A look of confusion crossed Ash’s face. “MaLena?”
Nat rolls her eyes at him as though he’s stupid. “Max and Helena. Get with the program, babe.”
Helena and me married? Little baby Helena’s and Max Juniors? My heart starts to race. Hell to the no. Just as I lift my hand to argue the point, Nik arrives at my office door and jerks his chin towards Nat. “What’s the crazy lady gasping about?”
I open my mouth to answer, but Nat cuts me off with a happy, “Max and Helena are getting married and having babies!”
Nik’s eyes widen comically. “She’s pregnant? Already?” He shakes his head. “Jesus, man. You sure don’t fuck around.”
That’s it. I raise a hand and begin, “Whoa, man. She isn’t pregnant.” I turn to Nat. “And we aren’t getting married.” I face Ash. “But I like her, and we’re taking it slow. All we’re doing is dating. Everyone needs to relax.”
I hate myself for thinking of Maddy right now. I remember how I felt when she left us. We never heard from her again, but I dug. I sincerely wished I hadn’t when I found out she remarried and had two little boys of her own.
How can she do that? How can she live her life like we don’t exist? Like we never existed?
This is why I don’t normally date. I can’t go through that again. It near killed me the first time around. I wonder how long it’ll take Helena to realize a man with a disabled teenage child isn’t what she’s looking for.
Lucky this thing with Helena isn’t serious.
Yeah, right.
Lucky we’re keeping emotions out of this relationship.
Keep telling yourself that.
Lucky there’s no risk of losing my heart again.
She’s already in there, man.
Nat’s face falls. She opens her mouth to speak, but closes it quickly. She takes a moment then tries again. When she speaks, it’s quiet and cautious. “The last real boyfriend Helena had was senior year, and he hurt her, Max. He hurt her in a way that she was scared off dating.” Hearing some douche hurt Helena makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. “‘Til now. She really likes you, Max. She might deny how much she does, but I can see it. She likes you a lot.” She breathes deep then replies on a whispered exhale, “Please don’t hurt her.”
Hurt her? Why can’t anyone see it? She has the power to hurt me. And she will, when she’s had enough of me. And even knowing that, I can’t let her go. I’ll be around for as long as she wants me. Helena can’t love a guy like me.
Who wants a person with half a heart?
I wrap my hand around Nat and hug her. “I won’t hurt her. I promise.”
Smiling softly as she pulls away, she utters, “That’s all I ask.” She straightens. “Right. I have to get to work, but I’ll see you all later.”
She kisses Ash on the mouth, and kisses my cheek then Nik’s as she leaves.
Ash turns to me. “I swear to God, man. I love that woman more than my own life, and she loves Helena more than her own. You hurt her,” he looks me in the eye to show me how serious he is, “I will fuck you up.”
Without a backward glance, he leaves me office, and I call out, “Noted.”
Nik stands by the door, leaning against the frame. “Gotta admit I was surprised about Helena, but not that surprised.”
Huh? “What do you mean?”
He tilts his head, brows raised. “She’s gorgeous, she’s funny, she’s got experience working with kids like Ceecee, and she’s got a good heart.” My heart clenches painfully when he adds, “She’s everything you deserve and more.” He stands, then shrugs lightly. “So tell me why you’re scared.”
My brother. He sees all.
I sit on the edge of my desk, thinking about my answer. “I’m not scared.”
Nik walks over to my desk and sits by my side. He nods lightly. “You’re scared.” I don’t know what to say, because he’s right. I am scared. The silence lasts only a moment before Nik utters, “Remember how miserable I was before Tina came along?”
Before Tina came along, Nik was a moody bastard who only used women for sex. But Tina didn’t want sex. She wanted friendship. Up until then, Nik had never had a friend who also happened to be a girl. We gave him shit about it, but I’m grateful for Tina. She gave Nik something I never thought I’d see in my life. She gave him a reason to live. “Yeah, I remember.”
He nudges my shoulder with his. “Don’t you want something like we have? Because you can have it. You’ve got a woman who could give you that, and she’s right in front of you.”
My throat thickens with emotion, and I hate myself for showing weakness. I dip my chin and whisper a strained, “I can’t do it again, Nik.”
He assures adamantly, “Yes, you can. A woman like that won’t let you down. A woman like that will catch you if you happen to fall. A woman like Helena is hard to find, but easy to keep if you treat her well.” He pauses a moment before stating, “She isn’t Maddy.”
I mutter, “Yeah, well I thought Maddy was all those things you just said, so I guess I’m not the best judge of character.”
A sound of aggravation escapes him. “Dude, I know you don’t remember things the way I do, so here it goes. I’m laying it out there, whether you want to hear it or not.” He slides off the desk to stand in front of me. “Maddy was a whiny bitch. She always was.”
My head snaps up in shock. “What?”
Nik sighs. “I know when you’re in love you see the best in a person, but I wasn’t in love with her. Fuck, I barely liked her on the best of days. So I’m going to tell you, now after thirteen years, why Maddy was never good enough for you.” Sitting there in shock, all I can do is listen as he starts, “When you first told me you were in love, I was rooting for you. I mean, it’s not every day a young man comes to his brother to tell him he’s met the one. I spent all night talking to you, telling you to bring her over so we could meet her. I remember how excited you were about it. The next day, you came home looking like someone shit in your cereal, because Maddy wasn’t ready to tell people about you.” He looks down into my eyes. “That was her first strike. She acted like she was ashamed of you.”
My brows furrow. “It wasn’t like that. She wanted to make sure I was into her before she told her parents about us.”