“Was it good?” I asked, raising my eyebrows up and down before taking another sip of my rapidly cooling coffee.
“No. He was a virgin.”
A wince came out before I could stop it. “Oh, my God.” I’d never been with a virgin and I was pretty sure I didn’t want to. “But he must have had some clue about… other stuff.” Just because he hadn’t actually had intercourse didn’t mean he hadn’t logged some time on foreplay.
“No. No, he didn’t.” Aubrey shook her head. “I seriously need to reevaluate my life. Why am I wasting time doing stuff like this? Because that’s what it is- it’s just a big waste of time and my vagina.”
I wanted to encourage her to not be so spontaneous but I didn’t want to risk sounding like I was being judgmental. I just knew that she never felt great about it afterward, no matter how nonchalant she acted. So I chose my words carefully. “I think that virgin or not, it’s probably not going to be awesome sex when you don’t even like the guy.”
But Aubrey just shrugged. “I don’t know. I really kind of hate Andrew and yet when we’re naked it works really well.”
“I don’t understand that.” I didn’t. My experience was limited to one time with Heath and then Ethan. “But I don’t have to. But you have to be sure about what you’re doing, you know what I mean?”
“I’ll keep you posted,” she said, reaching for my coffee. “Why didn’t I buy myself a coffee? I’m freezing.” Then she made a face when she took a sip. “Gross. It’s cold.”
“That’s because it’s freezing out here,” I said with a smile.
Ryan and Carl, guys I knew as fellow business majors, wanted to move past us on the bleacher and Ryan made a big show out of sticking his ass in Aubrey’s face. She smacked it. Hard.
He sat down on her.
“Ow!” she yelled, shoving at him. “Get the f**k off of me.”
But he ignored her and settled in on her lap, like it was totally normal. “So Caitlyn, you and Ethan are getting hitched?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Congrats. That’s major. That’s like, adulthood. A wedding and shit. Damn.”
Maybe it was the fact that he sounded like a total stoner, or maybe it was just hearing the words out loud, but for some reason I felt slightly panicked. It was major. He was right. Ethan asking me to marry him had not made my thoughts immediately leap to an actual wedding. Like a dress and a cake and a reception and a shower and all of that. I had just been thrilled that it was the ultimate commitment. Ethan wanted me. He had picked me over every other girl he had ever dated.
It was like checking the box on the rest of my life. Done.
That had seemed fantastic, exactly what I wanted.
But a wedding? Suddenly it seemed… intense. Real.
“Thanks.” Carl had managed to squeeze into a spot on the bench on my right that was not big enough for his hockey player build. “Carl, Ethan is coming to sit with us. You’re in his spot.”
“You don’t get to save seats,” he said mildly, not looking like he cared as he adjusted his knit cap. He wiggled one of his incisors like a six year old with a loose tooth.
“What are you doing?” I asked despite my better judgment.
“I have a loose tooth. Puck to the mouth in practice.”
The perils of hockey. “So leave it alone. You’ll make it worse.” My phone buzzed in my pocket.
When I pulled it out I saw that Ethan had texted asking me to come meet him down by the concession stand. Got something for you.
That was exciting. Ethan was good at gift giving. I pictured a cupcake or a flower. I stood up and shoved past Ryan. “Take my seat. I’m going to meet Ethan for a minute.”
“You’re going to make out under the bleachers, aren’t you?” Carl asked.
“What are we, fifteen?” Aubrey said. “They’re not going to make out.” She gave me a look. “Are you?”
“Of course not.” Making out in public was not my thing.
Ryan slid down into my seat as I made it to the steps.
“Oh, thank God,” Aubrey breathed. “I can’t feel my legs.”
“Be right back.” I trotted down the stairs and picked my way across the stands and on down to the concession area. I saw Ethan in his nylon jacket pacing in front of the hot dog line.
“Hey,” I said, giving him a smile.
He didn’t smile back. He took my hand and pulled me to the side of the building, away from everyone standing in line.
My stomach clenched. “What’s wrong?”
He pulled a plastic drugstore bag out of his jacket and handed it to me. “Here, put this in your pocket.”
“What is it?” I took it and stared down at it. There was a small box inside the bag from what I could tell.
Leaning in right next to my ear, he murmured, “Emergency contraceptive pill. Go in the restroom and take it. That way we know it’s fine.”
I shoved it inside my jacket immediately, afraid someone had seen, even though it was impossible to tell what it was through the plastic. My face went hot. “Do you think I need to do that? You didn’t…” Why the hell could I never say ‘come’ out loud? But I wasn’t Aubrey. I couldn’t talk about sex casually.
“Chances are less. But there is sperm in pr**cum. It’s a possibility.”
Awkward.
But then Ethan tucked my hair behind my hair. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I drank too much but that’s no excuse. I think it’s better to take the pill and not have to stress about it, and I promise that will never happen again.”
I couldn’t fault him for that. He had stopped as soon as I had asked and I knew why he’d been so aggressive. And now, true to form, Ethan was trying to make up for it. He was looking out for me.
“Okay,” I said, giving him a quick kiss. “Maybe I should look into better birth control.”
“Only if you want to. I don’t want you doing anything you’re not comfortable with. I can control myself better.”
See? Perfect.
I went in the restroom and I took the pill.
After the game and dinner, Ethan walked me back to the sorority house. We were holding hands and despite all my advice to Aubrey, I was shivering slightly. With the sun down, it was windy and brisk.
“Am I coming in?” Ethan asked as we hovered on the sidewalk in front of the house.