“But Abbi wouldn't listen. At all. So, I went with her to his parties. She'd never admit it, but she was grateful. She wasn't a fan of his friends – neither was I, mind you, but I'd never let her go into that by herself. I'd been going to them for about two months, somehow keeping up honor roll while Abbi dropped it, when it all kicked off one night.
“Pearce didn't have enough cash on him to pay for his fix. The prices had gone up because his dealer's supply was getting low, and he didn't know. Pearce was at the stage where he needed a fix, badly, and when it all got crazy, Abbi tried to calm him down. He swung and caught her in the face. She went flying across the room. Her nose was gushing blood, and I ran straight to her side. Pearce didn't care. He just wanted his next fix. That was all that mattered to him.
“I ended up coughing up the extra cash, and it was the worst thing I ever did. He took it that since I helped him once, I'd do it again. He didn't seem concerned he'd hit Abbi – I still don't know if it was deliberate or accidental, but I do know it wasn't the last time.”
“Did you stop going to the parties?” My muscles are taut at the thought of her being in a place like that.
She nods. “I went to see Abbi the next day and told her I wouldn't go anymore and that she should break it off with Pearce. She refused. She told her parents she'd slipped on some ice and hit the pavement and that's why her nose was bleeding. It was November, so No one batted an eyelash at it. I felt terrible. I was letting her go to those parties by herself. It wasn't long before she was there as much as Pearce, although she never actually touched the drugs. She'd just have a few drinks.
“Over the next six months, she seemed to have an extra bruise every time I saw her. Whenever I asked her, she'd say she fell down the stairs, got pushed into a wall, or slipped in gym. Pearce pleaded innocence when I confronted him. He said he didn't know what she did when he was getting his fix. Slowly Abbi became someone I didn't know. Where she was once outgoing, carefree, and extroverted, she folded into herself. She became weak and dependent on my brother. And frightened. She was so scared of him. I would hear them arguing all the time, but I reminded myself she chose that. She chose to be with Pearce.
“I tried talking to her one last time, a last-ditch attempt to bring her back, but she wouldn't have it. Whatever it was Pearce had done to her, he'd broken my best friend.”
I hold her tighter to me when I feel her start to shake, and I know what she has to say next won't be good.
Chapter Thirty-One – Maddie
“I remember finding her. Her parents were out of town on business, and her Mom hadn't heard from her so she asked me to check on her. I went.” My hands shake, and my voice is flat, my body numb to the emotions as the night I discovered her plays in my mind.
“Abbi? Abbi, are you in there?” I had knocked on the door frantically. “I'll break in if I have to! C'mon, Abs, your mom is worried about you.”
Nothing. She didn't reply. I banged harder. “You have five seconds to reply or I'm coming in!”
I counted in my head using the Mississippi numbers. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi... We might not have talked in a month, but she was still my best friend.
“Okay, I'm coming in!” I warned one last time and stepped back, kicking the lock on the door a few times. The wood splintered, and I held it open. I stopped dead at the sight before me.
Abbi was lying in the bath fully clothed, the tub half full with her arm hanging over the side. Blood dripped from numerous lines and scratches all up her arm, and a small brown bottle caught my eye. My shaky hand reached out to grab the bottle. Paracetamol. The easiest way. Mom had taught us that – sixteen tablets would be enough if you went long enough without being discovered. Who knows how long Abbi had been locked in her bathroom?
“Oh, Abbi,” I sobbed out and dropped the bottle. It landed on the floor with a deafening clatter in the silence. I backed into the door frame, trying to stop my legs from buckling. I took my phone from my pocket, and my trembling thumb typed out nine one one.
Did she have a pulse? I didn't know. Was she breathing? I didn't know. I was scared to touch her. I was scared to move her. Please don't be dead, I thought. Please don't die on me too. First I'd lost Mom, I couldn't lose Abbi too. I couldn't lose both. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseno.
I hung up after giving the information and stayed staring at her still body. Her chest rose slightly, and a sliver of relief ran through me. She was alive. Maybe.
But why? Why? Why would she do it?
“I knew why, of course,” I whisper. “Pearce had driven her to it. He'd broken her so much that every piece of her was shattered. He'd destroyed her. The only thing she had left to do was exist.”
“Oh, Angel.” Braden holds me tight.
“She's alive. She's in an 'institution' for mentally ill teens outside of Brooklyn. She's alive, but she's not really living. Sometimes I wonder if she'd be better off not here, then I feel terrible.” Tears are warm as they coast down my cheeks. “I still don't know everything Pearce did to her, and I'll never find out. I don't want to know. The idea of it scares me.”
“You feel guilty, don't you?”
“Yes. If I'd just stayed with her, maybe I could have protected her more. I don't know, Bray. Maybe if I'd stayed by her side and not let her be alone, she'd still be, well, normal, I guess.”
“It's not your fault. You didn't do it.”
“I know that. I do, but I hate that I had to find her. It's a good thing I did, though. The paramedics said if I'd left it another few hours before going round, she would have died. She'd taken that many tablets and cut herself all over. She didn't stop at her arms. Her thighs and stomach were covered beneath her clothes. She was wearing black so I didn't see them, but the water in the bath kept the cuts open. She knew exactly what she was doing. It wasn't a cry for attention, it was a real attempt.”
I swipe at my cheeks, and Braden kisses the corners of my eyes. “That's why you hate your brother?”
I nod. “Because he made me lose everything. I'd already lost Mom, and I lost Abbi. Maybe not in the same way, but she's still not the person I knew. She never will be again.”
“I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I really am.” He kisses my forehead. “You know your brother will never come near you again, right? If he does, I'll kick his f**kin' ass, Maddie. I promise you that.”
I nod and press myself to him. “I know.”
“He won't hurt you anymore,” Braden whispers, his arms wrapping my body completely in a blanket of safety.