At work, I was so sluggish, Sam noticed. I was sitting in one of the tiny chairs, watching the kids color, when he turned to me. “You look sad, Nadia.”
“Just tired.”
“You were tired before,” he noted. “Dad is, too. It makes him grumpy.”
Hearing Sam’s impression of Ty put a smile on my face. “Being a grown-up is hard. I’m not very good at it yet, I suspect.”
“Then stop,” he advised.
It was a compelling suggestion, but I didn’t think my parents or my academic adviser would be amused to find me hiding in a ball pit while screaming the Toys R Us theme song. But it seemed like a good idea to warn Mrs. Trent that I might be less than stellar this week.
“Midterms,” she guessed.
“Yeah. So if I seem like I’ve taken up recreational drugs, I promise it’s just exhaustion, so don’t make me pee in a cup.”
“Noted.”
She went easy on me the rest of the day, and on Tuesday morning, she found jobs that required me to sit and watch the kids a lot. Not that I was complaining. I resolved to work extra hard for her once I got over this hurdle. Instead of going to Chuck E. Cheese’s, I took my Tuesday exams and then fell asleep hugging my tablet, trying to cram even more for Wednesday morning. The final was tough enough that it made my practicum feel like a welcome break; at least there was no test.
At work, I responded to Ty’s texts, though they were sporadic and low-key, stuff like, Thinking of you and Is it Friday yet? That night when I got home, Lauren had dinner ready, plus her famous oatmeal cookies. I took the gesture as an apology.
“Are we good?” she asked.
“Yeah. I think this is the longest we’ve ever not been. Is your mom sick?” It was the only thing I could think of.
She shook her head. “No, it’s... I just did a stupid thing, that’s all.”
“What?”
“Max.”
For a minute, I wasn’t sure I heard right. “Huh?”
“I wasn’t in our room that night because I was in Max’s.” But from her expression, that wasn’t good.
“Don’t tell me he’s terrible.”
“No, the sex was fine.”
Suddenly, I thought I understood the problem. “And now you’ve hooked up with someone we live with, and it’s kind of weird.”
“Yep. I can’t look at him now, and he leaves the room pretty much as soon as I walk in. I don’t know what we were thinking.”
Oh, Lauren. He was thinking, finally. This must be killing Max.
On some level, I’d registered that he wasn’t around much anymore, but I had so much stuff going on that I couldn’t keep tabs on all of them. Sometimes I had to get my own house in order before I could do any freelance cleaning, so to speak. Unfortunately, there was no way to clue her in without breaking his confidence.
“What are you going to do?” I decided on a noncommittal response.
“Right now, I’m mostly surprised you’re not making fun of me. Max, of all people.” She shook her head, sighing.
Restraining a wince on his behalf, I answered, “Like I would.”
It was clear she saw the whole thing as good sex, bad idea, which meant she had no inkling how he felt. Punching him in the head might be my next move. Lauren thought she was no more important than anyone else he’d slept with. Good luck changing her mind, I thought.
“Try to act normal. So you’re friends with benefits.” The irony of me saying that didn’t escape me. “It’s not that big a deal, right?”
“I don’t think we’ll be benefiting each other again,” she said.
“Why not?”
“It was...” She paused, as if trying to organize her thoughts. “It happened for the wrong reason, that’s all.”
“Were you drunk?” I tried not to sound judgmental.
“It’s complicated.” Her expression darkened.
Somehow I didn’t think Max had done anything to warrant that look. If I had to guess, I’d say she was thinking of her father. The guy hadn’t called or written since he left ten years ago. It wasn’t an exaggeration to figure she had daddy issues, and there was a reason why she preferred no-strings sex to getting deep. Relationships required trust, and she didn’t have much to spare.
Since she’d opened up, I should do the same, as much as I could. “Speaking of beneficial arrangements, I’m kinda seeing the guy downstairs.”
“Hot Ginger?”
“Stop calling him that. His name is Ty.”
“And you’re dating? How long has this been going on?”
“Let’s say we’re conducting field research to find out if the friends with benefits thing can ever really work out.”
“So you’re f**k buddies.”
“Not yet,” I muttered. “But I have high hopes for this weekend.”
“I’d tell you to be careful, but given my own situation, I feel like that’d just be inviting some pot-kettle commentary.”
“Whatever. Let’s watch TV before I go back to studying. How are midterms going?”
There, now she knows about Ty. He’s not my secret anymore.
She shrugged. “I’m not off to an awesome start this semester, so...about as well as I expected. I hope to do better on finals.”
Angus came home while we were watching a cooking show. He dismissed the contestants with a wave of a hand. “Amateurs. How are my two favorite ladies?”
“Sleepy,” I said. “But determined to reread the last of the material before tomorrow. I’ll catch you guys later.”
Taking my tablet, I got into bed, which probably wasn’t the best move. I read half a chapter before passing out, and when my alarm went off in the morning, I fell out of bed trying to turn it off. If I was rich, I could break clocks on a daily basis, just for the satisfaction of shutting them up permanently. Of course, being independently wealthy would also likely mean I could sleep as long as I wanted.
With a sigh, I crawled into the shower. My whole body ached with weariness. I had been skipping out on sleep, trying to make it up in caffeine, and I was about to hit my tipping point. I felt so shitty, I didn’t even care about the weekend with Ty. By the time Friday arrived, I’d be in no shape to enjoy it. I washed that bitter thought down with some coffee and granola, then I headed to work.
Thursday. Thursday sucks.
When I pulled into the Rainbow Academy parking lot, I was in no mood to deal with children. This foul mood seemed etched in stone until Ty came out of the building. He usually dropped Sam off earlier; must be running late. My first instinct was to let him go, but as if he sensed me watching him, like that first night on his balcony, he spun until he found me looking.