“Love and addiction aren’t one and the same, Day. I crave him, but not in the way you crave Aaron. “
She sighs heavily. “Okay, well, whatever you feel, you have to deal with it. Talk to him, one way or the other. I have to go.”
“Okay. I hope your chat goes well.”
“Thanks. Oh, and Liv? Put on a bra if you go out.”
My lips twitch and I hang up.
Talk to Tyler. I don’t want to talk to Tyler. But then, I don’t want to not talk to him. So I’m in a complete clusterfuck, really.
Do I want a relationship with him? Not right now, but I could in the future… That’s not fair to him—to lead him on with a maybe. So he hasn’t admitted himself that he wants anything more than we have despite endless hints, but I can’t guarantee I’ll want more.
What if I change my mind soon though? Like, next-week soon. Then, I could regret not holding on to it.
“What am I supposed to do?” I stare at Angus. He lifts his head and slowly opens his eyes. He doesn’t seem bothered by my predicament at all.
Fine. I’ll remember that next time he’s begging for a fourth meal. Grumpy little shit.
I walk into my room and change—making sure to put on a bra—and stare at my front door. I could walk through it. I could stand here. I could…
I could shut the f**k up about thinking and actually do something.
I take a deep breath, and instead of thinking, I start doing.
Of course he’s not here. I mean, why would he be? It’s completely irrational to imagine for just one second that he might be at his apartment at noon on a Tuesday.
I close my eyes and lean my forehead against his door with a sigh. So much for my moment of bravado coming over here. That’ll never happen again.
My phone buzzes in my jeans pocket. I grab it out and put it to my ear without looking. “Hello?”
“Liv? Where are you?”
I stand up straight at Tyler’s voice. “Um…I’m at your apartment. Well, outside it, actually. Waiting. Wait. That sounds creepy.”
“No creepier than me standing outside your apartment, banging your door down to talk to you. Your downstairs neighbor? The old lady? She’s evil.”
Mrs. Rowen. Yup. She’s no joy. “You’re at my apartment? Why are you at my apartment?”
“Why are you at mine?”
“I enjoy the view from the window next to the elevator?”
He laughs quietly. “Okay, Ms. Stubborn, Flighty Bitch. Stay there. I’m coming home.”
He hangs up. I stare at my phone, blinking hard.
Is he at my apartment to talk to me while I’m at his to talk to him?
Why do I get the sudden feeling that Dayton doesn’t really have an appointment with her dress designer?
I think we’ve been set up. And I think she knew exactly how it would go.
Sneaky little f**ker.
I press send. She instantly sends back a winking face. Just a f**king winking face.
I’m trying to work this out in my head. Why would she send us both to the other’s apartment? Unless she thought I wouldn’t go anywhere because, okay, I am kind of stubborn. That would make sense. And I kinda screwed that plan up by doing the opposite of what she thought.
Whoopsie. I think?
The elevator doors open and Tyler steps out. Actually, runs out would be a more accurate description. He runs from the elevator, pushes my back into his door, and presses his lips against mine. His hands come up to frame my face and sink back into my hair, tilting my face up to his.
I fist his shirt, completely taken off guard by him. Well, that, I didn’t expect.
“You realize we were set up,” is the first thing I say when he releases me.
Way to go, Liv. Not, “Hi. Wow.” Or, “I’m sorry I was a pushy bitch.” Or, “I’m glad to see you.”
“We were?” He raises his eyebrows and reaches around me to open his front door.
I nod and follow him in, explaining. He cuts me off three quarters of the way through with another kiss and drags me toward the sofa.
“Sit,” he orders, tugging me down with him.
Since I don’t have a choice, I cross my legs beneath me in the middle of the sofa, facing him. Tyler settles his own on either side of me and wraps them around my waist, holding me still. I open my mouth, but he presses two fingers to my lips.
“No. Let me talk.”
I nod, and he drops his fingers.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you the way I did. I should have just told you I didn’t want to talk about it and that was it, but I just got really, really pissed off.”
“No kidding,” I mutter.
“Shh,” he scolds, flicking my bottom lip with his thumb. “It frustrates me because I wish you’d recognize what we could have… What we already do have. I wish you’d stop fighting me at every turn. I want more with you, Liv. I want more than just sex, okay? I want you, and I want you and me together.”
I push my hair from my face and look down. “I know. And I know we kind of have more than sex anyway, but I don’t want to accept it yet. And that isn’t fair to you, Ty. You shouldn’t be forced to be in a relationship I refuse to think of as a relationship.”
“Are you breaking up with me but not really breaking up with me?”
“It’s not fair to you,” I whisper. “I can’t expect you to go along with what I want or think of us the way I do when I can’t think of us the way you want. When I can’t accept us the way you want.”
“Wow. This is awkward.”
“I’m sorry.” My chest constricts. “I should probably go.”
“Oh, wow. Now it’s awkward.” He laughs. He reaches out and wraps his arms around me, tugging me into him. “I didn’t mean awkward that way. I meant this is awkward because I have no intention of letting you go.”
I breathe him in. He smells like English tea and sweat—not the hottest combination, but it’s something real and natural. And Tyler.
“But I can’t stay,” I mumble into his chest, resisting the urge to hold him.
“No, you can. Don’t you get it, Liv? I understand everything, okay? I don’t know what’s happened in your past, but I know it’s obviously something really important. Something that has a huge impact on the way you are right now. On why you fight something that’s come together so naturally.”
“I don’t understand.”
He rests two fingers beneath my chin and tilts my head back. His eyes meet mine. His eyes, dark and honest and captivating. “What I’m saying is that I know you’re not fighting me because you want to. You’re doing it because you have to. I also know that, one day, you’ll stop fighting because you’ll see how absolutely futile it is. And when that day comes, I’m gonna be right here waiting for you to see sense.”