Instead Max glared at both of us. “Who’s this?”
“Evan.” Wisely, he didn’t offer to shake. “Who’s backing out of whatever this is. I’ll talk to you later, Courtney.” Wheeling, he jogged down the stairs and shoved through the front doors, likely calling bullshit on my promise not to start trouble.
I brushed past Max into the apartment. The living room was dark apart from the flicker of the TV screen and if our roommates were home, they must have been in their rooms. Before I could retreat, he grabbed my hand and spun me around. I tugged but he held firm, not tight enough to hurt, but definitely communicating the fact that I wasn’t going anywhere. He led me over to the couch and sat down, drawing me with him.
“Really? That guy?”
“What are you even talking about?” I pulled my hand back because it was hard to think with his hard, rough fingers wrapped around mine.
“Evan.” Max hit out the name like it was poison. “Christ, Courtney. Is it encoded in your DNA that you can only fall for guys whose names start with E?”
“Do you know how crazy you sound? I’m not in love with him.”
But he didn’t seem to be listening, gaze fixed on his fists balled up on his thighs. “I can’t believe this is happening. The minute I get close to somebody, they back off. Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?”
I sighed, softening at his hurt bewilderment. It wasn’t Max’s fault that the trip had left me feeling things we had no room for between us. And while I needed some time and space to get my head right, he had no clue why things had changed. I covered his hands with mine.
“Hey. Look at me.” When he raised his chin, the sheer intensity of his dark eyes stole my breath, like my face was all he could see. “I’m not mad. And you’re awesome, like always.”
“Then how come you’re never around? Don’t lie to me, Courtney. I know something’s changed, and I can’t handle it. This is exactly how Lauren treated me when—”
“Do not compare me to her.” The words came out sharper than I meant them to, because he’d spent months moping over her, wishing she’d notice him, wishing she’d take him seriously. When I was right here. “Our situation’s completely different.”
“Feels about the same,” he muttered.
I froze, my heart thundering in my ears. He can’t mean that the way it sounds. He can’t.
“What?” I croaked.
Max dropped his gaze and I let go of his hands, shivering. It was hard to get my breath for the tension between us. Or maybe I was the only one caught in the net, tightening until I felt my heart beating in my lips. He didn’t speak for a moment.
“I know I’m not Eli, I never will be. But why can’t it be me...?”
I wet my lips. “Max—”
“No, let me get this out before you say anything. I may never have the courage again.”
“Have you been drinking?”
“A little.” He gestured vaguely at the twin beer cans on the end table nearby. “With Lauren, I thought everything would click and I’d be happy if I could make her mine.”
“Do you seriously think I want to hear this?” Again.
“Bear with me.” His voice was husky, unsteady with strong emotions I couldn’t even guess at.
I was afraid of where he might be going with this, terrified to hope. My hands trembled in my lap, so I squeezed them until my nails bit into my palms. “Okay.”
“With you, Courtney, it’s enough for you to be happy. Like, it doesn’t even matter how I feel or what I want. You know?” My expression must’ve told him I didn’t get it, so he went on with a frustrated sigh. “It’s why I tried to set you up, but when you were out with Jared last night and you didn’t text, didn’t call, I felt like crawling out of my skin.”
“Really?” I whispered.
Impossible.
“All last night, I figured maybe you’re hooking up. Maybe you’re falling for Jared and he won’t want us hanging out anymore. Then you show up tonight with that asshole and you’re smiling. I don’t want another guy to put that look on your face.”
“I can’t promise never to laugh anyone else’s jokes.”
“Not what I mean and you know it. Just now, you were...happy. And I’m asking, why can’t I be the one who makes you feel that way? I don’t want to find somebody else for you. I want it to be me.”
He leaned forward so slowly that I could have ducked away, no problem, but I held still, barely breathing. Max brushed my hair away from my face, stroking his fingers through so gently that tingles ran down my spine. My eyes drifted half-closed. In my head, it was all throbbing drums and Spanish guitar, my ears rushing with need. I wanted his mouth on mine so bad. Not like we did the other two times—for fun or from loneliness—but our first real kiss.
The one that would change everything.
“Be really clear here. Please.”
“I want to touch you.” Deliberately, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingertips skating lightly across the shell. “I want to date you.” He kissed the tip of my nose with a tenderness other people might question.
But I recognized it. Max had shown me his hidden sweetness in countless ways, and now it was deliciously familiar. I just never expected him to focus it on me.
“What about Lauren?” Maybe I had too much pride, but there was no way I could sign on as a substitute.
He shrugged. “I wish her well. But she’s not who I think about all the time.”
“I am?”
“Are you trying to kill me with questions?” he demanded. “Give me an answer already. Wait, no, don’t. Maybe you should think about it. Sleep on it. It’s a huge step, but—”
“Yes.”
“Yes, it’s a huge step?”
I tilted my head, nestling my cheek in his palm. “Let’s see what it’s like to be...more.”
“Does that mean I can kiss you?” he asked softly.
“You’d better.” That was pure bravado.
As he closed the distance between us, I feared my heart might fracture my rib cage. He wrapped his arms around me and tilted his head, his face so close I couldn’t focus on his features, so I shut my eyes. Like that was his cue, he kissed me. This time, it felt different, less hey, he’s good at this, and more Oh, my God, Max is kissing me like he means it. Another beat, and I couldn’t think at all.