He stumbled backward, dazed.
“What was that? I … I …” I ran a forearm over my bruised mouth. I tried to refocus. Everything was blurred. “That wasn’t a normal kiss, Rourke. I know you’re hot, and my wolf’s been going apeshit over you, but holy crap. I’ve never … that was … I …” There were no words.
Rourke stared at me without speaking, his irises a full blaze of green. He appeared as stunned as I felt.
My wolf howled, angry with me. She shot a picture into my mind of Rourke looking down on us like he just had, but this time we were licking and biting his chin.
Ohmygod.
No. My wolf danced around excitedly, like she’d been doing all day. Rourke is not our mate. She snarled and bared her teeth. No! It can’t possibly be right. That would be insanity. She howled. I shook my head. There had to be some mistake.
“Jessica.” Rourke closed the gap between us and tried to reach for me again.
I stepped to the side, pushing him away. “You knew,” I said accusingly. “You knew what was happening—what had been happening to us all day—and you didn’t say a damn thing.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I had no idea until right now. Until I just tasted you. Something shattered between us when we came together and I know you felt it too.” He gazed at me in open wonder. “Your blood is calling to me right now. Just being this far apart is making me crazy. I need to touch you.”
He felt different to me too, but I wasn’t ready to admit it. It was too much. “How could this happen?” I scooted away. I needed some space. “Cats and dogs don’t play together, and if this really is true, the universe is playing some kind of cruel joke on us.”
“It’s no joke,” Rourke said, taking another step toward me. “Jessica, when I first saw you striding toward me in the bar, all confident and headstrong, it was all I could do not to bend you over a barstool and take you right there. But I marked it up to a regular male response to a gorgeous woman. I didn’t think about it any more than that.” His eyes were still wild, firing a beautiful green. “When I realized you hadn’t set me up, and you were in real trouble—my beast went crazy trying to get you out of there and out of harm’s way. I had trouble controlling his impulses, and it pissed me off. That has never happened to me before. It seems I’ve been denying him the whole time I’ve been with you, pushing him back, scolding him. He never stopped urging me, fighting with me, until this very moment. When you got in my face, I finally gave in to what he’s been pushing me to do all along.”
“And what was that?” I asked warily.
“To taste you.”
I knew in my bones what he was saying was true. I’d been denying my wolf just as hard. But that didn’t make it any easier to swallow. Rourke was nothing like any of the wolves had thought, but I still wasn’t ready. I’d just turned into a wolf—now I had a mate? It was too much, an insane amount of too much. “I can’t think. None of this is making any sense.” I put my hand to my forehead. “Why us? Why now? It takes some a thousand years to find their true mate.” I turned. “I need some air.” Before he could object I darted out the door, slamming it firmly behind me.
My wolf had gone quiet for once, her head angled at me like she wanted to ask a question. I cannot talk about this with you. I know where you stand, you’ve been abundantly clear on all fronts. You accept him. I get it. But I can’t deal with this right now. His scent is still inside me, driving me crazy. His taste is still on my lips. I crave him even now. Holy shit, I had a mate. And he was a cat.
I ran headfirst into the woods.
20
I followed a well-worn path leading away from the cabin. It ran without stopping straight into a wall of densely packed pine trees. I had to duck my head and pull apart low branches to get through.
Inside was a tiny clearing, ringed tightly with tall trees. The grassy field in the middle was so perfect and green, it appeared to have been freshly mowed. That was inconceivable. Rourke didn’t come up here and mow lawns.
I paced into the middle and looked up. The trees were entrancing, like a beautiful forested cathedral made of swaying boughs with a rooftop of the purest blue. The edges of the sky were fading to orange with the setting sun.
We have to do something, I told my wolf. I have to get my mind off of all this. She mimicked lying on the ground and barked. You want to shift? She yipped. What if I can’t shift all the way? She snapped the air in front of her and flicked her muzzle. It’s not a stupid question. We did that whole Lycan thing, and I have no idea how it happened, or how to do it again. She turned away from me like it wasn’t any concern of hers. What if I’m not in control as a wolf? I’m not ready for a repeat of the last time we were in our full true form. My wolf turned around slowly, her eyes clear as she put her paw up against the opaque barrier between us in my mind. I had dropped it momentarily when we’d fought the rogue, but it was still there. She was telling me it still held, it was still strong.
I was in control whether she liked it or not.
Okay, let’s try it then. I’ve really got nothing to lose.
I shimmied out of my clothes quickly and lay down on the grass, pushing Rourke and the kiss from my mind. It took gargantuan effort. All my body really wanted to do was run back to him.
I closed my eyes and focused on my wolf, which wasn’t hard because she had situated herself front and center, waiting for me to get with the program. Okay, this is all you. I’m trusting you to know what to do. She growled, urging me along. Fine, fine, I’m going.
Once I was settled, I pushed out to her. I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right, but it felt comfortable. The barrier between us bowed, but held. Power flowed through me, transferring to my wolf through the screen. She howled fiercely as she accepted it. Shivers shot though me as my muscles started to dance and move. Slowly at first, and then more rapidly, like my body was yielding on its own.
My back arched, my spine lifting off the ground, starting to shift beneath me. Soft fur sprouted along my arms and legs, my canines and claws elongating to full length. My legs bent and twisted as they changed.
There was no shock of pain this time. My father had been right.
Instead, a constant pressure mixed with liquid heat ran through my veins. Raw energy transformed my body; it shaped me and shook me with need.
My body wanted this, it welcomed it.
When it was over, I sprawled on my stomach panting heavily. My paws spread out in front of me. I have paws. I laughed. It was funny to think of myself with anything other than hands. I blinked a few times, adjusting to the field of vision, which was sharper and much more precise than before. I pushed out to my wolf and found her sitting right next to me, panting with me, seeing everything I saw.