She laughs, shaking her head. “You actually think he finally decided after all that studying of people or whatever the hell he does,” she says. “That he actually wanted to be part of society and enter the real world?”
“He studies sociology,” I correct her, grabbing my drink and moving for the doorway that leads to the stairway. “Which is the study of human social behavior.”
“Wow, brainiac,” she teases me then turns around as the bald guy strolls up to the counter, asking for a lap dance, laying down a twenty on the countertop. Bella obliges without her cheery mood deflating. She’s good at that. Either not caring or concealing her emotions—I can’t tell for certain which one it is. I flinch a lot and cry about what I do later in the bathroom, that is when I’m Maddie. Lily owns it.
Turning away from them, I climb up the stairway to the office to see what River’s doing, even though I shouldn’t. Lily always tells me to stay away from him, that he sees too much in people, and if he looks hard enough, he’ll probably see her. She doesn’t like him at all, which is part of the reason why I think I haven’t had sex with him. But I can’t help but go see him. I’m drawn to him like all the sweaty, beer-gutted men that show up here every night, drawn to half-dressed women they can’t touch and booze.
When I get to the top of the stairs, the door is wide open. River is sitting behind the desk his head tipped down as he sorts through the papers. He’s the mere opposite of a Ken doll, but in a good way. I find his floppy brown hair, tattoos, and his hipster style, appealing enough that I keep coming back for more. Honestly, I can’t really explain what my attraction is to him. It’s not usually like me to continue to hook up with the same guy for a month straight. I usually have one-nighters, even though I feel guilty about it—Lily loves them—because I know there’s no way I can have a relationship with someone, without them eventually stumbling across the madness inside me.
“Knock, knock, knock,” I say as I rap my hand on the doorframe, entering the small, very disorganized room that is supposed to be an office but looks more like a storage room. The window to my right gives an open view of the entire bar and stage area where there’s a shiny pole waiting to be danced around.
River quickly glances up, startled by my appearance. “Fuck, you scared the shit out of me.” He’s wearing a pair of square framed glasses and takes them off to rub his blue eyes. “You have a knack for that. You know that?”
“Sorry,” I apologize, wandering into his office that has crooked pictures hanging on the walls, stacks of papers on the desks and overflowing filing cabinets, and the empty energy drink cans and candy wrappers falling out of the overly full garbage can. “So I thought you guys were going to hire a maid?” I plaster on a playful smile because that’s who I have to be around River—playful and flirty. Fun, fake Maddie. “You know, one of those naughty one’s that flashes her ass while she cleans it then gives you a happy ending.”
He looks around the room with his forehead furrowed, like he’s just noticed the mess. “Oh yeah. I think Glen is working on it or something.” He blinks then focuses on me, his gaze slowly drinking me in. “I mean, not the naughty maid part. Just a normal maid.”
“Sure, if you say so.” I press back a smile. “You know Glen is never going to higher anyone right?” I ask, plopping down in the chair in front of the desk and setting my drink on the desk. I cross my legs and tap my fingers on my knee. “He’s been saying forever that he’s going to higher someone to fix the handle on the freezer door, yet it’s been broken longer than I’ve worked here.”
“I’ll talk to him,” River says. “I think he’s just got a lot of other important stuff he’s been trying to take care of.”
“You know Bella almost got locked in there, right? She was in there for like an hour or something before anyone heard her. The thing is sound proof. Seriously, she could have died and no one would have known.” And the cold air would have preserved her body. We would have never smelled the death in the air, breathing it in unknowingly. Vile burns at the back of my throat. God, I wish I could stop.
“Bella’s over dramatic,” he says, relaxing back in the chair. “Almost means she walked in, the door shut, and then she actually had to open it to walk out.”
“Wow, hater,” I tell him, biting my lip as Lily gets aggravated by the fact that I’m flirting with him—she always does. In fact, she always tunes out whenever River and I are fooling around, which means that anything I do in those moments is clearly under the will of my own—no excuses. Which makes Maddie kind of slutty and more and more like Lily everyday. “And here I thought you were all about the love.”
“No you didn’t.” He says amusedly as he leans forward and crosses his arms on his desk. “You’re too smart to think I’m that nice.”
“Everyone else does,” I tell him, relieved to be up here playfully bantering with him for the moment and getting a break from the voices and ghosts that haunt me. “It might have to do with the fact that you blush when I say ‘naughty maid.’”
“I don’t blush.” He rolls his eyes and gives me a look like I’m the most absurd person in the world. “And I really don’t believe that you think I’m nice,” he says. “And if everyone else does, then everyone else is stupid in my opinion, at least around here.”
“Maybe I’m really stupid too.” I say lightly. “You know, you don’t even know me. And for all you know, all our conversations have been centered around me memorizing facts on the internet right before we meet up.”
“You think you’re more mysterious than you are, Maddie, because I do know you,” he says, watching my reaction closely, like he does whenever he’s associating with anyone. “Your a girl who has a very twisted sense of humor. That is hard to faze. That has a lot of secrets. That doesn’t seem to mind giving guys personal dances when a lot of the girls get emotional and complain about it later. That dresses like a different character almost every single day.” He relaxes back in his chair again as Lily squirms inside me and starts clawing her way under my skin. He sees too much. You need to shut him up. “Tell me, who are you today?”
I glance down at my outfit. “I think I was going for badass biker chick.” I elevate my gaze back up at him and force my tone to be upbeat. “Using those stellar sociology skills, are you?”