“You didn’t.” My shaky voice betrayed me.
He sat back in his chair and watched me for several moments until I looked up. He seemed angry with his jaw set and hand clenched in his lap. “I’m sorry,” I told him.
“Me too.” The simple words were spoken like he truly meant them, and I couldn’t figure out what he might be so sorry for. Was it was the fact that he tried to touch me, or the fact I was too chicken to let him.
“I have to go, I…I don’t want to be late for class.”
His white teeth flashed, and he laughed.
“What?” I scowled.
He motioned to the room, and I managed to break my eyes away from his beauty.
I gasped. “How long?”
“About five minutes.” He was amused.
I, of course, was mortified. I’d sat there with Sam for five minutes without noticing that the room was completely empty.
Chapter Five
Heven
The skies were dark and cloudy, matching my mood. Why did I always allow her to talk me into things that I absolutely did not want to do? From the window seat of the bus I stared out, watching the trees bow and sway in the increasing wind.
A storm was coming.
In the glass of the window I saw Kimber slide into the seat beside me. With a sigh I turned to face her.
“Want me to do your hair?”
“No,” I replied quickly. “I’ll do it before we go on.”
She didn’t press, which was a good thing. “Thanks for doing this,” she said, lowering her voice.
I looked down at my lap, noting the bright colors of my cheerleading uniform – something I thought I would never wear again. I thought back to the day at lunch, the day I secretly think of as “the day Sam stole my heart”, and remembered the broken look on Kimber’s face after school. Her strategic ‘dating’ of Sam worked too well so things with Cole were not going well. In my head I told myself that it was her fault, and in my heart, I felt a teeny bit of satisfaction that she was getting a little payback for making me watch her with Sam. But she was my best friend – my only friend, and I hated to see that broken look on her face. So, when I denied her request once more to cheer for the competition, she informed me that I was their last hope. If I did not agree to learn the cheer, then the entire squad would have to forfeit. How could I do that to my old squad? It made me feel downright guilty.
So here I sat, on a bus headed toward Portland, for a very public cheering competition. The girls surprised me with smiles and welcomes. I even got a few thank yous for bailing them out of a forfeit, and it felt good to be back with the squad. The practices were fun, and the routine was super easy to learn; I even managed to change a few moves to make it better. If only I could skip the competition. Every mile that we drew closer to Portland the more nervous I got.
“You’re nervous, huh?”
I nodded.
“No one is even going to notice.”
She was trying to be nice, but I knew better. My puckered, raised scars were too noticeable, and to top it off we had to wear our hair up. Ugh. At least I managed to talk the coach into letting me be in the back. She wanted me in the front, but I made it clear it was the back row or nothing.
“Let’s talk about something else,” I said. “How are things with Cole?”
She screwed her face up. “I really messed things up good.”
“He’s still mad?”
“Hurt, angry and betrayed is more like it. But he’s driving up here today to watch.”
“That’s great!”
“Yeah. I don’t know if I can fix things with him. I was stupid.”
I was afraid to ask about Sam and what was going on between them. She hadn’t mentioned him in a while, but I saw them in the hall the other day. “His coming up here is a good sign.”
“Yeah. Although I think that he might be coming just to see what I’m doing, or rather what I’m not doing.”
“Oh.”
“I feel bad for Sam, though.”
“Why?” My heart picked up at his mention.
“Cole is pissed, and it’s mostly directed at him.”
“Kimber! You can’t let him be mad at Sam for something that isn’t even his fault!” My breath stuttered, and I felt my control slipping. The thought of Sam getting hurt was more than I could bear.
“I know,” she answered miserably. “But with Cole so mad at Sam, he isn’t as mad at me.”
“Kimber,” I gasped.
“Fine. I’ll tell him.”
“Want me to talk to Cole?”
“Couldn’t hurt. Cole has a soft spot for you.” She nudged me with her elbow. I couldn’t help but smile.
“You’ll be great today,” Kimber whispered, sinking down to rest her head on my shoulder.
I stared out the bus window at the gathering clouds, hoping just to make it through the day.
The roar of the crowd and the loud beat of the music made me want to throw up. I stood behind the curtain waiting for the signal that it was our turn to perform. I couldn’t stand still, shifting from one foot to the other and fidgeting with my ponytail.
“Your hair is fine,” Kimber said from beside me.
“Well, yours looks gorgeous.”
Kimber smiled. Then the announcer was calling for our squad, and the crowd was cheering. The next thing I knew, I was being pulled and pushed by the girls out onto the platform beneath bright lights. I found my spot, my feet feeling like concrete blocks, and stood still while everyone moved around me, getting ready. Panic rushed through me as the hundreds of faces in the crowd blurred to one. I couldn’t do this. I. Could. Not. Do. This.
Just as our music began playing there was movement in the crowd that drew my eye. It was Sam. My eyes locked on his, and he nodded. That profound, familiar feeling of safety that he always brought flowed through me. I could do this. His presence meant everything to me. Air filled my lungs as the squad started moving. I plastered a huge smile on my face and performed the routine with perfection, all the while keeping my eyes on Sam.
Before I knew it the audience was clapping and cheering and the music went off. The girls bustled around me, high fiving each other and squealing with excitement. But I just stood there, a solitary being in the center of chaos. I couldn’t look away from Sam. I didn’t want to. He was here for me. I felt it in my core; I could practically taste it in the air. He never once looked away during the entire performance. It was as if he knew that he was the one thing that tethered me to the floor. He never once glanced in the direction of Kimber; it was almost as if no one else existed for him but me. I marveled in the fact that I could have the most personal moment of my life in a room filled with people.