I laughed dryly. “How would you know what was like me? You barely know me.”
“I know you well enough.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Just thinking about Gavin made me angry. I felt so used and so stupid. And the worst part was that there was some side of me that wanted to see him again—that kind of missed him. I was seriously messed up.
“Come on, tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded.
So Jake wanted me to open up? He was going to get what he asked for. I sat back down on the couch. He sat down next to me.
“Have you ever been with a girl who was so bad in bed you wanted to pretend it never happened?” I couldn’t make myself meet his eye as I asked. I was sure my face was bright red.
“What?” He looked at me as if I were crazy.
“Answer me.” I felt hot tears of embarrassment forming.
“No. Never. But where the hell is this coming from?”
“I think I’m that girl.” That was it. I couldn’t hold back.
“What happened?” Jake moved closer to me, and I leaned into him. “Are you trying to tell me you slept with someone since the last time I saw you?”
I was sobbing too hard to answer him, so I nodded.
He pulled back and took my face in his hands. “Look at me. I don’t know what happened, but I promise you, you didn’t do anything wrong, and you certainly weren’t bad in bed. You got that?”
I nodded again, humiliated to be having the conversation. He released my face.
“Okay, now that we’ve established that. Who the hell is the asshole? And what exactly did he say to you?”
I took a few deep breaths while Jake went to grab a box of tissues from the bathroom. “I can’t tell you. He wanted to keep it between us.”
“What the hell? Tell me, Becca. I swear I’m going to go ballistic if you don’t!”
“Calm down.” I took a tissue.
“No. Who was it?”
I was so pissed at Gavin that I let it out. “Gavin.”
“What? You slept with Gavin? Why?”
“I don’t know. We were drunk, and it just happened.”
“And he told you he didn’t want you to tell anyone?”
“He said it was a mistake, and we should forget it ever happened, or something like that. He said we should keep it between us.”
“What? What a fucking idiot.”
“Jake. I’m an adult. I made the decision to sleep with him.”
“Yeah, but he’s the one who treated you that way. And he goes around acting all holier than thou. What a crock of shit.” Jake drew in a deep breath. The anger on his face was such a contrast to his usual grin.
“I just feel dumb. If I could find another job somewhere, I’d just get the heck out of this town.”
“Becca, don’t say that. And don’t feel dumb. You wanted to do something, so you did it. It’s not your fault he acted like that. You belong here as much as he does.”
“He lives here. I don’t.”
“For now. He’s not from here either. And hey, you could always come back after you graduate.”
I laughed. “And why would I do that?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Why not?”
“As much fun as I’m having working at Morgan and Morgan, it’s not like it’s my dream job.” I’m sure he heard the sarcasm in my voice.
“It’s not the only law job.”
“True, but I’m not coming back. Any chance of that’s gone. I am so embarrassed. And can I admit something?”
“Of course.”
“I actually felt something. I really thought we might have had a connection or something.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I relaxed. It felt good to get it out.
“Interesting.”
“Not really, but if you say so.” I curled my feet up under me, trying to get more comfortable.
“Are you okay?”
“Uh huh.”
Jake stood up suddenly. “Okay, so I need to go do something.”
“What do you have to do now?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll call you later though.”
“Okay.” I tried to hide my disappointment that he was leaving, but he had his own life.
When he left, I tried not to dwell on Gavin or the scholarship. I could take out loans, but just like Gavin, losing my scholarship reminded me of how much of a failure I’d become. If there had been one constant in my life, it was that I could handle academics, and now I couldn’t even do that.
Chapter Fourteen
Gavin
If I’d had any doubt before, by Saturday I knew for sure that I’d made a huge mistake. One night with Becca and the damage was already done. How much worse could it have been if I’d let it become something more, assuming she was even interested in that? But it’s not like it was a one night stand or forever. We could have tried.
I agreed to go to Tom’s barbeque in hopes of seeing Becca. If I could just talk to her, I could gauge how she felt about things.
I rang the doorbell, but Kelly yelled for me to come in. I walked into the kitchen and found Molly and Kelly deep in conversation. “I’m telling you something’s up with her. I just don’t know what it is.”
“Are you sure this isn’t about her mom? It’s only been a few months, right? You were pretty messed up about your dad.” Kelly pulled some beer out of the fridge.
They had to have been talking about Becca.
Molly glanced over at me before lowering her voice slightly. “I think it’s more. Becca’s a glass half full kind of girl. She takes everything in stride. I always envied her that ability.”
“What was her excuse this time?”
“She didn’t give one. She just texted me to say she wasn’t up for it and to tell you sorry.” Molly looked back over at me. “What are you still doing in here? The guys are outside.”
“Okay…” I reluctantly turned to leave. I wanted to know what was going on with Becca, but I didn’t feel like crossing those two.
“Here, take these with you.” Kelly shoved a bowl of chips at me and handed me a beer.
I joined Tom and Ben outside, placing the bowl on a table.
“Hey, man. We were wondering when you’d get here.”
“So, is it just us then?” I spent way too much of my time with those two couples.
“Yeah. We invited Becca, but she isn’t coming.”