If hearts could shatter, mine just did.
Marcus took my hand and gently pulled me away from Jax toward his truck. I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t. As if he heard my thoughts, Jax turned toward me with a haunted expression in his eyes. I stopped walking, and Marcus dropped his hand from mine.
I heard Marcus’s frustrated sigh before he said, “I hope you know what you’re doing, Sadie. He is only going to hurt you.”
I nodded because I knew he was right. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Marcus deserved an explanation, but I wouldn’t give him one. This was between Jax and me. I stepped forward and glanced back at my friend. “I have to.” It was the best explanation I could give him. I turned and left him there and walked back to Jax. A relieved smile spread over Jax’s face. I almost laughed when he took a deep breath as if he had been holding it, waiting to see if I would come back.
He squinted against the glare of the setting sun. “You were right. You should have left with him.”
I shook my head. “I tried, but I couldn’t do it.”
He reached out and took my hand in his. A warm tingly sensation coursed up my arm and through every other limb of my body.
“Come on, Sadie, let’s go for a walk.”
We held hands as we walked along the edge of the water. Neither of us spoke. I came back to him because I couldn’t walk away. I needed to know why he had come for me, but I didn’t ask. I just waited. Finally, he stopped and stared down at me.
“Do you know why I didn’t want Marcus to take you home?”
Allowing myself to believe he missed me wasn’t a safe path for my thoughts. I shook my head no.
Jax let out a small laugh. “I’m jealous, Sadie.”
I stood there, trying to let his admission sink in. If he said he missed me, I could believe him. Jealousy, however, seemed too hard to comprehend. “I’ve stood in my room watching the two of you drive away for the past two weeks, and it killed me each time I watched you leave with him. I would sit in my room and contemplate how I would handle it if you fell for him. How could I stay here and watch you look at him with those breathtaking eyes the way I wanted to see you looking at me?”
He ran his hand through his long dark hair and sighed. “Tonight I couldn’t stay in my room. I watched you out here all by yourself and fought the urge to come to you. Then he came walking out, and I watched the two of you together for longer than I should have. My resolve to stay away from you broke, and I made my way out here before I could stop myself.”
A frown creased his forehead, and he turned away. “He seems like a man who knows what he wants, and the problem is he wants what I want. If it were anything or anyone else, I could stand back and let him take it.” His blue eyes gazed back at me. “But I can’t let him have you.”
If he only knew how my every thought wrapped around him. “Marcus will always just be my friend. My feelings for him will never run any deeper than that.”
Jax reached out and twirled one of my loose curls around his finger. I held my breath and watched him. Finally, after a moment, he tucked it behind my ear.
“I’m afraid I won’t be able to sit back and watch you from a distance anymore. Trust me when I tell you I have tried hard to push you from my thoughts.” He stepped toward the water, focusing on something far off. “My life hasn’t been normal for years. This is the only time I get to be just me. The rest of the time, I’m on the road, and, several times, I am in the air on my way to Tokyo, Paris, or even Rome. I travel constantly. My name is all over the magazines with pictures of girls I am supposed to be in relationships with, but the fact is I have no time for a relationship. If another famous female teen is in the vicinity, they get our pictures taken together. It is just what is done and expected.”
He spoke of a guy I didn’t know. I hated being reminded that he was this untouchable idol. He turned back to me and smiled sadly.
“It’s selfish of me, but I don’t think I can stand it anymore. What little time I have for an average life....” He spread his hands out at the house and beachfront property around him and gave me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Well, as average as my life can get, I want to spend with you. When I'm on the road this year, traveling from city to city, I want to have the memories of my time with you to keep me warm.”
He held out his hands as if offering himself. “I don’t want to beg or promise you things I can’t give you. There isn’t much of me to give, but what I have is yours. This is all up to you, Sadie. If you want me, I’m yours. If you can’t do this, then I will walk away and leave you alone. I swear.”
I stood and stared at the guy standing in front of me, and I knew I should tell him “no” and walk away. My heart reminded me with a loud thump in my chest I would always regret not saying “yes.” I doubted I’d ever feel the same way about anyone ever again. I stepped forward, and he immediately reached for me and pulled me against him. We stood there, me wrapped in his arms for a while before moving or speaking. I knew it wasn’t the smartest decision because, when September rolled around and summer was gone, I would just become the summer girl. Right now, nothing else mattered.
I whispered against his chest loud enough for him to hear me, “I want whatever part of you I can have.”
His arms tightened around me. This might eventually shatter me. I loved Jax. His lips touched my head, and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sweetness of the moment. No one else’s arms could ever feel this right.
“I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I don’t want to waste a minute,” he said, and I nodded against his chest, and then leaned back and smiled up at him.
“Tomorrow, will you go deep sea fishing with me?”
I faltered at his question. I worked every day but Sunday, he knew my hours.
“I still have a job,” I reminded him.
Jax frowned and shook his head. “You’re not still going to work for me.”
I stiffened.
“Jax, I have to work. If you don’t want me here, I have to go find another job.”
He placed a finger over my lips and shook his head. “No, I’ll take care of your bills and needs.”
I stepped back away from his arms. My stomach clenched. I would not be like my mother. I didn’t need a man to take care of me. He wasn’t going to pay me to spend time with him. I took a deep breath hoping I could explain this so he understood.