Darnell’s eyes widened, everyone’s attention became riveted upon Cade. “What do you mean they’re not dead?” Darnell asked quietly.
Cade looked away from me as Bishop pulled the vile free and quickly replaced it with another one. I remained silent, unwilling to speak. Those words were the most that Cade had said about anything he’d experienced, or anything he knew. I feared that if I spoke he wouldn’t say anything more, that he would withdraw, leaving us with only those cryptic words and no explanation. I waited breathlessly instead, hoping to learn at least a little something of what he had been through.
“They aren’t dead. They’re trapped in a cryogenic-like state, just waiting to be awakened.”
“How do we awaken them?” Bishop demanded.
“We don’t. Those other things do. There’s something in them, or they do something that causes the people to awaken again.”
My bones quaked, literally rattled, as I vividly recalled the pain those things could inflict. If it was possible, I was certain they could wake the dead with that pain. “No matter how much time has passed?” I croaked out.
“I don’t know about that,” Cade responded flatly.
“How do you know they reawaken?” Darnell asked.
“Bethany and I saw a man come back to life, though at the time we didn’t realize why he had come back, and thought that perhaps pain had caused it.” Abby and Aiden exchanged a guilty glance, my head bowed beneath the weight of the memory. We hadn’t known why the man in the street had come back to life and we had hoped to save our mother. Because of that, Cade had tried to burn Peter, his former boss, with a lighter in the hopes that the pain would reawaken him. It hadn’t worked. So much had happened since then that I had almost forgotten about that awful memory. “Unfortunately, we were wrong. We saw that man come back to life though, when one of those things fed from him so they were still alive. I saw others come back to life too, when those things got a hold of them.”
I swallowed heavily, I found I could barely say the words, but I had to. I hadn’t said anything, hadn’t even begun to try and tell them what that pain had been like. I never wanted them to understand it, because there was only one way that could happen, and I didn’t want to speak about it. “It’s not the same.”
Bishop’s grey eyes narrowed on me, I turned away from him, unable to take the inquisitiveness in his sharp gaze. The desire to know, but he never could. “What isn’t the same Bethy?”
I could feel something inside of me twisting, recoiling, coming forth and then retreating again. I wanted to tell them, wanted to share, but it was difficult to find the words. Tears filled my eyes; I blinked them back as I lifted my gaze to Cade. Clouds of anger passed over his face; there was a rolling turmoil and fury in him that startled me. For a strange, startling moment, darkness seemed to ooze out of him, seemed to seep from him in waves of black that filled every one of his veins. Then it was gone, and I was left with the thought that I somehow must have imagined it.
“What isn’t the same Bethany?” Bishop pushed.
My jaw clenched for a moment, I focused on the back wall, unable to look at any of them right now. “The pain, the pain isn’t the same.” My fingers played nervously with the ragged edges of my shirt. “You can’t understand it.”
There was a long moment of silence. I had almost forgotten that Bishop was drawing my blood until he stuck a cotton ball against me and forced my numb fingers to hold it in place. I was shaking, but it wasn’t visible to them. It was an inner shaking that quaked through my blood, my muscles, even deep into my organs.
“So it’s worse?”
I couldn’t stop the snort of derision that escaped me at Jenna’s question. “It’s much worse.”
“Ok so it’s worse than a burn, perhaps if we inflict even more pain than that...”
“No,” I interrupted Aiden forcefully. “No.” The cotton slipped from my fingers, I lurched awkwardly up stumbling slightly as a wave of dizziness swept through me. Bishop had taken more blood than I’d realized. Cade grasped hold of my arm, but for the first time I didn’t want his touch. I didn’t want anyone’s touch. “Don’t. I’m fine.”
“Bethany…”
I shook his hand off, I was swarming with dizziness and pain filled memories. I inhaled deeply, trying hard to regain control. “No,” I said again. “No we will not do anything more to those poor people! We cannot awaken them; it’s not possible for us to do it.”
“A broken bone perhaps,” Darnell suggested hesitatingly.
“Maybe, though it would be awful to do, a gunshot,” Lloyd muttered.
“It’s not possible to duplicate that kind of pain!” My voice was near hysteria, my tone sharp and high. I was ashamed by the lack of control, ashamed by the horror and terror clawing at me, but this time I could not reel it in. I couldn’t let them keep discussing this. Not when it wasn’t possible. I didn’t want them to think they could do something, or even have them try to do something, they couldn’t. “You don’t know, you don’t understand. So just stop.”
“There are other options besides burning,” Lloyd pressed.
I opened my eyes, focusing my attention on him. “I’d rather have you cauterize me a hundred times over than ever experience that again. I’d rather break every bone in my body than have one of those things enter, and yes enter, me again. That is not broken bone pain, it is not burn pain. It is a soul deep wrenching that I can still feel in every fiber of my being. It is not a pain that is forgotten with time, it is a pain that is readily recalled. Readily relived. You cannot duplicate it Lloyd and to try to do so is simply cruel and unnecessary torture. Let it go, it cannot be done.”
Lloyd looked as if he wanted to argue with me some more, but thankfully he remained silent. I dropped the cotton ball into the trash, more for something to distract me than for any other reason. I could feel them all watching me, but I couldn’t look at them. I didn’t want to. I had said my peace; they had to understand, because I sure as hell wasn’t going to let them hurt anyone.
“They can be awakened though, even if we can’t do it.” Cade’s eyes were distant; his hair tussled as it fell across the hard planes of his face. “There are some of Frozen Ones still around, even if we don’t see them as often. Sometimes those things just drain them and move on, and sometimes they are gathered and kept frozen for a later time.”