Prologue
There are some days when I don't even remember that my world has ended. I can watch the leaves blowing in the wind and listen to the birds chirping while the sun warms my soul and I'm quite content. Happy, even. My only worry is how best to spend the day. He doesn't even cross my mind on those days, and I'm not thinking about what I could have done differently.
And then, there are the days like today, when I'm just walking through a store and I see a card with a funny message, it says "To my favorite brother" or something similar and I feel my world stop suddenly. It's as if someone has sucker-punched me, and I stand there unseeing for what seems like hours. It takes everything in me to stop the whirlwind of emotions threatening to bring me down.
I don't know if the grief or the guilt is worse. The grief never goes away, but sometimes it hides out waiting to be found. Grief is tricky like that. It likes to play games. It likes you to think that it’s gone. But then when it's found, and the guilt hits you once again, it is even harsher, and even more unforgiving, because it makes you think: how could I have forgotten? For even one second? How could I live my life and enjoy myself when he would never be able to?
I sat at the table with the business card in my hands, trying not to let my guilt consume me. I twirled it in my fingers, staring at the numbers. I looked from the card to my phone and waited. It was as if I thought the phone would magically dial the numbers itself. And if any business card were to have those powers it would be this one. It was so sturdy and impressive looking. This was no flimsy card made of cheap cardboard. Not at all. The man who had given it to me after the funeral had also looked very dignified and confident as he had tried to convince me to call him. He said that his name was Special Agent Waldron and that he had reason to believe that there was more to Noah's death than a mere suicide. He told me that it was of vital importance that I call him. At the time, I had been too angry and upset to listen, but now I wanted answers. I wanted to know what had really happened. And if there was someone to blame for Noah's death, I wanted revenge. I was going to make it my mission to avenge Noah’s death, and nothing was going to get in my way. This was my life now.
Chapter 1
I was annoyed and impatient as I walked into the diner. It was too tacky for my taste. The silver exterior screamed of days gone by and the green and black booths reminded me of Happy Days, and I was certainly no Richie Cunningham. I watched as Emily applied her lipstick outside the diner and stood for a moment, waiting for someone to greet me. I counted to three and looked around to see what was taking so long. Didn’t they know this was an important night for me? I looked at my watch in annoyance, and it was the sound of her laugh that first caught my attention. It was a light, happy and cheerful sound and I looked up to see where it was coming from. Without quite knowing what I was doing, I felt myself walking toward the laughing waitress and the other lady she appeared to be dancing with.
“One, two, three, one, two, three.” She continued laughing as she followed the other waitress’s footsteps. I stood for a second and just watched her attempt to salsa in the somewhat tacky burger joint I found myself in. She had a pretty smile, one of those smiles that was engaging and genuine. Her hair was long and chestnut brown in a ponytail, and there were wisps of hair that had escaped her hairband and framed her face. As I stood there and watched her dancing, I felt myself smiling and if it wasn’t for my date, I would have stood there waiting for a few more minutes as well. I felt my annoyance and impatience fade away as I watched her carefully trying to master the dance steps.
“Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you two dancing queens, but do you think we can get a table?” I regretfully interrupted her careful dance moves and I felt a jolt of electricity dart through me as she looked up and her eyes met mine. Her face flushed red and she gave me an awkward smile.
“Hi, sorry about that,” she laughed. “Let me get some menus.”
“I see you’re quite a dancer, you girls going out tonight?” I wasn’t sure why I asked the question and ignored the image that flashed in my mind; an image of dancing with this unknown girl in a sweaty club.
“No, no.” She shook her head. “We work pretty late.”
“That’s a shame.” I was about to ask her another question but she grabbed the menus and looked away from me quickly.
“I’m sorry sir, this way please.” She walked quickly and I followed behind her closely.
“I thought I had walked into a dance class and not a diner.” I teased her and laughed to myself as I saw her blush again.
“Sorry about that.” She looked up at me and shook her head. “Maria and I get a little carried away at times.”
“I think…” I paused as I felt the tap on my shoulder. I looked around and saw my date, Emily, standing there. I was annoyed by the look on her face but gave her a fake smile. “Hey.”
“I thought you were going to come and get me.” She frowned, looked around the diner, and wrinkled her nose. “Is this where we’re eating?” She looked at the waitress in front of me and snapped. “Do you guys only have burgers?” There was an uncomfortable silence as we all looked at the sign directly in front of us that read Lou’s Burger Joint.
The waitress stood there with an awkward smile on her face, and I felt bad that Emily was being such a bitch. “What is this place, Zane? I thought we were going to Ruth’s Chris?”
“They didn’t have any reservations, Emily.” I sighed, annoyed, but made myself reach over to grab her hand so that she couldn’t sense how fed up I was with her. “A burger won’t kill you, just this once.” And the meat comes from the same animal as a steak, I thought to myself.
“I guess so, Zane.” She purred my name and the waitress looked up at us with a tight smile. I wanted to tell her that Emily meant nothing to me, but I didn’t know why. I didn’t even know this girl. And I didn’t want to get to know her. Not when I had so much to figure out. I squeezed Emily’s hand and allowed her to sit down in the booth before I took a seat.
“It won’t be so bad, and if it is, I promise we can go camp out at Ruth’s Chris. We’ll stay all night until they deign to give us a table.”
“Oh, Zane.” She giggled, throwing her blonde hair over her shoulders. Her blue eyes sparkled, though they still looked cold and distant, and her perfect white teeth lured me in with their pearly gloss. Everything about Emily was seemingly perfect, yet everything about her also felt fake. I tried to ignore the happy genuine brown eyes of the waitress next to me as I sat with Emily. Emily was the sort of girl that most men would kill to be with. And I needed her to provide me with information. That was the most important thing. I didn’t have time to sit here and think about some waitress.