"I didn't know him. That was before my first set of American parents gave us up. But my mother never got over his death. I could never measure up to her own precious child." She added some extra bitterness to her voice for good measure but secretly smiled at how she'd tormented her mother over Robert's death. She used to get his little shoes out of the attic and place them on Norma's bed, shove his blanket between the sheets, knock his picture from the wall.
"Why didn't you go to school, Kalyna?" Ava asked.
"My mother wouldn't let me or my sister. She home-schooled us. I told you that already."
"Yes, you did. You said you followed the curriculum just enough to keep the state off your backs."
"That's true."
There was another pause, then Ava said, "Your mother told me you sometimes used to hurt yourself."
"You think that's where I got those injuries?"
"I'm wondering."
She wiped the sweat from her upper lip. It wasn't only the heat; it was nerves. She felt like she was melting. "That's ridiculous! How many people do you know who purposely cause their own injuries?"
"I don't know any," Ava conceded. "But I've heard it happens."
"With psychos, maybe. But I'm not psycho. How could my own mother say such a terrible thing?" The tears that began to fall were real.
Kalyna felt hemmed in on all sides. First her parents had let her know they weren't happy to see her. Then Tatiana had played the intermediary, making it plain that she held far more sway with them. And now this. Kalyna couldn't take much more. Everyone was turning against her. "She's always lied about me. She wants to make sure I have no one I can talk to who'l trust me. She enjoys hurting me, enjoys alienating me from any friends I might make."
"Kalyna, calm down," Ava said.
But Kalyna couldn't calm down. If she allowed Ava to believe she was lying, Ava would feel obligated to tell Major Ogitani, and then Major Ogitani would very likely drop the case. After that, Kalyna would have no hope of ever speaking to Luke again. They'd assign her to a new flight squadron or possibly transfer her off the base. Or worse...bring her up on charges. Even if she stayed at Travis and managed to avert legal trouble, he'd go out of his way to avoid her. He'd get with another woman who was just as eager to be his lover, and she'd be left as she was before--with a craving only he could fulfil .
At that thought, she released a racking sob.
"Kalyna, stop," Ava said, growing more insistent.
"I was raped! And because Luke has more friends and better parents, he'l get away with it." She hiccuped in her effort to draw enough breath to continue. "My own mother's ruining my chances for justice!"
"Why would she do that?"
"I told you, she hates me. And she knows if this goes to court the truth'l come out. Don't you understand? Major Ogitani plans to establish what my childhood was like. My mother could go to prison herself for what she did to me!"
"Shutting you in the cooler was bad, but...are you talking about more than that?"
"Yes! She backhanded me at every opportunity, pinched me really hard, bent my fingers back, kicked me. Once she shoved me down the stairs and broke my arm!" Kalyna had told this story so many times she couldn't remember what parts of it were true. Although her parents had used corporal punishment, she was pretty sure they'd never broken her arm. But it didn't matter. Their cruelty went beyond spanking.
"Is there a record of that? Did she take you to a doctor or hospital?"
"No. It had to heal on its own. Luckily it was probably only a fracture."
The gritty feel of the bricks behind her seeped into Kalyna's consciousness, and the temptation to bang her head began to well up like bile. Sometimes the desire to destroy herself stole over her, a kind of madness so consuming that once it took root, she couldn't overcome it.
She wanted to knock herself senseless, claw at her arms and face, pull out her hair. I hate you. I hate you, she kept saying in her mind. But she wasn't sure if she was addressing Ava Bixby, her adoptive mothers, her birth mother or herself.
"Kalyna, listen to me! Calm down so we can talk."
"What?" She was already yanking on her hair, pulling out a fistful.
"Did anyone ever see the bruises your mother left?"
"Of course. But she'd tell them what she told you. That I hurt myself."
Tatiana poked her head out of the restaurant. "Kalyna--" She fell silent when she saw Kalyna crying. "Are you okay?"
Her sister's appearance made Kalyna let go of her hair. She couldn't bang or scratch or pull, not in Tati's presence. She'd promised her family she'd stopped all that, that it was a childish compulsion she'd outgrown.
They wouldn't believe she was what she said she was if they knew she was stil injuring herself. "No, I'm not okay!" she told Tati. "I need you. I need you to come here."
Tatiana rushed forward. "What is it?"
"They're going to let him off. They're going to let him go."
"Who?"
Kalyna made no attempt to hide or wipe her tears. "The man who raped me!"
Her sister began to stutter. "They--they won't do that if--if there's enough evidence to convict him."
"They won't if you tell this lady the truth."
"What?"
"My sister wil tell you what it was like," she said into the phone. "She saw it al --went through it, too." She thrust her cell at Tati.
Tati tried to swat it away. "No! What are you doing?"
"You have to tell Ava what Mom did to us. You have to tell her about the beatings."
Her eyes as round as silver dollars, Tati made a second attempt to refuse the phone, but Kalyna was having none of it. "Do it," she whispered.
"But I don't want to get involved!"
"Come on. You're my sister!"
The misery that registered on Tati's face revealed how torn she felt.
What the hell was happening that even her twin sister would hesitate to help her? Was everyone in her life bound to disappoint her?
"If you won't do this for me, I'l leave, disappear, and you'l never see me again!" Kalyna threatened.
"But, Kalyna--" Tati pleaded.
"Mom beat us!"
"No worse than most moms. And only when we acted up."
"I don't care. Al I'm asking is that you say it." She pressed the phone on her again. "Say it!"
Keeping her hand over the mouthpiece, Tati opened her mouth to argue some more, but the murderous look Kalyna gave her quelled further protest. She put the phone to her ear. "H-hello?...Who's this?...I'm Tatiana...Yes...Kalyna's sister."