I half-grin. “That’s not gonna happen. We’re friends. That’s all.”
“Mmhmm. Friends don’t threaten to take the other back to their house just ‘cause they’re mad.”
Blood rushes to my cheeks. “You heard that, huh?”
“He ain’t as smooth as he’d like to think.” Luce laughs.
“I’m about as smooth as the peanut butter you girls put on your toast on the mornin’, Luce.” Reese drawls and pops his head over the side of the truck.
“I don’t have toast,” she retorts.
“And I prefer my peanut butter crunchy.” I smile.
Reese smirks. “You win.”
“What are you doin’?” Adam yells. “Get your asses down here! Ain’t no time to be sitting up there!”
“Sor-ry,” Luce shouts back sarcastically. “I wasn’t aware you had us on a schedule!”
“I’m tryin’ to build a damn campfire here so you can toast your freakin’ marshmallows!”
“Damn males! I should just do it my damn self!”
She jumps down from the truck, and Adam yells something back to her. I hear her gasp; then she stomps over to him. I smile, wondering when they’ll just give it up and accept their attraction for each other.
Reese puts his arms out at the end of the truck. “Come on.”
“I can climb down from a truck.”
“I know that,” he replies and shakes his arms once. “But I’m just helping you. You know, being friendly.”
I raise my eyebrows, letting him grip my waist anyway. I put my hands on his shoulders, and he lifts me down, lowering me slowly to the ground. His eyes are on mine, watching me intently, and a small smile plays on his lips. I lick my bottom lip without thinking, and his eyes flicker down. I swallow against the thumping of my heart and force my breath out slowly, resisting the urge to let my body take control.
Reese’s hazel eyes are darker as they meet mine again, and I let my hands slide slowly down his chest. His fingers flex against my waist, like he’s fighting with himself whether to let me go or not.
I breathe a little faster against my will, and I see his chest heave once. My fingers graze his stomach, and I step back, loosening his hold on me. His hands brush my hips as he drops them from my waist, and I have to stop myself from wrapping my arms around my waist to make up for the loss of him.
“There’s nothin’ friendly about that, baby,” he says in a low voice. “Nothin’ at all.”
I let out a shaky breath. “We’re never gonna be able to be friends, are we?” I whisper sadly. “We’ll never be able to get past whatever it is between us, will we?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t wanna get past it, Kia. Not at all.”
“I can’t have everything. I can’t. It’s always gonna be all or nothing for us, Reese. There’s no in between, there never will be.”
“I’m not asking you fall back into my arms and let me sweep you off your feet,” he whispers, moving some hair from my face gently. “No matter how much I want to, I’m not asking that. I’m just askin’ you to let whatever will happen, happen. I don’t get what good it is with you fightin’ yourself every time.”
“What’s meant to be will be, right?” I shake my head a little in disbelief. “It doesn’t-”
“Work like that?” He raises his eyebrows, his thumb trailing down my cheek and neck. “How do you know if you keep fighting it?”
His hand falls and as he walks past me, I realize tears are burning my eyes. My heart is thumping from being so close to each other, and I take a deep breath in.
“Shit,” I whisper, blinking frantically and turning around.
Luce is pointing her marshmallow prongs at Adam threateningly and he’s standing with his arms out innocently. Reese is sitting next to the fire with his arms hooked around his knees, staring into the flames. I flit my eyes between them all, finally letting my legs lead me toward Reese. I drop onto the ground next to him, crossing my legs, and stare at the fire the same way he is.
Just let it happen. Let it be. What’s meant to be will happen.
Right. Because this is a dang fairytale, and I’m a princess that needs saving. No, its real life. I may be cynical and jaded because of my parents, but I don’t need saving. I don’t need anything that could make me anything like my mom; I don’t want anything that could make me like her.
Reese is the only person and our relationship the only thing that could make me be like her… Yet despite it all, a rapidly growing part of me wants it.
~
After getting in at seven a.m. and promptly falling into bed, I crawled back out at two p.m. and finished the rest of the coffee we had laying around the house. Now, I make my way into the yard with my guitar as last night swirls in my mind.
Just like last summer, our all-nighter consisted of Reese burning marshmallows until Luce flipped and took over, and Adam making suggestive comments in her direction, all while I was sitting to the side, laughing and plaiting blades of grass. Because it’s strangely therapeutic. And it – almost – took my mind off Reese.
Almost.
I settle in the tire swing and rest my guitar on my knee, running my hand along it. It’s amazing that a bit of wood and string can bring me the peace I so badly crave.
I close my eyes. It’s been weeks since I’ve played, but my fingers find the strings as if they were made to be there. I let the music wash over me; I let myself feel it. I let myself feel everything I’ve been hiding away. The music vibrates through my body, and I can feel the tension leave me. As always, the urge to sing overtakes me. It builds inside of me until the only way I can relax is by letting my feelings go in the only way I know how.
You smile at me,
I know the rules,
Step this way,
I’m not a fool.
With a charmin’ smile,
You ask my name,
A flutter of my lashes,
An’ I know this game.
My fingers in your hair,
Your skin touchin’ mine,
Don’t hold back,
I’m feelin’ just fine.
Just one kiss,
See those darkened eyes,
A little touch of your lips,
And I’m mesmerized.
Just one kiss,
See those darkened eyes,
A little touch of your lips,
And I’m mesmerized.
Forever waits and I’m its slave,
My heart is yours, but I’m not brave,