“Yes…”
“I don’t get it.”
He frowns. “Don’t get what?”
I tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “You said you didn’t like teaching, but you teach Dayton. Like, what—did you just wake up one morning and decide that you didn’t want to teach anymore? Then do it again, except the other way around?”
“Day’s basically family. It’s different.” His tone is a little tight, and instinct tells me that it’s a sore subject.
It’s a shame that my desire to know everything is a lot stronger than my instinct.
“Well, yeah, but no. I don’t particularly enjoy pulling pints for Donny in the bar, but I’ve worked there for a while now. I wouldn’t just stop and go and do something else randomly. Of course, I don’t have the means to, but—”
“Can we drop this now?”
“I don’t think you’re telling me the truth about why you stopped teaching.” The words blurt out of me before I can stop them.
Tyler’s eyes instantly harden. “Are you ready to sit and tell me everything about your past?”
“No.”
“Then don’t expect me to tell you everything about mine. And definitely don’t expect it when you still look at me as your f**k buddy.”
My lips form an ‘o.’ Shock—that’s what I’m feeling right now. Shock that he came right out and said it… Especially after what I admitted to him last night.
Yeah, I was drunk. Yeah, I was high off an orgasm. That doesn’t make what I said any less true.
That doesn’t mean my addiction isn’t grabbing hold of him, obsessing over him, desiring him.
It doesn’t mean I’m not.
“You know that isn’t true,” I say in a small voice.
“No, I don’t. What you said to me last night doesn’t tell me how you look at me. I’m a f**king addict, Liv. I’ve had sex with a whole bunch of bloody people I don’t see as anything more than a quick shag.”
A lump forms in my throat. I swallow once, twice, three times, but it doesn’t go away. It lingers, heavy, full of emotion.
“And me? Is that how you see me?”
“Don’t turn this shit round on me. You know exactly how I feel about you.”
I stand and lift my hand to run it through my hair before dropping it lamely when I remember that it’s up. “No. No, you know what, Ty? I don’t have a f**king clue because you’ve never actually told me. So until you’re ready to tell me, don’t sit there and tell me how I see you. Don’t sit there and f**king berate me for not telling you how I feel when you haven’t done it yourself.”
I turn and walk to the door, grabbing my phone and keys from the kitchen counter as I do.
“Who’s the one who fights going on a date, Liv? It isn’t me!”
I yank his door open and look at him over my shoulder. “Dates are what you do with someone you’re interested in getting to know. And until you know why I fight your dates, don’t sit there all righteous and f**king judge me.”
His door slams loudly behind me, echoing in the empty hallway. I step into the elevator, my hands shaking, my heart pounding, my lungs constricting tightly.
I clench my fists and press my knuckles into my eyes. Breathe. One to ten. Breathe.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine.
The elevator doors open.
Ten.
I glance around, stupidly expecting him to be here although he has no reason to be. Why would he be? Sex. That’s what we agreed.
Except I really never should have agreed. It’s because of that split-second decision that I now can’t breathe. It’s why I have tears burning the back of my mind and my fingers are itching to press the buttons on the elevator.
Why every part of my being wants to travel back up there and run into him and beg him to glance over all my crap, just for now, and stay.
Why my stomach is twisting with the thought of not touching his skin, not hearing his voice, not having anything to do with him other than official wedding duties.
It’s why my addiction is taking hold, clamping down on me. Trying to force me to do what I know is wrong.
I 0stand in the middle of the lobby for what seems to be the longest few minutes of my life. I ignore everyone around me, ignore the doorman asking me if I’m okay.
Then I look up, I turn, and I walk out of the door.
20
“Dill, have you ever wanted something you know is really bad for you?”
He laughs, his whole body shaking, and lifts his pint. “Every day, darlin’!”
I smile, taking the five-dollar bill from his outstretched hand. “Not like that. I mean, something that could really change your life. Tip-it-upside-down kinda change.”
“Getting philosophical?” Donny slides onto the stool next to him. “Be a doll and get me a beer, Liv.”
I shoot him an annoyed look. “Aren’t you supposed to be working, boss?”
“I’m taking a break.” He smiles at me charmingly. “And my beer?”
Chewing the inside of my lip, I grab a bottle of Bud from the fridge, uncap it, and put it in front of him. “Two ninety please.”
“Are you joking?”
“No. You just put the prices up, and it’ll be my ass you chew out later when the stock and books don’t add up.”
Donny smirks and digs out a ten-dollar bill. He throws it on the bar with, “There. Put me another one in and keep the change.”
I flip him the bird. Boss or not, be an ass**le, I’ll treat you like one.
Old Dill shakes his head. “What do you mean, wanted something you know is bad for you? We’re not talking beer so I’m not following.”
I sigh and lean my hip against the bar. “Okay. So, there’s this guy—”
“The one who was in here the other week?” Donny asks.
I nod. “He’s the best man at my best friend’s wedding this summer. Anyway, we’ve been spending time together. Kind of forced, kind of not. But I know he’s not good for me.”
“So dump him.” Dill shrugs.
“Really? That’s your solve-all answer? ‘Dump him’?”
“Carry on.”
“I like him. Like, I think I really like him. He’s just not good for me…emotionally.” I nibble the skin on the side of my thumb. “What do you do when you want someone and they want you but you know they’re the absolute worst thing for you?”