“And I went along,” her father continued. “I’d promised. The only way your mother would take me back was to pretend it never happened. After all I’d put her though, that one request wasn’t too much to ask.” He met Carly’s gaze. “I see now I was wrong. We were wrong. In saving our marriage, we made you the victim.”
His words were so on target that a lump rose to Carly’s throat and remained there.
“But not on purpose.” Anne came up beside Carly and knelt down beside her. “I thought I was protecting you. Honest to goodness, I believed I was doing the right thing for us all.”
Carly blinked back tears. “I know you did.” Although nothing could change the past, at least they were talking now. “But I have to know something.”
Anne swallowed hard. “Anything,” she said, and Carly understood for the first time how difficult that word was for her mother to say.
“Did you love each other once?” she asked in a small voice that sounded so childlike, it was pitiful. But she knew for certain she’d walk out of this room a much stronger person than she had been coming in.
“I always loved your father,” Anne said slowly. “And he loved me.”
Carly cleared her throat and turned to her father. “Then... why?” Why have an affair? Why go looking outside his marriage for something they’d started out with from the beginning?
Her father nodded, seeming to understand without hearing the rest of the words. “I can answer that.”
“No. I will. Because I didn’t know how to show that love and I drove him away with silence and lack of communication.”
“But I shouldn’t have strayed. I should have tried harder to make things work. Spent more time at home and less time focusing on my career. It shouldn’t have taken an affair and a tragedy to set us on the right course.”
They each accepted blame. They’d each come to terms with their lives. It seemed only Carly continued to live in past shadows. “And you are? On the right course, I mean?” Carly asked.
Her mother had reseated herself on the couch and her father grabbed for Anne’s hand. “We’ve been in counseling for years. Each time we tried to make an overture, you turned us away. We didn’t blame you, but we couldn’t figure out a way to make things right for you either.”
Carly smiled. “Because it wasn’t your job. I’m a grown-up, and I chose to be ruled by the past.” But not anymore.
“We’re so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
She shook her head, then wiped the tears that dripped down her face. “You know, we’re all to blame in a way. But...”
“I want to start over,” Anne said. “I know it’s too late to be the mother you should have had, but I want more than we’ve had lately. It’s selfish, but...”
Carly didn’t wait for her to finish. Without thinking, she joined her parents on the couch... and became part of her family once more.
ELEVEN
“Hi. I’d like to cancel my subscription to your paper.” Carly spoke to the faceless telephone operator.
“You can’t shut your eyes, Carly.” Juliette kicked her feet out onto the cocktail table across from the couch. “It’s on television and radio too. Do you have the name of his boss? Or maybe Peter has news...”
Ignoring her friend, Carly repeated the newspaper operator’s question aloud. “Why cancel?” Because she hadn’t been able to face her morning coffee and the news of the day without reading about the war torn country where Mike had gone. The news was never good and the result was too many nightmares and not enough sleep.
She sighed. “My schedule just doesn’t work and I haven’t been reading. I’m sorry.” She juggled the phone. “No, I don’t even want tomorrow’s paper. Thanks.” She hung up and stared at the months’ worth of papers on the table.
“The recycling dump is going to love you,” Juliette said.
Since Carly had forgotten to cancel her subscription before leaving for the summer, her considerate neighbor had taken in her back copies of the Times while she was away, keeping them for her return. Stacks of papers would have blatantly advertised an apartment ripe for theft, and Carly was grateful that a friend had been aware. She hadn’t thought beyond getting away.
And she hadn’t known what awaited her once she got back.
She lifted the top paper and the headlines jumped out at her, taking on a life of their own. Another small, war-torn country. More injured... She tossed the paper aside. She closed her eyes but couldn’t escape the harrowing visions that plagued her.
Juliette draped a soft arm around her shoulders and gave Carly a friendly squeeze. “These aren’t helping.” She scooped up the remainder of the newspapers and headed for the disposal in the hall.
“You’re a good friend,” Carly said when the older woman returned.
“So are you. Now, what do you say we go for a walk? Clear your head and maybe you can figure out a way to contact that man and...”
“No!”
“Why not? You love him; you’ve admitted as much.”
“Because how I feel isn’t what matters. He left, Jules. I didn’t ask him to stay, but it doesn’t matter. If he wanted to be in the States, he’d be here regardless of me. I have no right to interfere in a life he loves. He isn’t one for commitment. I always knew that.”
This wasn’t a case of accepting and avoiding, it was one of understanding the man she loved and moving on. A loud rapping sound caused her to jump. She rubbed her damp hands on her jeans and headed for the door. She peered through the peephole and her stomach did an involuntary flip.
She hadn’t seen Peter since the Hamptons. His appearance now couldn’t be good news. Carly flung the door open wide. “What’s wrong?” she asked before she said hello. “Is he...”
“He’s alive,” he said in a reassuring voice. He placed a hand on her arm. “But...”
She glanced at his drawn face. He didn’t look as if he’d had much sleep the night before. “He’s alive but? What is it? You’re scaring me.”
She grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the apartment. She felt Juliette’s hand on her shoulder for support and her heart swelled inside her chest. “Out with it Peter.”
He let out a deep breath. “Mike’s back, but he’s in the hospital.”