“You already told us the public won’t be on our side. So why should we risk working with you?” I realize I actually want him to give me a reason.
The doctor folds his hands on his lap. “What’s your alter-native?”
It wasn’t the answer I needed to hear. He thinks he knows best, and that makes Arthur Pritchard just like my parents. Just like The Program. “I can still run,” I say.
His jaw hardens and his careful facade begins to fall away.
“Don’t do that,” he snaps. “Don’t spend the rest of your life running. You’ll never be safe. You’ll never have a home.”
I had a home with James, even when we were running. I have to find him and apologize, make this right. I’m sick of all the lies and secrets. James and I can leave the rebels for good, and it’ll be just me and him—the way we wanted it. I stand, about to find James so we can plan our escape, when the doctor reaches for my arm.
“Sloane, I need that pill,” he says. I don’t turn back right away, his fingers a vice around my wrist. “We can’t let The Program get their hands on it.” Heat creeps onto my cheeks as I falter for an answer.
“I don’t have it,” I say as calmly as possible, glancing over my shoulder. The Program is looking for The Treatment—
that’s what this is. He’s still working for them.
“Do you know who does?” he asks.
“No.”
He studies me, trying to detect if I’m lying. “Sloane,” he says. “The pill is—”
“I get it,” I interrupt. “It’s the key to saving the world. But I can’t help you.”
He lets my arm fall, taking a moment to collect himself.
“Listen,” he begins again, softer. “I know you’re angry, but we have a common purpose here. The Program is after you. You and your friends are fugitives, and in my book that makes you my ally. I’ve told you my plan, put myself at risk. You should take that same leap with me, Sloane. You have nothing else left.”
“You may be right,” I say with a quick nod, my resolve to find James overwhelming me. “But I’m still alive, Arthur. And as long as I live, I won’t forgive you for what you’ve done to us.” Then, before he can stop me again, I stride toward the door and open it, waving my hand for him to leave.
Realm is standing in the hallway, and he glances between me and the doctor before moving next to me like backup.
Arthur Pritchard sighs heavily and gets up. He looks defeated, but I can’t trust him. I can’t trust the man who created The Program.
“It was nice to finally meet you in person, Sloane,” the doctor says. “Please tell James I said hello.” A shiver runs over me, a cold realization. In James’s file it mentioned that Arthur Pritchard had been called in for a consult. He knows James. He did this to James. I turn abruptly and start down the hall—desperate to find James and warn him about Arthur.
“James!” I yell just as I get to the stairs. Cas is coming up from below, a crease of concern between his eyebrows.
“Sloane,” he starts, sounding pained. I push past him, still calling for James.
Where is he?
“Sloane,” Cas says again, but this time I can hear in his voice that something’s wrong. I stop near the bottom step and turn toward him. He holds up his hands helplessly, and the world around me starts to close in. “Sloane,” Cas says, “James left. When Arthur was talking to us, he grabbed the keys and took the Escalade. He said . . .” He pauses, lifting his eyes to Realm, who nods for him to go on. “He said there’s no one he can trust anymore. Then he left.”
I reach out to catch the wall as I stumble back, my sneaker slipping off the last stair. James left me. Oh my God. James is gone.
Chapter Three
I’M IN A DAZE AS ARTHUR PRITCHARD WALKS PAST
me on the stairs. He doesn’t mention James again, even though he clearly heard Cas’s admission. Maybe he can see the devastation on my face. When I hear the front door close, I slowly make my way back to my room, not crying, too shocked to cry.
On the dresser is James’s file—he left it behind. I wish I could read my file, read about my brother, my friends. I’d know the truth about James. Was he really lying to protect me? Did I love him? I love him now, and yet, I didn’t run after him. I let him leave.
I lie on the bed and fold my hands over my chest as if I’m dead—in a coffin and rotting. I miss my father, memories of him taking me for ice cream still clear in my head. But the time surrounding my brother’s death is gone. How did my father act then? How did he behave when they took me into The Program? I wonder if he even tried to stop them. I wonder if he still loved who I was at that point.
My thoughts are becoming distorted and I curl up on my side, burrowing my cheek into the pillow. I miss James. I miss my home. I miss the memories I no longer have. It’s so empty here. I’m so empty.
Cas appears in the doorway, his face filled with the pity I feel for myself. “Can I get you anything?” he asks. “We’re a little worried about you.”
Realm probably sent him in here to gauge my sanity. Now isn’t a good time for my friend to tell me he loves me, to try to take advantage of the situation. Even he knows that. But I won’t be a creature to be pitied. I’m not helpless. I can still fight.
“I’m fine,” I tell Cas, trying to block it all out. “I just have to stop feeling for a while. Isn’t that what The Program wanted in the first place?”
“Jesus, Sloane,” Cas says, taking a step inside the room.
“You’re going a little dark.”
But I’m on my feet and past him before he can worry anymore. For a minute I’m better. My chest feels hollow, but the ache has dulled. The respite slips when I get to the kitchen and find Realm sitting at the dinner table, eating ramen noodles.
Dallas is behind him, staring daggers at the back of his head while she twirls noodles around her fork.
“Is there any food left?” I ask, motioning toward their bowls. Dallas hitches up one of her eyebrows in surprise, and Realm looks astonished to see me out of the bedroom so soon.
Cas goes to fill a bowl from the counter before setting it in front of an empty seat. He watches me cautiously as I sit down. I take a bite and the food is tasteless, a soggy mass of noodles that I don’t want to consume. But right now survival is key.
I can’t bring myself to look at Realm. He’s the reason James left. He’s been lying to me. He’s had his memories this entire time. It doesn’t make sense, though. How many times has he been through The Program? How can he still remember? My suspicions start to gnaw at me, but when I pick up my head, Dallas has turned her hatred to me.