“No,” she moaned, shaking her head, trying to deny his words. “I don’t deserve it, don’t love me. The people that love me die. They die for me, and they die because of me. Do not love me Devon.”
His jaw locked, his eyes blazed fiercely into hers. “You did not cause your grandmother’s death; there was nothing that you could have done to stop it. You are the kindest, most giving and loving person I have ever met. I will love you for eternity because you deserve every ounce of that love, and there is nothing that you can do to make me stop loving you. Nothing.”
His hand wrapped firmly around the back of her head, his long fingers buried into her hair. “If you want to turn me away again, I will go. It will kill me, but I will do anything for you. But you have to know that I will not leave your life Cassie. I can’t. Not when you won’t take care of yourself, and not with Julian and Isla out there. I will be here for you until I am certain that you are safe.”
She stared at him in stunned surprise. He was so fierce, so intense, and so desperately in need of her. Swallowing heavily, she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out to stroke his magnificent face. It had been so long since she had touched him, held him, felt him. Today in the cemetery she had been too distraught to feel the bliss that he brought to her. But now, the peace that he gave her began to steal slowly through her body, seeping into her pores, warming her soul. He turned into her touch, nuzzling her gently. She could feel his desperate need for her; feel the tension that radiated from him as his hand tightened upon her. He was a man trapped in the desert and she was his water.
“How could you forgive me?” she murmured.
“I could forgive you anything. You forgave me.”
He took hold of her hand, keeping it pressed to his face as she stared at him in confusion. “Forgave you for what?”
He smiled softly at her. “For my past, for everything that I have done. For everything that I was.”
“But there was nothing to forgive you for. You didn’t do those things to me Devon; you are different now than you were then.”
“There was plenty, you just never realized it because that is who you are Cassie.”
Wonder filled her as she gazed at him. Maybe she didn’t deserve his love now, but she would do everything in her power to deserve it from now on. She would do everything she could to make it up to him for the way that she had treated him over the past couple of weeks. “I love you too,” she whispered. “Always.”
Leaning forward, she meant only to place a chaste kiss upon his lips. But it had been too long, and as their mouths met she felt the instant flare of heat. A surge of power and love and need rose up between them. Everything swirled forth, burying her beneath the tumult of emotions that tore through her. Devon’s hands clenched upon her, his fingers clasped firmly hold of her skull.
She knew instantly that she had made a mistake; he had been denied too long. He had been turned away, lost and wounded. Now she was accepting him again, and his need, his desire was more intense than she had ever felt it before. And so was hers.
She fell into him, heat pooled through her entire body. His love warmed her soul; it healed her as it blended into her. She had been wrong to turn him away. He was the only person that could truly make her whole and right. The only person that could ease the pain and anger that had taken up residence inside of her. Her mouth opened to his invasion, she welcomed him with a soft sigh, her hands tightened upon him. He was her life raft in a world turned completely upside down.
The kiss became more frantic, more desperate. His muscles were clenched, standing out sharply in his forearms. His teeth elongated, pressing against her lower lip. Though they were slightly painful against her, the feel of them caused excitement to spurt through her as she began to tremble with need. She was falling away, rapidly losing control. The world spun wildly, lurching violently.
Cassie clung tighter to him, needing something to keep her grounded in the chaos that her life had become. He pulled suddenly away from her, nearly causing her to fall off the bed. His head bowed as his shoulders shook. Cassie knew how he felt; she could barely catch her breath. Her heart was pounding rapidly, her body tingled with burning excitement and unfulfilled desire.
“Devon,” she ran her hand through his thick black hair, trying to soothe him.
He pulled further away, shaking his head as he moved out of reach. Tears filled her eyes; tightness clenched her chest as she recalled all of the problems they’d had even before her grandmother died. She clearly recalled his struggle to control himself around her, his fear that he would hurt her. They had weathered this last storm together, but there was a much larger hurricane still in their way.
Despair washed over her. She swallowed down the heavy lump that had lodged in her throat. She couldn’t lose him again; she had just gotten him back. She needed him. Without him, her life was lost and lonely and full of anger and despair. He was a part of her, and being near her hurt him. It hurt him physically and emotionally, it tore at him as he battled constantly with himself just to stay in her presence without harming her. Cassie shuddered, hugging herself again as he rose to his feet, moving with easy grace to her bureau.
Grabbing hold of the tray, he turned back to her again. His jaw was locked tight, a muscle in his cheek was jumping from the force of it but he seemed determined to stay near her as he slowly approached again. “It might be easier if you sit in the chair.”
Cassie shook her head; her stomach was too tight to put food in it right now. “I’m not that hungry,” she said softly.
His eyes flared with heat, the muscle in his cheek jumped more forcefully. “You need to eat; you need to start taking care of yourself.”
“Devon…”
“When was the last time you ate?” he demanded sharply.
Cassie opened her mouth to answer, and then snapped it closed again. Her forehead furrowed as she tried to recall the last time she had eaten a full meal. The fact that the answer eluded her was more than a little troubling. She hadn’t been hungry lately, she had been too angry to be hungry but she had eaten at some point in time. She would have had too. Wouldn’t she?
Shaking her head, Cassie tried to clear it of her troubling thoughts. She must have snacked at least, but she really couldn’t remember when. “I don’t know,” she admitted reluctantly, troubled by the answer.
The tension in him notched up a level as his eyes scanned swiftly over her. Cassie stiffened beneath his questioning, troubled gaze. When his eyes came back to hers, there was a fear in them that she didn’t understand and that troubled her. “What’s wrong?” she asked softly.