Prologue
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:18 PM
Subject: (no subject)
Hey, we’re running pretty behind here. Any chance you could walk Wilbur for me tonight?
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:24 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
I think you have the wrong e-mail address. But since I’m a dog owner too, and I don’t want poor Wilbur to be stranded, I thought I’d write back and let you know…
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:33 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Ah, sorry about that. New phone, so I’m typing in the address. Looks like I forgot a number. Wilbur and I both thank you. (And by the way, he’s actually a pig.)
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:34 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
A pig! What kind of pig goes for walks?
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:36 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
The very sophisticated kind. He even has his own leash…
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:42 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Some pig!
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:45 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Oh, yeah. He’s terrific! Radiant! Humble!
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 10:47 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Wow, a pig owner and a fan of Charlotte’s Web. You must be either a farmer or a librarian.
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:01 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
I dabble in both.
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:03 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Seriously?
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:04 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
No. Not seriously. What about you?
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:05 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
I’m neither a farmer nor a librarian.
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:11 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Let me guess then. You’re an underemployed dogwalker who’s been sitting by the computer in the hope that someone might ask you to walk something more exciting than a poodle?
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:12 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Bingo. Guess this is my lucky day…
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:13 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Really, though. What’s your deal?
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:14 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
… asks the random stranger from the Internet.
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:15 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
… says the girl who’s still writing back.
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:17 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
How do you know I’m a girl?
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:18 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Easy. You quoted Charlotte’s Web.
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:19 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
So did you!
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:24 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Yeah, but my parents are teachers.
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:26 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
So does that mean you’re not a girl?
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:27 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Nope. Not a girl.
From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 7, 2013 11:31 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Does that mean you’re a creepy old Internet predator using your pet pig as an excuse to stalk 16-year-old girls?
From: [email protected]