“That’s not possible, Judd.”
“What the hell do you mean, it’s not possible?” he demanded.
Honor took a deep breath and then said what had to be said, “Judd, I’m grateful to you for ending the crisis. But I can never forget that when the chips were down you didn’t really trust me. That night we spent together was not the turning point for you that it was for me. I gave you everything I had to give that night and the next morning you just went ahead with business as usual.” She moved one hand in a flat gesture of finality. “Whatever I was beginning to feel for you. down in Mexico died the morning after we made love. You killed it when you made it plain that the night we had together meant nothing to you in terms of trust or love or anything else that’s important.”
“For God’s sake, Honor! I saved your life! I rescued you! How the hell can you stand there and tell me you feel nothing for me now?”
“I didn’t say I felt nothing. I said I was grateful, remember?” she reminded him harshly. “But that’s all I feel. I’m damn grateful Garrison was dumb enough to give himself away on the phone and I’m grateful you had enough in the way of scruples to bother checking out my story. But I’m not going to sleep with you out of gratitude! The man I choose to sleep with will be someone who loves and trusts me completely. A man who would go to the wall for me just because he cared. He wouldn’t wait to work out the [_logic _]of the situation before he decided which side to take. He’d be of my side come hell or high water, regardless of the damned logic of the thing!” She was aware that her voice was rising and her hands were clenching into fists. Deliberately Honor took deep breaths, striving to regain her control. She had lost her self-control far too many times with this man. It was time she took a leaf out of his book!
“Honor, I made it clear I would protect you right from the start!” Judd raked a hand through his hair, dark eyes gleaming with frustrated anger. “What more did you want from me?”
“Trust. I wanted you to be one hundred percent on my side, no questions asked. I wanted you to have absolutely no doubts about me.”
“Just because we’d been to bed together?” he demanded incredulously.
“Because I thought we’d made love together,” she corrected savagely. “But I was wrong, wasn’t 1? Nothing changed for you that night. You woke up the next morning still the same cold, unemotional robot you were before you went to bed with me. Well, you got your proof and you did your duty by rescuing me. But don’t expect anything more than gratitude from me, Judd Raven. Because I haven’t anything more to give a cold-blooded mercenary who trusts his damned airplane more than he does me!”
She walked into the bathroom and shut the door far too quietly behind her.
Chapter 7
The apartment in Phoenix had never looked more inviting. Honor turned the key in the lock, knowing a vast sense of relief at being home. There had been too many lonely nights of wondering if she would ever be able to return. Her rakish little Audi was still parked sedately in the drive where she had left it that morning so long ago. Honor wondered if the battery still functioned.
The inside of the spacious one-bedroom apartment was exactly as she had left it, except, she noted wryly, all her plants had died. No, the little collection of exotic cacti in the corner of the window appeared to have survived. She walked across the white carpet [_to _]examine the array of thorny plants.
Other man the dead house plants, everything looked fine, in fact It was hard to believe that nothing in her home had changed, when she herself had been through so much. The sophisticated yet softly romantic decor looked as it always had. The meandering peach velvet sofa, which formed an S shape in front of me white fireplace, didn’t even look dusty. The gilt antique desk in front of the garden window was still piled high with the books and papers she had left on it. There was even a delicate bone china coffee cup left on the round oak dining table.
She was home.
With a sigh of relief Honor carted her small suitcase into the bedroom, slinging it onto the round, flounced bed. She was home, but for a while there in Tucson she hadn’t been at all sure she was going to be able to make the last leg of her journey. The raven who had hunted her down in Mexico didn’t appear inclined to relinquish its prey.
There was nothing Judd could actually have done to stop her from going home, Honor told herself briskly as she unpacked, but all the same she had known more than a shade of uncertainty when she ‘d faced the implacable expression in those night-dark eyes.
Still, by refusing to succumb to the uneasy fear he generated in her, she had made it out of the motel room that morning and into a cab. From there she had gone to the airport and hopped one of the short flights to Phoenix. Honor hadn’t dared to glance back as the cab pulled away from the motel, but she had sensed Judd watching her from the window.
There had been no mistaking his mood, either, she reminded herself grimly. Every line of his lean, hard body had been almost vibrating with the effort of will he was exerting to hold himself in check. Honor had been unable to escape from the dangerous confines of the motel room quickly enough as far as she was concerned. At any moment she had feared Judd would simply stop fighting his instincts, reach out and grab her. She still wasn’t certain how he had managed to control himself. Maybe it was simply that he’d spent so many emotionless, self-controlled years already that he wasn’t sure how to let go, even in anger and frustration.
Whatever it was that had held him in check during those tense moments while she changed into her jeans, called a cab and fled the room, Honor decided she was safe now. [_Judd _]might [_have _]decided he wanted her, [_but _]she was sure he would recover from the fleeting emotion as soon as she was out of the picture.
He could damn well go back to his airplane for all she cared!
Judd Raven seemed [_to _]have the emotional responses of a wild creature, a lone hunter who had spent far too much time by himself. He could be provoked [_to last _]or to violence but he didn’t waste emotional energy on more refined feelings like trust and love.
Honor dashed a hand across her eyes as she piled her clothes into the washing machine. Now why in hell was she crying? It was because her own emotional reactions weren’t nearly as limited as Judd Raven’s, she assured herself. She had been through a trying ordeal and it was natural for her body to work off some of the stress. She was willing to bet Judd had never cried a tear in his life!