“Why not?”
I forced a shrug. “Because I want to know what to expect. Because I’m more like my father than I realized. I like being in control too.”
“With me, you’ve never been in control.”
“Yeah, I know that now.” I blinked back tears, refusing to show him how much I hurt. Refusing to show him my weakness—him. “But from now on, I will be.”
I hurriedly gathered the rest of my things, including my shirt I couldn’t find earlier, and he stayed quiet. Thank God. I couldn’t pretend like I wasn’t dying inside any longer. Couldn’t pretend he hadn’t broken my heart, when he had. If he knew how hard I had fallen, he would never leave me alone. Never let me move on. And I needed to move on.
The cab beeped from outside, and I turned to face him. He watched me with a weird mixture of apprehension and longing. “I don’t want to see you watching me. Just do your job, and stay out of my way.”
When I headed for the door, he stood up. “I’m sorry, Gi—” He broke off. “Carrie. I really am.”
I paused with my hand on the knob, squeezing it so tightly my knuckles hurt. “So am I.”
I opened the door and walked out of his apartment for the last time. I had no intention of ever stepping foot inside it again. I didn’t want to see him again either. Didn’t need the reminder that he had stolen my heart and then stomped it into the dirt.
If only he had buried it too.
Chapter 19
A few days later, and a hell of a lot of thinking and heartache later, I grabbed my phone, jotted off a quick text to Senator Asshole letting him know his daughter was still alive, and then grabbed my surfboard. It had been too long since I’d been out in the ocean alone. Too long, especially since it was pretty much the only place that no one bugged me or talked to me or told me to f**k off.
The past few times I’d come had been with Carrie, but those days were obviously over. Shit, we were over, and I was miserable because of it. I missed her. Missed having her in my arms. Missed the man I was with her. She made me better. Different. Whole.
But not anymore. I was destined to walk around half-filled for the rest of my miserable life. With a sigh, I juggled my board and closed the door, making sure to lock it, then headed for my bike. After sliding my surfboard into the special slot I’d had added on to the side earlier this week, I revved the engine and pulled away from the curb. The wind blew through my hair since I hadn’t grabbed my helmet, and I took a deep breath.
I hadn’t expected to miss her so damn much once she left me. It had been a relationship born out of lies and pretenses, but now I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And she probably hadn’t even thought of me once since the other day, besides to curse me out.
In all three languages she spoke.
She’d told me she could speak three languages. I also knew she let out a tiny little snore every once in a while when she slept. She gave almost all of her allowance to the poor and rarely spent any money. She liked her milkshakes creamy, not watery. I hadn’t read any of that in her file. There was so much I knew about her that her damn file didn’t know. We had surpassed the working relationship I’d meant to maintain a long time ago. But to her, that’s all I’d ever be.
The guy who was sent to spy on her by her daddy.
Ever since she told me to leave her alone, she’d spent almost every passing second with Cory. They ate together. Walked together. Studied together. They seemed to be attached at the hip, and it was driving me insane with jealousy each time I saw them. Ripping my chest open until a tiny little monster grew bigger than f**king Godzilla. A part of me was sure she was hanging with that loser just to hurt me.
But she didn’t believe me about how much I cared for her—refused to believe me. So she wouldn’t be trying to hurt me if she thought I was just talking to her for the job, which only made it worse. It meant that every time she laughed at something Cory said and hugged the jerk closer, it was real. It wasn’t some scheme to torture me.
She actually liked the little f**ker.
I parked my bike and slid off the seat. After taking off my shirt, I put on my wetsuit, my eyes on the blue water. It looked particularly impetuous today. Good. I was in the mood to get tossed around. Hard. I headed for the beach, excitement taking over for the first time since Carrie had broken it off with me. I would get out there, ride a few waves, and forget all about—
“Why are you here?” Carrie asked from somewhere behind me.
I paused midstride, my heart leaping at the sound of her voice. God, I had missed hearing that sass in her tone. That spark of something that no one else could possibly bring out in me. I forced a neutral expression to my face and turned to face her.
She wore her wetsuit, but had it down around her waist, and her unruly hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She had big bags under her eyes, as if she’d been sleeping poorly. I forced my attention to return to the ocean, and said, “I’m going to church.”
“Haha.” Out of my peripheral vision, I saw her eye my surfboard, her blue eyes cold and her lips pressed tightly together. Her small spattering of freckles danced across her nose, and her curly red hair already whipped across her forehead. She looked perfect. “Very funny, but don’t quit your day job of stalking college girls.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be funny or a joke. This is my version of church.” I felt stupid for letting her know how I really felt about surfing, but there was no going back now. I’d already opened my big fat mouth. I shrugged and tried my best to look like I didn’t give a damn what she thought about me. “When I’m out there, it’s just me, God, and the ocean. No one else can interfere with me except Mother Nature herself.”
She nibbled on her lower lip. “That’s awfully profound for a surfer boy.”
“I’m more than just a surfer boy, but you already knew that, didn’t you?”
She crossed her arms. “I’m going surfing today, so you can’t go.”
“Excuse me?” I laughed at her audacity. “I hate to break it to you, but you don’t own the ocean, Princess.”
She stiffened. “No, but you work for my family and I don’t want you out there with me, so you have to listen to me. I’m your boss.”
Okay, that stung a little bit. It would be a lie to say it hadn’t. “The hell you are. I work for your father.”
Her face turned red. “Just go away. I don’t want to be out there with you.”