“He was helping us break you,” she says. “He knew about your past. About your mental disorder. About everything from the moment he accidentally ran into you outside his AA meeting. He was actually waiting to run into you. Thought he could use it as a good excuse to get to know you more, to study you and see just how far you would go... It was never a coincidence that you ran into him.”
I think about the stuff I read in River’s notes and coldness seeps into my bones. “Is that true?” I ask River, swinging the gun in his direction. “Did you purposefully meet me because you… you knew about my past and my… Lily…” I don’t even know what to call her anymore and Lily smiles at me, like she understands.
He doesn’t answer right away, raking his fingers through his hair. “Maddie, I never meant to hurt you.” His voice is uneven as he keeps eyeing the gun. “At first yes, I got close to you because I wanted to study you… and I knew about your past… But I never killed anyone or helped them poison you… that was all them.” He blows out a breath of frustration. “I’ve decided to do my thesis on something else. I care about you too much to do that to you.”
“Do your thesis on something else?” I gape at him incredulously. “You made me think I was a killer!”
“I promise that wasn’t me!” He shouts. A promise with fear and begging in his eyes. He moves for me in desperation and I shake my head, inching the gun closer to him. The barrel ends up coming into contact with his chest, but he still doesn’t step back, despite how terrified he is.
“Please listen to me,” he begs. “I caught Bella slipping drugs in your drink and threatened her—that’s why she disappeared. Or at least I thought she did. It’s been her, Maddie, this whole time. She’s been trying to make you go crazy, drugging you and killing people then setting you up.”
“Nice try,” Bella says, shaking her head. “But don’t try to put this all on me now that we’re all here together.”
River glares at her. “Stop lying to her.” His voice cracks and I can tell he’s scared. Terrified. And it makes me wonder how he could possibly kill someone. It just doesn’t feel right. Him doing those things—he doesn’t have it in him.
Me on the other hand, I’m not so sure.
“I’m not the one who’s lying.” Bella looks over at Lily and Lily gives her a look of encouragement, which makes me wonder who’s really running the show. “And if Maddie really thought about it, she’d know. And she’d kill you, River. Get her revenge, just like I plan on doing.”
I’m starting to get flustered, my heart soaring in my chest like it did back when I lay in the street, dying. I’m just as confused as I was then, even more. A maze of lies right in front of me and I’m just supposed to what? Figure it out in a second? Lily, come out. I need your help.
Nothing.
Please Lily, I need you.
Only silence. And I look to the real Lily who’s sitting on the armrest of the chair watching the scene unfold in delight. Then she gives me this look and for a faltering second, I swear she looks just like me.
“Maybe I’ll just kill you both,” I sputter out, backing up until my back hits the wall. I’m taking ragged breaths, my mind racing a million miles a minute, and I can barely think straight. “Then I won’t have to figure this out.”
“Maddie, just calm down,” River says unsteadily, hands surrendered in front of him. “Everything’s going to be okay. Just take a step back and really think about this.”
Pitter-patter… pitter-patter… I can see the flames. The smoke. And the man in the center of it all. I point the gun at him, ready to shoot him, ready to make him pay, but I hesitate, too afraid. I’m always too afraid. Lily steps in, takes the gun from my hand.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” she says, then she aims the gun at the man and pulls the trigger.
“Don’t kid yourself Maddie. You’re nothing but a whore!”
You’re a whore!
You’re a whore!
You’re a whore!
The lies. The games. I’m tired of them. My father wants me to hurt people, mess with my head, tells me I’m always wrong when I fight him. Then I’m punished and I’m split in half, not quite whole anymore. Lily though, she never lets him down. Does what she’s supposed to and it hollows her out.
I flinch from my memory, my finger starting to push down on the trigger, ready to shoot, when a man appears beside Lily, the same one I saw behind Sydney, who broke into my house, who’s been standing in the street. If I thought things couldn’t get worse, I was wrong. It’s as if the veil has been lifted off my mind and suddenly I recognize him. He’s the man in the photo I burnt, the man in the cabin.
My eyes widen as I turn and point the gun at him. “Dad?”
Chapter 36
Maddie
“He’s not real,” Lily says to me from across the room. “Just your imagination.”
“Then how do you know what I’m seeing?” I ask in horror, my wobbly legs about to give out on me. Deep down, I know he can’t possibly real, but he looks so real and feels so real and he’s making me feel so unstable like he used to.
“Because I understand you,” Lily says simply. “And how remembering back—remembering what he did and used to call you—brings him back.”
River and Bella are staring at me like I’m the one that’s the crazy person in the room. But my father smiles, then reaches for Lily’s throat and she seems completely oblivious to it.
I rush forward, the gun targeted steadily at my father. “Get away from her,” I demand, unsure why I’m protecting her.
“Maddie, stop,” Lily says calmly. “Put the gun down. It’s just another one of your hallucinations, probably because Bella called you a whore—it’s kind of a trigger for you.”
“I know but…” I shake my head, my hand shaking so bad and my teeth chattering. “No he’s there... I can see him… feel him in my skin.”
Lily tracks my gaze to the side of her then looks back at me. “Maddie, there’s no one there.”
You’re a whore!
“Do you remember?” My father asks, strolling in front of Lily and blocking her from my view. He’s shorter than I remember but then again I’m older and taller, still when he closes in on me, I feel small. “What I did to you?”