What had he been thinking? He had been about to condemn her to his world. A world of darkness and brutality. He had been about to take the light from her. Had been about to rob her of her purity and goodness, of her innocence, and he had been about to do it against her will. He had to get away from her, stay away from her. She rocked his self restraint, his control, and in his world those were two things that he desperately needed to keep under wraps, or he would kill someone.
Shuddering, he caressed her hair once more. He would watch over her until the threat was gone, but he could not be near her anymore, could not hold her again. The thought tore through him with a burning rage that seared the inside of him, and left ashes in its wake. Agony blazed hotly in him, he felt the loss acutely, even though he still held her against him.
She tilted her head up, her bright eyes gleaming in the light. Her beautiful face broke his heart, shaking him completely, leaving him rattled and lost to her forever. In that moment he knew he could leave her, that he could go to the opposite side of the world, but she would be with him for eternity. She would remain burned into his heart, his thoughts, and every fiber of his being. He would never be without her, never be free of her; never escape her.
And he didn’t want to be. Even if he could not be beside her, he wanted to carry her with him everywhere he went, no matter how far.
“I should go.” His voice was tight, but he had regained most of his control.
She simply stared at him, the longing in her eyes almost more than he could stand. “Don’t.”
He blinked in surprise, not sure what to say, or do. Her long lashes lowered over her eyes, heat flared through her creamy cheeks. A soft groan issued from him. Her eyes came back to his, hesitant and shy. Her sweet simplicity was heart wrenching. She was far too good for him, and everything that he was. He was a monster and a killer, and she was an angel.
When he did not speak, her face flushed even redder, fire climbed high into her cheekbones. “I uh… I didn’t mean…”
Her voice trailed off, she ducked her face, hiding it from him. Brushing back her silken hair, he cupped her face gently, feeling the heat of her skin against his palms. Her eyes flitted up to his. “I know,” he said gently, hoping to ease some of her embarrassment. “I know what you meant.”
He traced his thumb gently over her lip, relishing in the soft fullness of it. He could stay with her, lie beside her, and keep her safe as he held her through the night. He could control himself for that. He could give himself this, and then he would leave tomorrow. Even as he thought it, he knew he lied.
He was not leaving her. It would never happen. His feelings for her were to strong, to powerful, and he was acutely aware of the fact that he knew what that meant. That he knew what she was to him now, what she would always be, and how this would all end. He just did not want to think about it. Not now, because the ending was something that he didn’t want for her. The ending was something that she would not want for herself, and he hated the fact that he may end up forcing his life upon her.
Now, he simply needed to hold her and protect her and keep her safe. Even if he may end up being the most dangerous thing to her.
He would just have to learn to control himself around her, and he would have to make sure that he was well sated whenever she was near. But he could not leave her; he did not think he could survive if he was unable to touch her, to know that she was safe, and that she was with him. To lose her would destroy him. On some primitive level, he knew that he could not survive without her.
“Beautiful,” he whispered. Her lashes swept the delicate curve of her cheek as she ducked her face once more. He gently nudged her chin up again. When her eyes met his, he bent slowly, wanting to give her time to deny him. Wanting to give her time to come to her senses and flee while she still could.
She didn’t move, didn’t even breathe as he bent slowly over her. His lips brushed over hers in a butterfly caress that nearly shattered him as the glorious feel of her suffused him. The touch of her lips healed every broken bit of him. It soothed the loneliness of his life, made him forget the hunger and ruin of his existence. Though she did not make right the many deaths that stained his soul, she greatly eased the pain that resided permanently inside him.
He deepened the kiss, needing more of her. Light and warmth suffused him. Whiteness embraced his essence, pushing out the black as his hands tightened in her hair. He was trying to go slow, trying not to scare her, but he wanted more. He wanted all of her.
The fiery hunger tore through him once more. Pulling away, he struggled to regain control as he met her wide, stunned eyes. Slowly, she lifted her fingers to her mouth, gently touching them to her lips in awe. “Are you ok?” he asked worriedly, frightened that he had gone to fast and scared her.
She smiled tremulously. “Yes.”
He clutched her tightly to him again, needing her warmth and strength as he struggled to maintain restraint. “It’s late, you should lie down,” he ground out. She gave a small nod, but did not look at him again. “Come on.”
He led her slowly over to the bed. The blankets were pulled back from where she had laid before he arrived. He stared at the bed, wanting nothing more than to crawl in beside her and hold her tight. She sat down, her head bent, her golden hair tumbling forward in luxurious waves.
Sliding her legs onto the bed, the t-shirt she wore pulled back slightly to reveal a mouth watering view of her creamy thigh. Devon tightened everywhere, stiffening as more than just bloodlust tore through him. Then she looked at him again, her face bright red, her innocence almost intolerable.
Lifting her hand to him, she moved over. “Lie with me for a little bit.”
For a moment he could almost feel his heart trip hammering, almost feel it turning over in his chest with a fierce slam that shook the place where it had once beat. She was testing the very limits of his control, nearly destroying the small thread he still had upon his self restraint. Then her gaze darted to the window, and he saw the fear that crossed her face, flashed swiftly through her eyes as she gazed at the dark night.
He turned slowly, searching for any hint of danger with his far superior eyes, and with every ounce of his vast power. Though he knew that the monster was still out there, he could not sense it now. It was either far away, or it was strong enough to mask itself at a distance. His stomach turned slightly. Though he was more powerful than most vampires in existence, Cassie was not. The thought of something that strong out there pursuing her, made the decision for him. If he stayed with her tonight, he would know that she was safe, protected.