As much as I want to believe that Kate will forgive me, I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I've lost her for good.
Fuck, I wish I had a f**king time machine so that I could go back all those months ago and tell her with my first message as nightdancer.
She told me she felt stupid, and that 'poor Kate had to resort to internet dating'. Nothing could be further from the truth, but she wouldn't give me a chance to explain. She just took off out the door, but not until she'd delivered the most crushing blow of all to my heart. She had thought I was the one.
All night I lie in our bed wondering how I'd f**ked this up so badly and what in God's name I was going to do to get my girl back. Because I want her back.
I need her back.
By the time the sun comes up, I've barely slept, and I have a full shift ahead of me. I've tried ringing her, but every call is sent to her answering machine. Every text is ignored. It is like she's Antarctica, and I'm a stranded ship without navigation.
FUCK!
I just need a chance to explain. Maybe some space is needed. What if I move back into my old apartment? That will give Kate space to think about things.
Yes. I think that's what I need to do. I grab my phone and call Zach.
“Zach.”
“Zan. What's up?”
“I need my room back.”
“You f**ked up already, man?”
“Fuck you.”
“What did you do? Get caught with your pants down?”
“No, ass**le. Would you look elsewhere if you had Kate?” The line goes silent. “No, I didn't think so. She found out about the internet dating profile, and that I was the guy she was talking to.”
“You're a f**king moron, dude. I thought you told her. Isn't that why you didn't move back?”
“I didn't move back because we were together and happy. To be honest, I f**king forgot about the stupid website. I haven't logged on for ages. That was until this afternoon at the bar. She borrowed my laptop tonight and must've seen the site in my favorites.”
“You f**ked up.”
“Yeah, you think?” I reply deadpan.
“So she kicked you out?”
“Kind of. She told me to be gone when she gets back, then she stormed out. Mac texted me last night. She went to their place. I think it would be better if I give her some space and move out.”
“You sure it won't make things worse?”
“I don't have a clue right now, but she should at least be able to come home without me here stopping her. It's the least I can do.”
“You going to win her back?”
“I f**king hope so. I don't want anyone else. Only her.”
“Well, you need to tell her that. I'm the wrong person, sunshine,” he replies.
“If she'd pick up the damn phone, or answer one of my ten text messages, then I'd tell her.”
“She isn't going to answer, dude. You need to do something big, huge, to make up for this. This is the stuff that relationships are ruined by. You f**ked up. You need to own it, then you can move on and make it up to her.”
“All hail the wise one. I've got to go to the station. I'll pack my stuff and dump it in my room on my way. All good?”
“Sure, man. I hope you get this sorted.”
“Me too. More than anything I've ever wanted in my life.”
KATE
I was barely able to talk when I knocked on Mac and Daniel's door last night. I was about to walk away when Daniel answered with a towel wrapped around his waist, and the best case of sex hair I'd ever seen. I started crying again, knowing I'd interrupted their engagement celebration sex.
“I'm…sorry. I'll..g…g…o,” I stuttered, turning and moving toward the elevators.
“Kate! Get your ass in here now,” Daniel's voice bellowed down the hallway. I scurried through the door and took up residence on their couch.
“I'm so sorry. I knew I'd cause trouble by coming here.”
“Kate, you are welcome here anytime. You need Mac, and you need me. We're here for you.”
I started crying again, and Daniel's eyes softened as he turned and yelled toward their bedroom. “Mac, put some clothes on and come out here. Kate needs her best friend.” He walked toward me and sat down. “Whatever he's done, it'll be okay.”
“How did you…? Never mind. I don't think it will be okay,” I'd spit out before burying my face in his chest and bawling my eyes out.
“Kate, if this is payback for earlier, I…” Mac walked into the room and stopped dead in her tracks as I looked up at her, pain written all over my face.
“Shit. Superman, she needs white wine. Stat.”
“That I can do.” With a kiss on my forehead, Daniel got up and headed to the bedroom to get dressed.
Mac sat next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. My tears wouldn't stop falling. I didn't know how to stop them. Did I want to stop them? I was beyond caring what I looked like right now. My heart was broken. My seemingly perfect relationship had been a lie.
“Babe, what happened?” she asked as Daniel handed me a glass of wine and took a seat opposite us. I hadn't even realized he'd walked back in the room.
“I got home on a real high. You know me, I'm emotional. I cried the whole time Daniel was on his knee in front of you. Well, I kind of jumped Zander when I got home, and all was right with the world. You have your dream guy. I had mine. So when I asked to use his computer, I didn't think anything of it until I saw the Chicago Singles site on his favorites. I couldn't help myself. I opened it, and there was his username saved, all ready to go.”
“It's not a crime to be on a dating site, hon.”
“No, but do you remember that guy I told you about that I was talking to on the internet?”
“Yeah, but you stopped that awhile ago, right?”
“Of course I did. I sent him a message a few months ago after my second date with Zander and said that I'd met someone, and I wanted to see where it was going.”
I looked at Mac, but her face was expressionless. She'd pulled her arm back and was wringing her hands in her lap. Something seemed off. I'd expected her to be more pissed at him. My bulldog best friend should have been all over this like a dog in heat, but she wasn't. She knew my stance on lying, but she'd stayed quiet, looking at the floor as if she'd wanted it to swallow her up.
It was what she didn't say that grabbed my attention. She was too quiet and reserved compared to when I'd first arrived. Her reaction was too controlled.
“Mac, What-”
“Did he get angry at you for snooping or something?” she asked, interrupting me. She was acting really defensive.