’d felt alone. I saw that Lacey’s eyes were red from crying, but not once did they settle on me. She was ashamed. Probably feeling guilty for her part in it. If we’d been friends, I would’ve told her to learn from it, to not let it eat at her, to let it help her grow the heck up. But we weren’t friends. Her boyfriend was dead. All it would’ve taken was a small twist of chance and it might’ve been Jake everyone was grieving for.
I couldn’t bear the thought of it.
Jake wasn’t in school; neither was Lukas. They were probably waiting for the flames to die down.
When I walked into school, to my surprise it was a quiet Alex who kept me company. From him I’d discovered that Trenton Thomas had been arrested for disturbing the peace outside of Jake’s house last night. Luckily that cruiser had been sitting there and they took him in before he could do much damage. As soon as Alex told me, I sent a text to Jake asking if he was okay.
It was past lunchtime now and still I’d heard nothing back.
Alex and I had sat in the cafeteria by ourselves, not talking but keeping each other company nonetheless. There was no Alex now. He wasn’t in my next class or the one after.
Screw this, I thought.
My feet took me out of the school, out the gates, through town, and forty-five minutes later, I was at Jake’s.
The sight of Mrs. C. on her knees, yellow rubber gloves on, scrubbing at the porch, made me slow to a halt, annoyance and frustration ripping through me. My eyes washed over the porch, catching sight of dried yoke and eggshells.
Mrs. C. glanced up at me, her eyes tired. “Why aren’t you in school, Charley?”
I shrugged and then gestured to their house. “You okay?”
“It’s the second time it’s happened since we moved here.” She sat back on her heels, her mouth tight.
“There are a couple of idiots in this town, Mrs. C. You just have to ignore them.” I knew that was easy for me to say. My house hadn’t just gotten egged. “Can I help?”
She shook her head. “Not with this.”
“With Jake, then?”
Mrs. C. ripped off her rubber glove and ran a shaky hand through her dark hair. “He says he doesn’t want to see anyone, but frankly, I’m just so past the point of worried right now … I think you should go up. See if you can get him to talk.”
I nodded. “I’ll try.”
The music throbbing from his room meant that he probably didn’t hear me climb the stairs or cross the hallway. When I pushed his door open, my gaze zeroed in on him lying on his bed, his hands behind his head as he stared at the ceiling, listening to some screaming band he’d never shared with me.
Thank God, because they sucked.
He lowered his gaze and the breath was knocked out of me at the emptiness in his eyes. “I don’t want to talk to anyone,” he told me flatly, returning his focus to the ceiling.
I’d never encountered this Jake. If we were mad at each other, we were loud about it. This emotionless robot scared the crap out of me.
But for him, I’d be brave.
As I shrugged out of my jacket, I kicked off my shoes. Quietly I crossed the room and lay down beside him, careful not to touch him. My own eyes met the ceiling.
“You don’t have to talk,” I promised him. And he didn’t. All I wanted was to remind him that he wasn’t alone. That he had me if he needed me.
My hope was that eventually he might say something, but I met my match in Jacob Caplin because he kept his mouth zipped for two and a half hours, replaying the screaming band until my ears almost started bleeding. Finally my mom called and I had to admit defeat for the day and go home.
“I have to go.” I leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, but he didn’t move, didn’t even flinch. I held my sigh in and got up. “When you’re ready, I’m here. I love you, Jake.”