I tried to turn my neck away from him, but he just turned it toward him again. “I’ve been waiting all day for you.”
“I have to go.”
“No, you don’t. I’m not done with you.” Those words—I hadn’t heard them in so long but it all came back to me. I hadn’t had a flashback in years. Images flooded my mind, like a terrifying movie.
I pushed against him. “Let me go.” The tears started to flood my face.
He moved off me, letting me sit up. “Becca? What’s going on?”
I pulled down my shirt from where it was riding up and walked to find my shoes. I felt his arms come around me from behind. “Becca, did I do something? Did that upset you? I was just playing around.”
I turned to look at him, well aware that my face was a swollen mess of tears.
“It’s not your fault, but I have to go.”
“No. You need to tell me what’s going on. I’m not letting you leave until we talk this out.”
“Who are you to stop me?” I challenged.
“Your boyfriend.”
Hearing those words and the conviction he used when he said them stopped me in my tracks. He deserved the truth even if I didn’t want to share it.
“I don’t want to ruin this.” I gestured at the space between us.
“Ruin what?” He took my hand and led me back to the couch, where I crumpled into a ball in his arms. I felt so safe there, like nothing in the world could ever hurt me again.
“Us.”
“Nothing’s going to ruin us. You can tell me anything.” His kind eyes pleaded with me.
“It’s going to change things.” The thought made my stomach churn. I wanted everything to stay exactly the way it was—perfect.
“I doubt it, but if you’re right, then so be it. I need to know what’s wrong.”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I wasn’t actually a virgin.” I was too afraid to even look up at him.
“Okay.” When I didn’t say anything right away, he continued. “That’s not what you’re upset about, is it? That I’d be mad? Because I liked thinking I was the only one, but it doesn’t matter—”
I cut him off. “No. That’s not it.” I made myself look at him. “I’ll show you.” I pulled off my shirt, and watched the look of confusion cross his face. I pulled down my bra to show him the marks he’d obviously noticed but had been kind enough to never bring up.
“Who did that to you?” He pulled me back into his arms. “Who hurt you, Becca?”
I glanced down at the scars. They had faded over the years, but the two lines were still pink and raised. I ran a finger over one. I still hated to touch them. “It was senior year of high school. Mom was away, and I was sleeping. The police said he’d probably been following me for a while, waiting for the chance.” I paused, trying to build up the strength to continue. I hadn’t shared this with anyone since it happened.
I felt Gavin’s arms tighten around me. “I woke up when he pulled down my blankets. I could barely see him in the darkness, but his voice chilled me when he asked me if I’d been waiting for him. I tried to fight him, but he was so much stronger. He got my pajamas off and his pants before pinning my arms above me so he could tie them to the headboard. Before he actually did it, he turned on my lamp and made those marks, saying they’d help me remember him.”
I choked down sobs. “The cuts hurt, but it was nothing compared to how much it hurt when he took me. He definitely tried to make it painful, like he was trying to punish me.”
“Oh god, Becca.” Gavin squeezed my hands.
“I struggled after, and he told me to stop because he wasn’t done with me. Then he did it again.” I paused to regain a semblance of composure. “So now you know.” I pulled away and reached for my t-shirt, but Gavin stopped me by taking my hands in his again.
“I am so sorry you had to go through that.” The compassion on his face was obvious, but I also knew he’d never look at me the same way again. Now I was the victim, nothing more.
“It’s the past.” I remembered how he said the same thing about his injury.
“I need to kill that son of a bitch.”
I didn’t doubt his statement. Underneath the compassion lurked a lot of anger.
“Listen, I’ll make it easy on you.” I gathered my courage.
“What?” He looked startled.
“I know this changes things. Don’t worry, I understand. It’s been fun.” I reached again for my shirt.
“Are you trying to break up with me?”
“So you don’t have to.”
He put a hand under my chin and made me look at him. “Yes, this changes things. I now know I need to be more careful, but it doesn’t change how I feel.” He released my chin and pulled me in for a hug.
“More careful? See, that ruins everything.”
“How? How does that ruin anything?”
“I don’t want you pitying me, afraid to hurt me.”
“I don’t pity you. I just don’t want to give you another flashback. That’s what happened, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “I think I should tell you the rest. You should hear it all.” I was tired of half-truths. I wanted it all out.
“Okay.”
“They caught the guy from the description I gave, but they didn’t have enough evidence to convict him. He’d been nice enough to use a condom both times.”
Gavin nodded, so I continued, but I felt his body tense.
“That was when I decided to become a prosecutor. I wanted to spend my life putting those kinds of people behind bars.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Gavin
I could have killed. I tend to think of myself as a fairly calm guy, but hearing that some low life had done something so horrible to the girl I loved made me sick. I tried to push away the anger and focus on what was most important: taking care of Becca. So much more made sense now: her drive to work in the D.A.’s office, her fears. It was like someone had finally turned on a light.
“I’m going to make sure you feel safe from now on. You know that right?”
“This doesn’t involve you. It’s been years, and I’ve dealt with it on my own the whole time.”
“Of course it involves me.” I tried to keep my voice calm. I didn’t want to scare her, but I didn’t like her trying to push me away.