Marcus came out to get me for lunch, and I went inside to eat with him, Ms. Mary, and Fran. Everyone seemed quiet, so I didn’t talk much either. Fran mentioned she needed to write up a list of cleaning supplies to be picked up from the store, and Marcus made us all laugh with stories about the new guy at the front gate. Ms. Mary seemed nervous about something, and Fran wouldn’t meet my eyes. Only Marcus seemed his normal self. After we ate, I started cleaning and preparing the fresh fruit Ms. Mary had bought from the farmers’ market.
I tried to stay focused on my job, and at dinnertime, when Jax still hadn’t returned to the gazebo, I agreed to a chess match with Mr. Greg. I’d put him off several times the past week because Jax had always been waiting on me. Although I seemed to be getting better, and had even won a few matches recently, today Mr. Greg won because my mind stayed on Jax. I let the older man gloat, and I smiled at his teasing, and then went inside to the kitchen.
Marcus stood over by the table with a tray of food. He smiled at me. “Hey you. Who won the chess game? I saw you two hard at it when I came in.”
I smiled and shrugged. “He did. I was off my game tonight.”
Marcus frowned and sighed. “Yeah, I can understand. You two have been inseparable lately. I can see why her arrival would bother you.”
His words startled me. “What do you mean? Her who?”
Marcus darted his eyes at Ms. Mary who made a “tsking” sound, but kept her back to the both of us.
“Uh, sorry, I thought you knew. I, um….” He paused and shuffled his feet like he would rather leave the room.
Ms. Mary let out a sigh. “Go ahead and get it out, boy. You done let the cat out of the bag. Don’t leave her to wonder.”
Marcus nodded and said to me, “I don’t know how much of the celebrity stuff you read, but Star Holloway, the Pop Princess, and Jax have been an item for awhile now. Even before he came here this summer. She flew in on his private jet this afternoon and is staying the night before she heads back out to finish her tour.”
My knees went weak.
“Now, don’t go making it sound worse than it is, boy,” Ms. Mary scolded. “I believe she is just a friend of Master Jax. The way he has been following you around like a puppy dog, I can’t fathom he has another girl on the side.”
I couldn’t form words. I stared at Marcus, who shrugged. I didn't know what to say or what to think. I needed time alone, so I headed to the laundry to change. The idea that Jax had a pop star girlfriend didn’t make sense to me. He’d never spoke of her before. I didn’t think Marcus would lie to me. Star Holloway was in this house, and she also happened to be the reason Jax never came back. It hurt that he never took the time to explain. But then again, what could he tell his guest, “Excuse me, but I need to go tell the kitchen help you’re here and I won’t be coming back to see her today?” I mean, really this situation would be hard to grasp for someone in his world. I took a deep breath and reminded myself I knew all along a relationship with him was impossible. He was a rock star, and I worked in his kitchen and his garden. I walked right into a situation with no happy ending, and I knew it, but took that road anyway, just because a pair of steel blue eyes made my heart race, and a boyish grin made me melt. Stupid might be too kind of a word for me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stepped out of the laundry.
I walked past Ms. Mary, who stood wringing her hands waiting for me. “I knew you was gonna get hurt,” she said with worry in her voice.
I bit my bottom lip, still not trusting myself to speak.
“You wait, now, on Marcus. He’ll take you home.”
The thought of having to talk to Marcus, and waiting at the house any longer while Jax sat in the dining room with a Pop Princess, who for obvious reasons made a much better match for him than I did, panicked me. I needed to escape. I swallowed again and said to Ms. Mary, “I’m fine, but I want to go home now. I’ll see you in the morning. A bike ride is just what I need.”
I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes. Ms. Mary frowned and reminded me to be careful. I headed home as quickly as I could. The further away I got, the harder it seemed to return. The thought of going back hurt so badly I wasn’t sure I could do it. I’m only so strong; I have a breaking point. I’d asked for this when I agreed to this thing with Jax. I’d allowed myself to be dazzled by his good looks and charming personality. His intense eyes and boyish grin somehow made me stupid and careless. I needed protection from myself. The horrifying thought that I might be like my mother hit me, and tears burned my eyes.
I stopped at the public beach. A walk would help calm me down before I went home to face Jessica. Amanda started coming down from the lifeguard stand. When she saw me, she shot her carefree, bubbly grin at me.
“Sadie! I called you just this morning, but I didn't get an answer. I left a message though. So, are you coming?”
I’d forgotten about the party. “Um, sure, I’ll come.”
She appeared genuinely happy. I couldn’t figure out why this nice, cheerful girl seemed so anxious to be my friend.
“About the lifeguarding job. How much does it pay?”
She beamed at me again, apparently thrilled at the idea of my being a lifeguard. “Twelve dollars an hour, and you get the benefits of being on the beach all day!”
That was good money. Not as much as I made now, but close enough. “All right, if I were interested, what would I need to do?”
She grabbed my hand and led me over to the building located off the boardwalk, with bathrooms, a beach bar and some offices. “You need to go in there and see Jerry in the morning. He can give you all your info. There is endurance training and a few days of classes. Depending on how well you do is how long it takes. But Cherry just quit last week, and we are short a lifeguard, so now is a good time to go see him.”
I nodded and tucked the information away. “Thanks, I will see you tomorrow night then.”
Amanda smiled brightly. “Cool, see ya.”
I turned and walked down the beach. I’d worn shorts and a blue tank top, but the evening breeze still held the day’s warmth, so it didn’t matter. I walked to the edge of the public beach and sat down on one of the deserted wooden chair rentals. Without the cushions that came with them, they were a little painful, but not so much I’d sit on the beach and get all sandy.
I lay back and closed my eyes, letting the sound of the ocean waves soothe me. I’d let this happen. I knew when I agreed to spend time with Jax I would end up caring way too much. He’d never said we were exclusive. He never said he loved me. Yes, he said many other things, like me being his air and needing me, but now all of those words seemed almost unreal. Frustrated with myself for doing exactly what every other girl in America would do, I wasn’t any different from the rest of them. His eyes and smile melted me and sent warm shivers down my spine. I needed to get a grip and get over it. Jax liked spending time with me because I happened to be a no strings attached deal. He liked being around me because I didn’t think everything he did was wonderful. He had enough admirers. He didn’t ask or require my love. I went and fell in love with him of my own free will. I rubbed my eyes with my fist and fought the stupid tears spilling out. Crying would not help this or make it get better. Yet, here I sat alone on the beach crying like a lovesick loser.