His eyes found mine; I felt my own widen.
I looked away, smoothing my hair around my scars.
“Did you hear me?” Kimber asked, leaning across the table.
“Sorry, what?” I looked up. Amber was gone.
“I said it looks like I’ve found my man to make Cole insanely jealous.”
That’s what I was afraid of.
It was spring, but the air was still cool, and I was grateful. Warm weather was not my friend; I couldn’t wear hoodies and layers of clothes to hide behind. I huddled a little deeper into my jacket and hustled toward my destination. Just the sight of the weathered red barn was enough to soothe some of the day’s worries away. I’d always liked this place, but ever since I woke up in the hospital with huge ugly scars on my face and no memory of how I got them, my grandmother’s home was the only place I felt truly at ease. She was the only person in my family that didn’t coddle or smother me with unwanted pity and worry.
I heard the soft rustle of hay, and I smiled. He knew I was coming. Once I reached the barn I walked directly to the first stall and looked into waiting, coal-black eyes.
“Jasper.” I crooned, reaching out to stroke him. “Hi, boy. I’ve missed you.”
The chestnut colored horse made a soft sound and pushed his nose toward me. Gran had three horses, each of them unique and special in their own way. But Jasper was my favorite. He was a balm to my wounded spirit.
“I brought you something.” I reached into the bag I was carrying and pulled out a crisp red apple. The horse stomped his foot impatiently. I laughed. “Here you go.” As he chomped, the other two horses neighed for their treats. I passed out the fruit and returned to Jasper with a small caddy of brushes.
As I curried him my thoughts wandered a place it shouldn’t…to Sam. I didn’t want him to be a new student at my school. I didn’t want the halls to be buzzing about how cool and good looking he was. I did not want him to be in my seventh period home economics class. I absolutely did not want Kimber using him as some sort of pawn. I did not want to feel anything for him. But I did. I wasn’t even sure what it was. Maybe it was just nerves. A new kid would be curious, interested in knowing how I got to be so ugly. People would talk to him about it – talk to him about me. I could just hear what they would say…
No one knows what happened…not even her.
She’s a freak.
She used to be so popular…now she’s nobody.
Jasper nuzzled my arm, bringing me back to the moment. I shook my head, clearing it. I went about my routine of brushing and saddling the horse. I did a good job of keeping my thoughts at bay until I rode Jasper out to my favorite wooded trail where my thoughts went right back to Sam. Right after the final bell at school, I rushed to my locker wanting to get out of there. I was hoping to avoid Kimber, but I wasn’t fast enough. She wanted to talk about Sam and her plan for revenge. Thankfully, Grandma was waiting outside for me, and I managed to escape, but not before promising to call her when I got home.
I wanted to tell her that this plan to use Sam was stupid. I wanted to tell her to forgive Cole already and move on. But I wouldn’t. I was chicken. I didn’t used to be this way. Before. Whatever happened changed the way I viewed, not just my appearance, but my worth. Sometimes I wondered which was worse. Maybe if I still had the confidence I used to have, I wouldn’t care that half of my face was disfigured. But my confidence was gone – just like cheerleading, the drama club, my fabulous fashion sense, and my friends. All I had left from my old life was Kimber. So, if concocting some stupid scheme to get back at Cole for cheating was what she wanted, then I would go along, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have anything left at all.
Jasper danced beneath me, and I patted his neck to settle him. I took a moment to gaze off into the newly budding trees ahead. Soon the forest would be a canopy of green, and I looked forward to it. I always felt at peace and protected among the trees here. Somewhere off to my left I heard a branch snap. Startled, I looked to where I’d heard the noise; there was nothing there. I nudged a reluctant Jasper along, feeling silly, yet I couldn’t convince my heart to slow down. A few feet farther there was another snap, this one a little closer than the last. Jasper’s ears pricked up, and he turned toward the sound. Suddenly his nostrils flared, and he took off running. I grasped at the reins but didn’t bother to try to slow him down; if he sensed danger then I wanted him to run. I tucked my head down and urged him faster. I thought I heard another scuffle behind us, but I didn’t turn to look. Broken memories and feelings began building in my chest. I felt like I might burst with anxiety. A sob escaped.
“Not again.” I trembled, urging Jasper faster. The roof of the barn came into view, and I held on to the sight. I was almost there. I tried to listen for anyone following but heard nothing except the pounding of my own heart. When we reached the barn, I took a deep breath and turned to look behind me. There was no one there.
I felt silly.
Though, silly as I felt, I didn’t slow Jasper down until we were safely inside the barn. Once there, I dismounted and swung the barn doors closed, bolting them. I ignored the trembling in my knees and hands as I lead Jasper to his stall. I tried to take comfort in the fact the horse showed no signs of distress.
I couldn’t.
With Jasper in his stall, I walked to a corner of the barn filled with hay, sank down and cried my eyes out.
The Hate
Her crying amused me. She came prancing into the forest on that silly horse not even realizing I was watching. The horse noticed, but as always she was too involved in herself to notice that it was trying to warn her. She trotted right past me, so close that I could have reached out and touched her. Ahh, to see the terror in her eyes when she realized that all that looking over her shoulder wasn’t for nothing. That there really is a monster in the shadows…waiting. But the time isn’t right yet, and it was all too easy to scare her. All I had to do was make a single sound to send her fleeing the woods with fear on her face. Her cowardice annoyed me.
Months I have been stalking her, and I still can’t figure out what it is that he loves so much. I guess some might call her beautiful – well they would have. I took care of that. With those huge, disgusting scars on her face, no one can stand the sight of her. Still, he watches her. He obsesses over her. He doesn’t see the real her, he sees what he wants to see. He’s blind to her. What he needs is a lesson…an education on all things about ‘little Miss Priss.’ Maybe then he would finally see what world he belongs in. He’s fooled himself into thinking that there might be some good left inside him. But no more. I wonder who he will turn into when he sees her dead and lifeless body lying before him. Yes, when she is dead he will finally accept what he is and who he isn’t.