The gasp from her mother was pure shock and horror. “Oh, my God, baby, you stay away from him, ya hear me? Call the cops if you see him again.”
“What? Why?” She had expected her mother to be upset, uncomfortable, maybe even a little bitter. She hadn’t expected fear.
Her mother hesitated, but finally she sighed. “I never wanted to tell you. I didn’t think it mattered. I figured gone was gone and that’s all you needed to know.”
“Mama, you’re scaring me. What are you talking about?” Jamie gripped the pint of ice cream, but had no thought to eat it.
“Your father left because he figured out the FBI was closing in on him. He decided to run and leave us to fend for ourselves.”
“Why was the FBI after him?” She didn’t like the sound of this. It almost sounded as if her mother was saying…
“During the late sixties and early seventies your father was a very vocal antiwar, anti-nuclear weapons demonstrator. He did some breaking and entering, too, to burn draft cards. I imagine they would have let him go after a few years in hiding if he hadn’t accidentally burned down a whole building, killing the night janitor.”
“Oh, dear God.” Jamie covered her mouth. She could not reconcile the man who’d held her as a child, loved her, with a violent activist.
“He didn’t tell me any of that when we met and married. It was only later, when he thought his time was running out, that he bothered to mention any of it. I knew he was in the antiwar movement, and I believed him when he said it was all nonviolent, nonconfrontational. I do believe it was an accident, that he never meant to hurt anyone, but I can’t forgive him for dragging me, then you, into the mess he’d made. A responsible man would have admitted his mistake and accepted the consequences.”
“So he’s been in jail all these years?” Jamie closed her eyes again, her throat tight. Destiny propelled people along, but choices could change an entire life. Lives. How would all three of their lives been different if her father hadn’t lit that match?
But that was neither here nor there.
“I know he ran for the first few years after he left because the FBI watched our house randomly, checking to see if he had contacted us. As you know, he never did. Then in the late eighties I heard he was arrested and sent back to New York, where he was convicted of manslaughter. It was my understanding he got twenty years.”
“Apparently he’s been paroled.” Jamie pressed her fingers to her temples. When the heck had the FBI been watching their house? The very idea made her shiver. While she’d been riding her horse? Sunbathing with her girlfriends? It wasn’t a pleasant path to stroll down.
“Well, you stay the hell away from him, Jamie Lynn. He can’t bring you anything but trouble and heartache. He doesn’t deserve to call us family, not after the way he lied, not after the way he left me alone to deal with the consequences of his actions. I can’t even get remarried if I wanted to, because for the first few years I didn’t know where he was, then I didn’t want you to know he was sitting in prison, so we were never divorced.”
“Well, at the very least, maybe now is the time to finally file for divorce, Mama.” She let out a laugh before she could stop herself. It was so completely unbelievable, so ridiculous, so screwed up.
She’d known her parents’ marriage had ended badly. That had been obvious. But she had never dreamt the extent of the dysfunction in her family. No wonder the man hadn’t spoken to her. He had no way of knowing what she knew or didn’t know. He was probably terrified of an ugly confrontation.
Her mom choked back a sob. “I wasn’t expecting this. God, it’s been twenty years and it hurts just as much as the day he left. I don’t know if I could handle speaking to him about a divorce.”
“Mama, it’s okay.” Jamie forgot about her own worries, feelings. It was awful to hear her mother, who had been a rock for all those years, sound so emotional. So hurt. Myra Peters had defined strength as a single mother. Her whole life Jamie had never once seen her mom cry, and here there was a sniffle and a tremble in her voice.
Maybe she’d spent so much time staying strong for her daughter, she’d never dealt with her own grief and hurt.
“You do whatever you think you need to do, Mama. There’s no hurry, no worry. I can find him or I can let it go. I don’t think he wanted anything. I think he just wanted to…see me. That’s all.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth, baby girl. I was trying to protect you. And maybe protect myself, too.”
“That’s okay, Mom. It’s not like I could have seen him anyway.” She took a deep breath, fingered the lid of the ice cream. “I had a good life. I have a good life, thanks to you.”
“You always were such a good girl, Jamie Lynn. I’ve always been proud of you.”
“I know.” Crossing her legs, she wondered why it had been a whole year since she’d seen her mother. She’d give just about anything to have her soft arms around her right then. “Listen, I just need a bit of time to think. How about I call you again tomorrow?”
“Sounds like a good idea. I love you.”
“Love you, too, Mama. Bye.”
“Bye now.”
Jamie cradled the phone in her hand and marveled that while her entire childhood had just shifted and altered in meaning, she felt exactly the same as she always had. In fact, she felt better. Her father hadn’t gotten tired of his wife and daughter and gone on to a second family. He hadn’t stopped loving his wife, and by default stopped loving the daughter she’d given him.
Jim Peters had been a desperate man, running from his past, and looking to protect his family.
Jamie stopped feeling for herself and shifted that emotion over to him. What a lonely, empty life he’d had.
She’d been loved and cherished, surrounded by her mother’s family and good friends. What had he had?
The phone in her hand rang. She glanced at the caller ID, worried it was her mother.
Davidson, Jonathon.
Sighing, she answered. “Hi Davidson, Jonathon.”
He gave a soft laugh. “Hey, Peters, Jamie Lynn. How are you?”
It was more than a casual platitude. He was asking if she was okay. Which she was. She was sad, terribly sad, but she was okay. And it was nice to know that he cared enough to call, even if he was a liar.
Who had thought he was protecting her. That seemed to be an echoing theme in her life lately.