I groaned. “Please no.” There was no way I was going down that road again.
***
I’d never been one for boats. It’s not that I didn’t like them; it was more of a trust issue. For a girl who loved swimming, it probably didn’t make much sense, but I hated the idea of being out on the water. When I tried to explain it to Gavin, he’d laughed. It wasn’t a mean laugh, but he pretty much told me I was crazy.
“I promise, we’ll be perfectly safe.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t really change anything.”
“My promise doesn’t mean anything?” He sounded slightly offended. We were having this conversation through the partially closed door of my bathroom. I still felt weird changing into a swim suit with him watching.
“It’s not about your promise. It’s about the boat.” I walked out of the bathroom, enjoying the expression on Gavin’s face.
He’d asked me to wear the red bikini again, but I figured he’d like the yellow one just as much. “Did you hear me?” I teased. His eyes still hadn’t moved back up to my face.
“You’re really refusing to come out on the boat?”
“No. I didn’t say I wouldn’t go, just that I was nervous about it.”
“Oh.” He smiled. “That’s different.”
“I don’t usually let my fears get in the way of living.” I wanted the statement to be true, even though it usually wasn’t.
“Are you ready?”
I slipped on a white cotton cover up dress and some flip flops. “Sure, let’s do this.”
He laughed. “Don’t make it sound like I’m taking you to your execution.”
“For all you know, you are.”
He took my hand, pulling me against him. “I’m not.”
“You promise?”
“Uh huh.” His voice was husky as his lips brushed against my neck. “But we can stay here if you really want.”
“Two minutes ago, you were pushing me out the door.”
“That was before you came out wearing that bikini.” His lips barely left my skin, and he started to slip a hand under my cover up.
I pushed his hand away. He groaned.
“We’re leaving.” There was no way we were hooking up in the Mathews’s pool house. Besides, I’d finally geared myself up for the boat ride. I wasn’t backing out.
He reluctantly moved away a little. “You’re no fun.”
“That’s not what you said a few hours ago.”
“You were fun a few hours ago…”
“If you keep this up, I’m going to think you’re only using me for sex.”
He straightened up and practically towed me from the house. “That’s ridiculous. Don’t ever think that.” I could feel tension in him.
He rushed us out to his car and helped me in. “Gavin?”
“Yeah?” He pulled away from the curb and headed toward the dock where he kept his boat.
“I was only joking back there.”
“Are you sure? I hope so. I can’t help the way I am around you, but I want you for a lot more than that.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
He put a hand on my leg. “Please do.”
We parked at the marina, and he led me over to a small white boat. As we boarded, I tried to swallow my nerves. He squeezed my hand reassuringly. “You’re going to be fine.”
I took a seat, holding on as Gavin started up the motor.
I closed my eyes as he got ready to steer us out of the marina. “I can do this.”
He laughed. “You can open your eyes. I swear it’s okay.”
We skimmed quickly over the gentle swells, and the breeze off the water felt great with the mid-day heat. He drove us out for a few more minutes before stopping and turning off the engine.
I leaned back on my arms, enjoying the way the sun felt on my skin. If I concentrated on the sun, I could almost forget we were out on the water.
“You’re gorgeous.”
I looked up. Gavin watched me.
“Thank you.”
“I mean it.”
“You don’t look so bad yourself, you know.” What an understatement. I don’t think I’d ever get tired of looking at Gavin—especially with his shirt off.
“Tell me something about you that no one else knows.” He shifted so that he faced me.
Talk about a conversation change. “Something no one knows?”
“Yeah. I want to know a secret.”
A few months ago, it would have been hard to come up with something, but with Mom gone, I now had lots of secrets. I glanced at him. He was still watching me carefully.
“I’m sure you don’t want to know any of my secrets.”
“Sure I do. I want to know everything about you.” He placed a hand on my leg. I loved how he always found a way to touch me.
“Yeah right.”
“I do.”
There was something so comforting about Gavin. Staring into his eyes for just a few minutes was enough to ease my nerves. In some ways, it felt as if we were in our own little cocoon. After talking to Molly, one secret was really on my mind.
“My parents didn’t want me.”
“What?” Gavin grabbed my hand. “Why would you say that?”
“You asked for a secret…”
“Okay.” He paused as if choosing his words carefully. “Why would you think that? I know your dad left, but you said you were close to your mom…”
“My dad left because my mom wasn’t around. I wasn’t exactly planned. Mom traveled for work, so my dad had to do a lot at home. He eventually snapped.”
“He just packed up and left?”
“No packing. He left for work. He was supposed to be home early to take me to a game. We were playing the Orioles. But he never came back. My babysitter had to call my mom who was in Paris for work.”
“Did you ever look for him?”
“Mom said there was no point. Why look for someone who didn’t want us?”
“You never got curious?” Gavin moved closer, letting me lay my head in his lap.
“My mom didn’t want me to, and I felt like she’d sacrificed enough for me that I could do that for her. He contacted me after she died though.”
“How was that?” Gavin played with my hair. I loved how he just asked questions. He didn’t go on about how bad he felt or anything.
“Awkward. He showed up at the funeral. I think he still expected to find a little girl. He wanted to reconnect, and he offered me some money. I told him no thanks, I was doing just fine. It just felt wrong, you know?”