Her own parents sat next to the Price’s, leaving Sydney to sit all by herself, facing everyone else alone. Right now, she felt as though it was Sydney Ross against the world…the condemned facing the executioner.
Her father’s distinguished face was rigid and stern. He alternated between glaring at his daughter and then at the boy who had dishonored her, as though he couldn’t decide who he was more furious with. Sydney couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze or anyone else’s, for that matter.
The tension in the room was palpable. Even Christian was uncharacteristically sober. She felt horrible that she hadn’t even been able to tell him the news herself. He kept glancing at her, but his face was so guarded that she had no way of gauging how upset he was. She wondered what he was thinking. Was he angry with her? Was he going to be supportive? She flickered a glance toward him again. He was staring at his hands quietly.
There was no mystery as to where her mother stood, however. She was an open book… just like always.
“You stupid little slut!” Jillian’s shriek broke the uncomfortable silence. “Couldn’t you keep your legs closed?”
“Jillian…” Her father began, but her mother impatiently cut him off.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Randall. Grow a set of balls!” Jillian snapped, before focusing her irritation on Sydney again, her cold eyes glittering with annoyance.
“You’re a disgrace!”
Sydney felt tears well up and focused hard on not letting them spill over as she stared at her reflection in the gleaming mahogany table. She looked incredibly pale against the rich hue of the wood. She said a quick silent prayer that she wouldn’t throw up in front of everyone. Her stomach was still unstable even though she had nibbled on a handful of crackers.
“She wasn’t the only one involved.” Christian’s low voice broke through her concentration as he spoke for the first time, braving Jillian’s wrath. Sydney raised her head in surprise and met his steady gaze. “I was there, too.”
Mrs. Price laid her hand on her son’s arm, a clear signal that she wanted him to be silent, but he shrugged it off. Sydney’s heart sped up as she realized that he might support her, even though he had been blind-sided with the news. She wished that he would get up and walk around to her side of the table, but he didn’t. He continued to sit like a stone next to his parents.
“It doesn’t matter. This is a non-issue,” Jillian announced matter-of-factly. “I’m going to make an appointment at the clinic for her tomorrow and we’ll have it taken care of. Life will go on as normal with no one the wiser.” Sydney’s stomach began rapidly sinking and she gulped. She glanced down and saw that her hands were instinctively splayed protectively across her abdomen and in that one instant, she knew that she couldn’t have it taken care of. It was hers and she wanted it. And the only advocate it had… was her.
“Mom, I don’t want an abortion.” Her voice was so soft that it was almost inaudible and everyone strained to hear her.
Jillian’s teeth snapped together as she whipped her perfectly styled head around to stare at her daughter.
“What?”
The single word that Jillian hissed between her teeth resonated throughout the large elaborate room and bounced off of every possible corner. Sydney steeled herself to go head-to-head with her mother… an unprecedented event. No one was usually so foolish.
“I don’t want to kill my baby. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” Sydney dared a glance at Christian and found him to be just as surprised as everyone else. Her resolve wavered for a brief second at the astounded look on his face.
“Sydney.” Christian’s expression was puzzled, but still as gentle as his voice. “Syd, you can’t keep it. It would ruin everything. Not just for your parents, but for you. And me, too. You’re supposed to go to Columbia in a couple of months. I’m going to Princeton. We can’t do that pregnant.”
She knew he was being logical and smart. But her emotions weren’t complying with logic at the moment. She made up her mind, instantly cementing her decision. She couldn’t kill it. Her resolve strengthened.
“I know, Chris,” she murmured. “And I won’t ask you to do anything, I promise. I won’t even list you on the birth certificate, if you don’t want me to. I’ll do everything alone. But I can’t kill it. You can’t ask me to do that.”
“Sydney, you just said it yourself. Right now, it’s an it. A mass of cells. A nothing. Don’t risk our futures for that. Please.”
Christian’s voice was more subdued than she had ever heard it as he pleaded with her. When she looked into his somber eyes, she recognized the fear that she saw there and her heart broke. For him. Because he hadn’t asked for this any more than she had.
“Chris, I mean it. I won’t involve you at all. I’ll do it myself. It’s my decision.”
Her voice was barely audible, a mere whisper. She knew that if she spoke any louder, she would cry. She took a deep breath to ward off the tears. It didn’t work. She was teetering on the edge of breaking down and it wouldn’t take much to make her lose it.
“Princess,” her father began, but at Jillian’s icy glare, he firmed up his tone.
“Sydney, this isn’t only about you. You are not only risking your future but also mine and your mother’s. And Christian’s. You need to think wisely. Please.”
His dark brown eyes implored her and she had to look away, staring at the mahogany panels lining the walls instead while a few rebellious tears broke rank and streamed down her cheeks.
“Daddy, I’m sorry. I won’t announce to the world that I’m pregnant. I’ll be very quiet about it- maybe it won’t raise as much of a stir as you think. Maybe no one will even find out.” Her voice was hopeful and just slightly naïve as she appealed to her father. She was nervously tapping her foot against her chair in a furious cadence, something she didn’t even notice as she focused on her father’s face.
“Sydney, you know better than that...” Randall began, but once again, Jillian cut him off short.