I groan in disapproval. “I told Jax not to listen to that when he was in the car.”
His lips quirk. “It’s kind of funny.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who’s going to get calls from the school when he drops the f-bomb.”
Tristan laughs, but the hilarity vanishes when his gaze reunites with mine. “You asked me what I think now, right?” When I nod, a slow breath falters from his lips. Then, with a slow inhale, his expression shifts, and suddenly, he’s backing me up against the wall just to the side of the screen door. “Are you sure? Because I need you to be sure before I answer you.” He places a hand on each side of my head, trapping me between his arms, almost in desperation.
The intensity pouring off of him makes it difficult to breathe and even harder to look away from him. “Y-yeah, I’m sure,” I stammer. I never, ever stammer, so I’m not sure what to make of it. As doubt etches his face, I try again. “Yes, please tell me what you think about all this because I really, really need to know.”
He nods, marginally bending his elbows to move closer, and I nervously nibble some more on the candy necklace. “When I got home today,” he begins, “I ran, which I’ve been doing a lot for the last four months, pretty much since the last time I did drugs. Usually, I run because I’m outrunning my addiction, but today, I was trying to outrun something else.” Carrying my gaze, he pauses, and I think I understand what he means—me. “But instead of outrunning it, I ended up wanting it more, so I stopped running, and now I’m here with you.”
“Is it because of what happened last night with Conner?” I have to ask, needing to fully understand his reason before we walk through that door. “Because I’m okay. I have Jax, so I’m not in this alone. I wouldn’t think any less of you if you bailed out. My life is intense, and I’m sure you don’t need that.”
“You think I’m here because I feel guilty your ex-husband’s a fucking douche?” he asks, confounded.
“I don’t know what to think. I’ve never done this before…” I motion between the two of us. “Whatever this is.”
“Well, I don’t feel guilty. At all. I’m just worried that…” He trails off, deliberating. “Well, are you sure you want me around? Considering… my past.”
“You mean your past that’s like mine?” I point out. “Because that would be very hypocritical of me.”
“Mine’s not exactly like yours,” he stresses. “I’ve done a lot of stuff I’m not proud of, that you don’t even know about yet. But I want to tell you… when you’re… I’m… if we’re ever ready.”
My fingers drift over the fabric of my dress, right over my stomach and the scars. “Doesn’t everyone have a tainted past in a way?” When he frowns, I shake my head. “Look, I’ll admit it. I was purposefully keeping my family from you and everyone else because I don’t want them getting wrecked, either. I made a promise a long time ago that it would never happen, that I wouldn’t let anyone into my life I didn’t trust.”
“But you’re letting me in now?”
“Yeah… I guess I trust you.” I shrug, gazing off over his shoulder, my nerves bubbling. “I think it was the kiss last night. It earned you like a hundred brownie points.” When I look at him, he’s full on grinning. “Don’t get all smug. It wasn’t just the kiss; it was also what you did for me when you kissed me… how safe you made me feel.”
His smile fades. “I did what anyone would.”
“No, you didn’t. Trust me; I have a lot of memories that prove people would rather let someone get hurt than intervene.”
Pity floods his eyes. “Avery—”
“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me,” I talk over him. “I just want you to understand that you being here is a big deal and means that I think you’re a good person.”
He stares deeply into my eyes then nods, indecision clearly evident in his features. “One day, I hope you’ll tell me all your secrets, though.”
I like the idea in theory, although in the end, I know it’ll never happen. Not only because I can’t even fathom telling him all the shitty stuff that happened to me and about my sins, but because in less than a month, he’ll be leaving.
He’ll be gone.
And I’ll be alone.
Behind my walls.
Wrecked again.
“Now, enough sad talk.” I shift to cheerful Avery because I need to be her right now, or I’m going to fall apart. “It’s my birthday, and I want to have fun.”
A mischievous grin spreads across his face. “I have a few ideas to make that happen.” He dips his head and seals his lips to mine to bite on the candy necklace I’ve been chewing on.
My pulse accelerates as I mentally conjure up my own birthday happiness ideas. “Thief,” I say breathlessly as he chomps on a piece of candy.
His breath dances across my cheeks as he pushes back from the wall. “Are you ready to take me inside now?”
I lower the necklace back around my neck. “If you’re ready to go in.”
“I am,” he says as my fingers close around the metal door handle. “But I have to warn you that I haven’t spent a lot of time with kids before, so I have no clue what I’m doing.”
“You don’t have to spend time with him.” The screen door creaks as I open it. I’m unsure what to say or do. I mean, I’m letting him into my house for God’s sakes. Into my home where my son and I have lived and been protected from the outside world, and I’m both terrified and excited.
“No, I want to.” He follows me inside. And just like that, he’s in my home. “He’s a huge part of your life, right?”
“That he is,” I say quietly as I watch Mason bounce around the kitchen, singing the inappropriate song and dancing around the table, putting on a show for Nova and Quinton. “If you really want to impress him, you can play soccer with him. Jax and I have zero sports ability, so we’re useless.”
“I’m not too great either, but I can do my best,” he admits while looking at the collection of photos on my walls. Most are of Mason, but some I’m in, and Jax, too. A map of my new life, out in the open, for Tristan to see. I feel so vulnerable, like I’m standing in front of him, naked and bearing my scars.