Before he could respond, I went on, gathering steam. “And dammit, Rob, you need to get it right out of your fucking head that you have to do anything to be with me. It’s not a contest. I’m not ranking your performance. This will never, ever work if you don’t accept the fact that you’re enough for me, exactly as you are. In fact, right now, you’re kind of being an ass, and the best part is finding out you’re not this endlessly patient, perfect person, because I am so incredibly screwed up, yet you still seem to see something good in me.”
“You are all the good,” he said softly.
Hot tears trickled down my cheeks, alerting me to the fact that I’d lost control, but it didn’t shut me up. I didn’t even wipe them away. “And okay, this is how crazy I am. Deep down, this mess makes me happy because it means you trust me enough to show how you feel, because I know damn well you never let people know they’ve hurt you. So by fighting with me, you just inducted me into a VIP club with a membership of me.”
With rough hands, he tipped up my chin and kissed away my tears. Then he wrapped his arms around me. Another girl might’ve protested the dirt and sweat, but it was so good to be close to him. I settled in, winding my arms around his waist and listened to his heart for a few moments in silence, wondering if he thought I was completely nuts.
“You scare me to death,” he whispered.
“Why?”
“Because of how you’ve cracked me open, how well you see me.”
“It’s mutual, you know. I’ve never fought with anybody before. Not like this.”
“Nadia?”
“It’s not the same. When we hurt each other, we don’t fight. We stop talking, and when we’re tired of it, one of us offers sweets as an apology and then we skate past it.”
He kissed the tip of my nose. “I never felt sorry for my sister before.”
“Huh?”
“She’s missing out on you.”
“Are we okay?” My knees literally felt shaky. I had no idea how people withstood tumultuous relationships full of moments like this.
“Yeah. Congrats on the car. I’m sure you did a great job finding a reliable one. You’re right, I was kind of being an ass about it. Like you need me to help you do that.”
“Need and want, remember, Rob? We had this talk. It’s not weakness to let an expert offer guidance. I should’ve realized that.”
“Expert might be the wrong word.”
“Quiet, you.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Still holding me, he eased back enough to gaze into my face. His eyes were like twilight, dark and full of shadows. “What you said about just wanting to be with me...I’ll work on that. I can’t promise to change my head overnight, but...I’ve always had to earn everything. So it’s hard not to look at you and see this amazing girl I have to bust my ass for.”
“It’s just the opposite. In fact, why don’t you go take a shower, and I’ll make dinner. I’ve been dying to get in your sexy new kitchen.”
“So it’s my appliances you’re after?”
“Definitely.”
Teasingly, I smacked him on the ass as he walked away, and he shot me a look so smoky that I almost followed him up the stairs. Down, girl. You promised. I was a better baker than cook, but during my mom’s breakdown, I’d learned by necessity to fix a few things. Rummaging in his pantry and fridge convinced me that chicken and rice would be easiest, if not the fastest dish. I thawed the chicken in the microwave, then layered it with rice, mushroom soup, water and cheese. He also had the makings for salad, so I threw that together.
I was on the couch when Rob came back down. “Where’s my food, woman?”
“In the oven. Can you last another forty-five minutes? If not, we can have salad now.”
“No, I’ll be fine. But you’re really far away.”
Smiling, I moved down the couch and snuggled against his side. I hadn’t been here since he finished the living room, so we’d never done this before. Cuddling in bed inevitably led to sex, so there was a quiet beauty to these moments: his arm around my shoulder, Rob flicking through channels on the remote. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but it seemed like there was a new layer of intimacy and understanding between us.
“Keep next Saturday free, by the way. We’re going to an engagement party.”
He grinned. “You’d tell me if it was ours, right? Unlike the car.”
“Don’t even joke.”
“Who, then?”
“My mom and Stuart. She didn’t confirm it, but I can’t imagine any other reason they’d be throwing a fancy party at the Grove.”
“Good guess,” he agreed. “Are you okay with it? With your dad and everything—”
After thinking for a few, I nodded. “I like Stuart—he makes my mom happy. And it’s not like I’m a kid who’ll be stuck with him trying to parent me.”
He seemed to accept that. “So I’ll need a suit?”
“Probably. I can’t wait. I might wear that red dress you remember so fondly.” Provided I could still wriggle into it. Drinking wasn’t a sport that left you fit and trim.
“Evil.”
We watched half an hour of TV before the timer went off and I went to check on dinner. I opened the oven, pleased to find everything had come together in the simple, one-dish meal I remembered. While Rob relaxed, I set the table. In the back of my head, it seemed like we were playing house, though why I didn’t feel that way when he cooked for me, I had no clue.
“It’s ready.”
After dinner, we snuggled on the couch for a couple of hours. I could tell he was too tired for sex, and oddly, that was okay by me. In fact, I had the urge to take care of him. When he rolled his shoulders and winced, I tested his muscles with a questing hand.
He groaned. “I’ll be fine in a few days.”
“I can make it better tonight.” Without waiting for him to move, I crawled behind him and perched on the arm of the couch. At first it was like massaging a block of wood, but as I worked out the knots, he relaxed into my hands. I did his neck, back and shoulders, kneading until my hands hurt. Worth it to see his face look like this.
“I now believe in Santa Claus,” Rob murmured.
“Why’s that?” I kissed the top of his head with a tenderness that scared me.
“Because I’ve been asking him for you for years, and you’re finally here.”