“I know… but I don’t want to be the worse for you.”
He sighs as he discards the wrapper into the trash. “You’ll never be the worst part of my life, Avery. And you need to stop thinking that.”
“I can’t help it. I worry all the time.”
“I know you do. You need to stop and start having some fun and enjoy the life you have.”
“I do have fun,” I protest as I put the milk away. “And I enjoy my life all the time.”
“When do you ever have fun?” he asks condescendingly.
“Um, how about a week ago when I went to the concert?” I reply lamely as I bump the fridge door shut with my hip.
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you looked like you had fun when you came home. You were so tired and you’d been crying.”
I gape at him. “You could tell I’d been crying?”
He bites the top of the cheese off. “I’m not blind. Of course I could tell.”
“I know you’re not blind, but…” I shake my head as I pick up the glass of milk. “I’ll do better from now on, I promise. No more crying.”
“That sounds nice in theory, but I don’t want you to do better for us,” he tells me. “I want you to do better for you. I worry about you. Not just with the crying and lack of sleep, but because you always seem lonely.”
“Well, I’m not lonely.”
“You seem like you are. And the last time you seemed that way you… Well, you know…” He trails off, but I know what he’s going to say.
You became an alcoholic.
“I’m fine. I promise.” I rotate the cup in my hand, thinking. “Besides, the nightmare wasn’t really a nightmare, at least not my normal one. This one was just because… I was thinking too hard about something.”
“About what?”
I shrug then swallow a gulp of milk. “Just some person I met at Habitat for Humanity who I’m worried about.”
His brows shoot up in surprise. “A guy?”
“What? No.” I clear my throat. “Well, okay. Yeah.”
“I thought you didn’t do guys.”
“I don’t.”
“You sure about that?” He studies me meticulously from the other side of the kitchen island, then his teasing brother demeanor arises. “Because I wouldn’t judge you if you did. It’s been a long time, and you have to be super hor—”
“Do not finish that sentence.” I stride across the kitchen and shove him toward the hallway. “Now go to bed. It’s late.”
He grins but does what he’s told and heads for his bedroom. “Yes, Mother.”
Moments later, I’m alone in the kitchen. I check the back door to make sure it’s locked then finish off my milk and climb back into bed, my thoughts instantly drifting to Tristan again. Things would be so much easier if I just had his number so I could text him and…
And what?
What would be the point of texting him?
There wouldn’t be one unless it was to break my rule for the third time with him.
God, things are getting so complicated. I can’t help thinking how much simpler it would be if I had a few drinks in me. Tough situations were always easier when I was intoxicated. Of course, the simplicity was all an illusion that ended in flames.
As the alcoholic side of my brain momentarily takes over, an epiphany slaps me across the face.
Hard.
Three months.
Tristan has been clean for only three months.
And now he’s disappeared.
And Nova is mad at me.
I know firsthand how temperamental recovering addicts can be. Whether it has anything to do with how hurt he looked when he walked away or not, I decide that I need to check up on him and make sure he’s okay. No rule breaking, just doing what’s right. If only I could convince myself that was the only reason.
But there’s more to it than that.
Way too much more.
More than I fully understand.
Chapter 16
The irrevocable decision.
Avery
The next morning when I show up at the Habitat for Humanity home, I embark on a mission that is driven by determination and an unseen force and immediately seek out Nova. I find her out back, drinking a bottle of water and standing in the shade from the partial walls that are now up on the house. She’s gazing out at the dry field behind the property, looking about as upset as she has been for the last three days.
“Hey,” I say as I approach her, drawing my sunglasses off my eyes and dabbing my sweaty eyeliner with my fingertips.
She glances at me then formally smiles. “Oh hey, Avery. How’s it going?”
“Good.” I join her in the shade and recline against one of the boards. A gap of silence goes by while I try to figure out the best way to word what I need to ask. “So… Is everything okay?”
She nods, twisting the lid back on the bottle. “Yeah, I was just taking a little break from the heat. Where I come from, it probably peaks to about sixty in September. This heat is insane”
“Yeah, it gets really hot here.” I pause, itching at my arm as I stare at the ground. “I was actually wondering if everything was all right with… with Tristan.”
“Yeah… he’s just taking a little break from working.” Her voice is tense.
I glance over at her. “Doing what?”
She shrugs, staring at the dry, crisp field again. “I don’t know.”
I don’t want to cross a line, but I need to know. “Is he okay? I mean with… stuff.”
Her gaze confronts me. “What kind of stuff are you talking about exactly?”
I shrug. “Recovery stuff.”
She clutches the bottle and her expression is anything but friendly. I don’t know how to respond to it because she always seems super nice.
“What happened between you two Tuesday night?” she asks.
“Tristan didn’t tell you?”
“No. He doesn’t tell me a lot of things—he doesn’t tell a lot of people things.”
I fiddle with a loop on my denim shorts. I’m usually not one for chatting about my personal life but I have a feeling Nova isn’t going to give up the information unless I divulge. “We kissed, but I stopped things before they... got too far.”
“Aw, shit,” Nova sighs in dismay. Then she tips her head back and chugs the rest of the water. “I knew something went wrong and that’s why…” She wipes a few drops of water from her lips, crunches the bottle with her hand, then hurries over to a trashcan near the corner of the property.