I shook my head. “I broke up with him.”
“Good. It’s easier when you don’t have an angry boyfriend getting in the way.” She stopped at a door and knocked four times. In the moment that passed, she must have seen the look on my face, because she pulled me into a quick hug. “It’ll be fine, Kitty. It’s scary your first time, but there’s really nothing to it at all. You’re not actually afraid he won’t forgive you, are you? Because he will. He’s Benjy.”
The door opened before I could answer, revealing a man with a pointy chin. His eyes took in the curves Tabs was flaunting, and when he focused on me, it was all I could do not to glare.
“’Lo, Tabs. Who’s your friend?”
“Fresh meat.” She flashed him a flirty smile. “Going to let us in? Marion’s expecting us.”
He glanced over our shoulders, undoubtedly to check for Shields, and then stepped aside. Tabs took me by the elbow as we entered a narrow hallway, and the door slammed shut behind us. “Welcome to the Red Star Inn,” said the man, and he grinned to reveal a missing tooth.
I averted my eyes as Tabs pulled me past him.
As a IV, Tabs must have been given a perfectly ordinary assignment and the chance to live a normal life.
Tabs was anything but normal, though, and instead she’d chosen this.
There was no audition for this job. Anyone brave enough to risk it could find a place at one of the clubs scattered around the city, and even though it was highly illegal, everyone knew that the VIs who made up the governing body of society frequented these places. No matter how many laws were written forbidding it, it was a reliable lifestyle, at least until you grew too old to be wanted. I didn’t know what happened then, but at that moment all I cared about was staying in the Heights until Benjy turned seventeen.
Tabs introduced me to Marion, a graceful woman who must have done this at some point, but had been successful enough to start her own club. She directed me to a cramped dressing room and gestured for me to take a seat.
“A III, hmm?” She riffled through the rack of clothes pushed against a wall. “Bet you wish it was a VI.”
“I’m not exactly VI material,” I muttered. “A IV would’ve been nice, though.”
“We all want to be something we’re not, don’t we?”
She pulled a purple outfit off the rack and showed it to me. I wrinkled my nose. A bikini had more fabric. Marion replaced it. “There’s no point in fighting who you are. You can only survive it. We all have our place in the world, and grumbling about it won’t get you anything but a one-way ticket Elsewhere. Coming here, though— that’ll change your life. Aha!”
She handed me a sleeveless white dress. I held it up to my body, and the hemline reached my knees. Marion beamed.
“Perfect. The auction starts soon. Tabs explained how you’ll get a percentage of the profits and a room above the club?”
“Yeah. And I only have to—to be with men I choose, right?”
“Other than whoever buys you tonight, yes. But if you plan on making any money at this, I wouldn’t be so picky if I were you.” Marion eyed me. “Tabs said you’re a virgin?”
I nodded, struggling to keep a neutral expression as my face grew hot. She either didn’t notice or didn’t care.
“Good. That’s worth a small fortune these days. Get ready. I’ll be back for you when it starts.”
Marion left, and once we were alone, Tabs squeezed my hand. “She’s wrong, you know. You’re better than a III. She doesn’t want you to change your mind, that’s all.”
“I don’t exactly have much of a choice,” I said. “But she’s right anyway. I’m a III, and nothing’s going to change that.” And all I could do was try to survive it.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” said Tabs. “You’re not a III down here. You’re the gorgeous and desirable Kitty, and you’re in control of your own life now.”
I would never be gorgeous or desirable, not like Tabs, but I nodded anyway. “Does it hurt?”
“Not nearly as much as losing Benjy forever would,” she said. “Don’t worry about any of it, okay? You’ll be fine. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning, and you can tell me all about it then.”
Tabs kissed my cheek, and I couldn’t look her in the eye. For her, this was about liberation. All I wanted was to buy myself an extra month, and I didn’t enjoy feeling like I was lying to her. Benjy was my freedom, not this.
“Are you really getting a cut of my profits on the side?”
I said, and Tabs stopped in the doorway.
“Who told you that?”
“Nina.”
She sighed dramatically. “I’m doing this so you can stay here with me and Benjy, not because I need the money.
I make plenty on my own, and you will, too. But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll give you my share.”
“No, that’s fine,” I said, staring at my ragged fingernails. “I just wanted to know. Thanks, though—for helping me, I mean.”
She flashed me a dazzling smile. “Anytime. Love you,” she said as she flounced back into the hallway.
“Love you, too,” I mumbled before she closed the door.
I sat on the stool and stared at my face in the mirror, trying to imagine the men who would bid on me.
According to Tabs, most of the people who frequented these kinds of places weren’t especially attractive, but that wasn’t what I was worried about. Tomorrow, when I met Benjy in front of school, what would he say? Would he even touch me anymore? Would he look at me the same way? Or would I be different—too different for him to love anymore, at least the way he loved me now?
And was losing him really worth it?
Yes, I decided. Benjy deserved better than this. He deserved better than me. But if by some miracle he still wanted me when this was over, then I would be here for him. I wasn’t going to leave him, or Tabs, or Nina, no matter what it cost me.
In a month, Benjy would choose what life he wanted and if I would be in it. But this—right here, right now— this was my choice to make sure I’d still be here when he did.
The wait was torture. There were no clocks or televisions in the room, and by the time Marion came to get me, I had bitten my ragged nails so short that they bled. She took one look at my hands and dragged me to a bathroom across the hall.
“You’ll have to stop that before you ruin your hands.