But when I looked at Aiden, he didn’t seem to gloat over my indecision. No. His face was cautious. Patient.
I decided that if I was ever going to be okay, I needed to face my fears. And my biggest one right now was being alone with Aiden.
Turning back to the car, I ducked my head. “We’ll meet tomorrow?” I asked the girls. Already, my pulse was speeding up, scared of what would happen when Kira’s car pulled away.
“Sounds good,” Leona said from the backseat, waving me off. Poor thing. She was so distraught over getting busted by Aiden. Not good for her self-esteem.
“Or just call us when you get up. In case you need to sleep in.” Kira raised her eyebrow at me. I frowned at her.
“Bye, Aiden,” Izzie said. He waved to her.
I watched nervously as Kira rolled up her window and drove her car into the street. I stood with my back to Aiden, totally regretting this decision.
I was all alone with my ex-boyfriend. Great Gatsby! This was a bad idea.
Everything about Aiden’s car was the same. The smell. The pile of uniforms and workout clothes scattered across the backseat. It made me feel homesick—that longing for another place. Another time. I cleared my throat and busied myself by scrolling through my phone.
“Been a while since I got to drive you anywhere,” he said after he got in. I looked over at him, and we sat there awkwardly until he started the car.
“So you said you had information?” I asked as we drove through the dark Redmond streets. There were no streetlights through the hills, something about people not wanting to disturb nature. The blackness outside the windows made Aiden and I feel even more alone together. I gulped.
“Right,” he said, almost disappointed. I wondered if he thought I had a different reason for getting in his car. “Well, Darrell called me the other day, wanted to talk about you. He said he sent you a pissed off e-mail.”
“He did.” I hadn’t told Kira about that. I thought it might hurt her feelings. She’d been very attracted to Darrell for several months until he had cheated on her last year.
“Well, first I told him I was going to beat his ass.”
I smiled and looked over at him. He was staring ahead, navigating the winding road. It was sort of cute that he threatened physical violence against anyone who crossed me. Not that I condoned it.
“Then I made him tell me everything he knew.”
I straightened my posture. “He knew who told on us?”
“No,” Aiden sighed. “But whoever it was told Blaze during class, passed him a note or something. At least, that’s what Darrell heard. So start by checking his schedule.”
“This is good. Thanks.”
Aiden grinned. “No problem, baby.”
Baby. I blinked a few times and turned away. I didn’t want him to call me that. I couldn’t handle hearing that. My eyes began to water.
“Tessa?”
“Stop.” I needed him to stop talking. I was afraid of what would come next.
“I know I promised to behave, but I have to say some things. I miss you. I can’t stand my life without you.” It all came out in one breathless second, like he’d been waiting a long time to say it. “And then seeing his name on your cast … I just can’t stand it, Tess. I want to f**king kill him.”
I put my hand over my eyes and rested my elbow on the door. I should have realized that whatever information Aiden had came with a price.
“We can work this out,” he whispered. “I know we can.”
I sniffled and looked over at him. “No, Aiden,” I said, feeling exhausted. Worn out. “We can’t. You slept with Mary. You hid it from me. You were supposed to love me.”
“I do! I love you more than anything!”
“Then how could you sleep with her? How could you sneak around with her and then still be with me?” I shook my head, tears starting to fall from my eyes. “How could you do that to me? I was waiting for you!”
“I was stupid! What the f**k else can I say? I made a mistake, Tessa. Why can’t you forgive me?” Aiden face was scrunched up as he looked between me and the road. It was obvious that he was in pain, but this was too hard. There was too much baggage. “You know, I’ve forgiven everything you’ve done. Why won’t you do the same for me?”
“It’s not the same,” I said, wiping under my eyes. “You betrayed me. And right now, all we’re doing is hurting each other.”
“I’ll never hurt you again. Please, just—”
“I don’t forgive you!”
My words came out so suddenly, so angrily, that Aiden gasped, and I felt my body go limp with the admission. It was such a horrible thing to say!
Just then we came out of the hills into the lit streets of my neighborhood. I watched Aiden silently stare ahead from behind the steering wheel, tears leaking down his cheeks, his lips pressed tight together.
And I wanted to take back the words. I didn’t want to hurt Aiden. It killed me to make him feel this awful. But I turned away and let my last statement hang. This was better. If he stopped calling, stopped trying, maybe my pain would go away. Maybe.
Aiden turned sharply into my driveway, and the tires actually squealed when he stopped. My seat belt locked and yanked me back into my seat.
“Sorry,” he said quietly, staring down in his lap.
I watched him, my heart beating a little faster from our sudden stop. My heart aching for the pain he was going through. His knuckles were white from his grip on the steering wheel, the muscles of his forearms defined and flexed.
Looking at him, I could see everything I’d loved. I could see my past. And with that, I opened the passenger door. Aiden waited patiently as I reached in and got my crutches, even if he didn’t get out to help. It was better that he didn’t.
When I’d gotten all of my stuff, I paused just outside the door. “Good-bye, Aiden.” He opened his mouth but didn’t answer. So I shut the door and watched as he backed out of my driveway. He paused so long before turning down the street, I thought maybe he’d rethought leaving and was going to come back. But eventually, he pulled out and his taillights were down the street.
What a strange night. We’d failed our mission, and I’d just done what I promised myself I wouldn’t: talk to Aiden. And now that he was gone, my breathing was quickening, my chest starting to tingle with an unrealized anxiety. I missed him.
I couldn’t handle this roller coaster of love! I needed to pull myself together and move on. In fact, I was going to call Joel right now and schedule dinner. I needed a normal guy in my life. A guy without baggage. A guy who respected and loved me.