“How do you know Realm?”
Heat rises to my cheeks. “We met in The Program.” She laughs. “Well, obviously. But are you friends?” She pauses. “The kind with benefits?”
I pick up my drink, trying to look casual. “We’re just friends.” But even I detect the tightness in my voice, the obvious pitch of lying. She chuckles, and I look up to see her smile.
“Yeah,” she says sarcastically. “Me too.” Right then the niceties slip away, both from my face and her posture. “But my friendship comes with benefits,” she adds, grabbing her soda as she walks back over to the stove where the water has begun to boil.
She leaves me sitting here with a mix of jealousy and embarrassment. It had never really occurred to me that Realm was with anyone else, that he had a life outside of The Program. But he did. He does.
And Dallas made it clear it doesn’t really include me anymore.
I sit on the unmade bed of my empty room, the window cracked open to let in a breeze. James is showering in the bathroom down the hall, the steam slipping out from under the door. I’m still on edge from my talk with Dallas, my brain and my heart at odds about what I should be feeling. Realm didn’t come to dinner, it was just me and Dallas—eating in silence except for when she asked me to pass the hot sauce.
I just don’t understand why Realm never told me about her.
All that time in The Program, all the nights playing cards. He never mentioned her name. Why? And what does it mean now?
Is she his girlfriend? Is Dallas his James?
“You’re not falling asleep already, are you?” Startled, I glance up and see James standing in the doorway, a towel tied around his waist, his blond hair wet and brushed back. He’s smiling wryly, a sort of infectious smile that seems to burn through me. “So guess what I got earlier,” he says.
I’m overwhelmed with the sight of him, the way his eyes hold me in their gaze—wicked and loving at the same time. I watch as he comes toward the bed, leaning in slowly but confidently. He’s no longer cautious of me; he’s given himself up to me completely. And so I kiss him hard, digging my nails into his skin as I pull him down onto the bed. We’re addicted to each other—no matter what the consequences.
“I think I need another shower,” James says from next to me. I laugh, rolling over to rest my face on his shoulder.
“Shh . . .” I say, putting my finger over his lips. “Don’t ruin it.”
“I’m the one who’s ruined.”
“Shut up, James.”
“I’m like . . . corrupted.”
“You are not.”
“I think you have to marry me now.”
I laugh, but when he doesn’t keep going, I look over at his face. A grin pulls at his lips, but his expression is far more serious than I expected. There’s a cool draft from the window where it’s barely nudged open, but neither of us are in a hurry to get up.
“You might as well marry me now,” he says. “You know you will, anyway.”
Tingles spread over my skin. “Will I?” I ask.
He nods. “On the beach. After you learn how to swim.” I wince. “You had me until you said swim.”
“Aw, come on,” James says. “You can’t be scared of water for the rest of your life.” When tell him that I sure can, James puts his hand behind my neck, pulling me into a soft kiss. “Say yes to me,” he murmurs. “Say yes now so I’ll never have to ask again.”
His mouth, his taste—it’s all so familiar and exciting.
It’s heavy and suffocating, it’s then and now. “Yes,” I whisper finally, closing my eyes as I snuggle against him. “I’ll marry you someday, James. I’d do anything for you.” I can feel his jaw shift as he smiles, taking my hand to squeeze his fingers between mine before kissing my ring finger.
Chapter Eleven
BREAKFAST IS ALL SORTS OF AWKWARD AS I SIT
across from Realm, James next to me with his body turned slightly away. I would have figured James more of the possessive type, somehow claiming me in front of Realm while crunching on his Frosted Flakes. But instead he has only a small smirk that I notice between spoonfuls.
“You’re happy today,” Realm says, eying him as he drinks black coffee from a Styrofoam cup. Dallas glances over from where she sits on the counter, studying James’s expression until she understands, and then turns away.
“I am so very happy,” James replies to Realm, not looking up.
“It won’t last,” Realm snaps. “You know that.” James smiles broadly, finally meeting Realm’s suspicious gaze. “You have no idea how long I can last,” James says with a little laugh. He pushes back from the table, grabbing his bowl.
He kisses the top of my head before walking to the sink, pats Dallas’s leg, and then leaves the room—smiling the entire time.
Realm’s dark stare flicks to me; the quiet guy who showed up yesterday is gone. “See the two of you made up,” he says.
I’ve suddenly lost my appetite. The first time I introduced Realm to James, they nearly killed each other, because Realm was being a dick to me. Right now this is feeling pretty familiar.
“When were James and I fighting?”
“Before you left Oregon. When you came to my house and kissed me. Unless you forgot about that.” There’s the clink of a bowl before Dallas hops down from the counter. “That would be my cue to exit,” she says. “Realm, I’ll catch up with you at the site later.” Realm reaches for her as she starts past him, touching her hand. There’s a slight twinge in my stomach. “Just give me a few minutes, Dal,” he says kindly. She considers, but then after an annoyed look in my direction, she nods and walks out The weight of an impending argument floods the room—
even though I’m not entirely sure what Realm and I have to fight about. Yes, I kissed him, but that was because of The Program.
They tried to erase James, but I still loved him. Even Realm saw that.
“If you’re going to be a jerk,” I start. “Then—”
“What did you expect, Sloane?” Realm puts his elbows on the table, leaning forward like he’s ready to pounce. “I told you to stay away from James—that he’d make you sick again.
And yet here you are on the run because of him, because you were being reckless and The Program was called. Do you think I should applaud that? What the hell do you want from me?”