“You don’t believe that.”
She shook her head and offered him a sad smile. “No. But obviously you do.”
After placing the papers down, she rounded the corner of the desk and came up beside him. She placed a warm hand against his cheek. “I know you’ve lost a lot in your life. You’re tough because you had to be. But if you continue to expect so little from people, that’s exactly what you’ll get in return.”
“That’s not what this is about.”
“Isn’t it? Your mother left you. Your ex-fiancée did the same. They both wanted something you couldn’t give them. When they left, you were able to say, ‘See, all women are alike’.” She paused to catch her breath. “When you realized I wasn’t running anywhere, you got so damned scared you had to push me away. You’re afraid to trust that I mean what I say, so you come up with the excuse that I’m just like them—I don’t love you, I love what you can give me.”
In an effort to get what she wanted and remain with Alix, had Chelsie convinced herself she loved him, too? Knowing her as he did, the thought was absurd. And yet…
He could never be sure. “Don’t you?” The words escaped before he could stop them.
Her eyes opened wide. “No,” she whispered.
The tears welling in the brown depths told him in no uncertain terms he’d pushed her too far. He’d hurt her in a fundamental way, and she deserved better. He reached out to her, but she stepped back to avoid his touch.
“I love Alix, and not just because she’s my sister’s child. I can’t deny that and I wouldn’t want to.” She walked towards the door, head held high. “I trust this morning’s hearing went well?”
All business. Perhaps that was just as well. Though her words stayed with him, he couldn’t help wondering which one of them was suffering from delusions, Chelsie or himself. “Restraining order’s right here,” he said, patting his briefcase. “Jeff’s being served as we speak.” He met her gaze. “He’d be a fool to go near you now.”
She nodded. “Anyway, I’ll be out of town visiting my parents at the end of the week.”
“Since when?”
“Like I told you. Family’s important. I cleared my calendar and you don’t need me.” She cleared her throat, an obvious ruse to cover her shaken emotions. “I’ve got to set up appointments with those expert witnesses in the next few days.”
He nodded. “The file is here.” He pulled the folder from inside his briefcase.
She accepted it, careful to avoid his touch. He mentally acknowledged the pain, but refused to let it show. “I’ll let you get to it, then. See you at dinner?”
She hesitated, staring at a point over his shoulder when she finally answered. “I have too much work to do if I want to leave Friday.”
He recognized her excuse for what it was. “Fine.” Considering he’d cut her loose, what else could he say?
TWELVE
The humming of the machine as it copied and collated couldn’t drum out the warm and tempting sounds from downstairs. A clatter of pots signaled dinner time, footsteps spoke of a home lived in and filled with love, and Alix’s shrieks of laughter wouldn’t be denied. Chelsie was forced to endure.
She tried to focus on the documents spread out on her desk, but the words blurred, memories of times she’d been a part of the family unit downstairs taking their place. She imagined Griff s gruff voice, huskier after they’d made love; his touch on her skin in places that belonged to him alone; his welcoming and often seductive smile. Chelsie had experienced each for the last time. Even knowing she had anticipated this back when Griff had proposed their partnership didn’t make things bearable now.
A clatter, a thud, and the unmistakable sound of a child’s cries rose towards her. Chelsie gripped the arms of her chair and jumped up from her seat before reminding herself that Griff was there. He was Alix’s permanent guardian. Chelsie was a relative, a welcome guest in their home, but on a night like this, merely a partner who belonged upstairs… or didn’t belong at all. She tiptoed to the bottom of the stairs to assure herself both Griff and Alix were okay, then collected her documents and headed for home. Changes were long overdue, Chelsie knew, and the time had come to make them.
* * *
Chelsie brought her suitcase with her to work on Friday. After an early meeting, she planned on taking a taxi to the airport. The morning was a disaster from the minute she awoke late because she’d forgotten to set her alarm clock for the right time.
She dressed in a hurry, wondering how she would survive the day. The beginning of the week had shown her how difficult life would be if she and Griff continued working together. They barely spoke. When they did, the strain from their personal lives insinuated itself into their partnership. Chelsie continued to depart from her previous routine of going downstairs for dinner. After her initial refusal on Monday, Griff hadn’t asked again. She stopped working late at the office. As a result, her small living room now resembled a cluttered study.
She’d made a special effort to spend time with Alix while Griff was in court or working upstairs, but inevitably, dinner time came before she’d left for the day. The familiar sounds drifted upstairs, taunting her with what she’d almost had and lost. More than once, she wondered if Griff was right. Did she love what he could give her?
The answer was always the same. Yes. How could she not? Although she couldn’t separate Griff and Alix, she felt certain she loved the man apart from the child. She loved his depth of caring, his ability to laugh, his skills as a lawyer. She loved arguing with him over a case and agreeing with him on strategy. She loved his ability to parent and adapt to any situation. Whether or not he had brought a child with him, Chelsie would have fallen hard.
But the fact remained that he had. That Alix shared her blood, too, didn’t matter. Legally, the little girl lived with Griff. Until he believed he meant more to her than the package, he would never commit to an us. He would continue to wonder whether he could trust Chelsie’s feelings. Though there was nothing she could do to change that, she didn’t have to put herself through the pain.
An hour later, Chelsie shook hands with the man who had agreed to testify in an upcoming case and led him to the door. She glanced at her watch and realized she had fifteen minutes to spare before leaving for the airport. Drawing on all the reserve energy she had, she knocked once and entered Griff’s office.