Because surely he would marry the woman now.
“Not for a while. We have to get through the first couple months with him—well, Margot does. I’m working around the clock.”
“Wall Street will do that to you.”
“Sure does.” Pause. “Are you okay?”
Cait bristled at that. What, like she’d been sitting around pining after him forever?
Okay, maybe that had been true for a little while. “You know what? I really am. I’m in a good place, work’s fantastic, and my personal life is …” She didn’t finish that part with any details. Seemed too much as if she were trying to prove something. “… going well.”
The relief that came across the connection was palpable. “Oh, I’m so glad to hear that.”
And you know, it was funny; she believed that was true for him. In this moment, sitting with the phone squeezed to her ear and the awkwardness on both sides making her want to end things quickly, she realized … Thom was a good guy.
“Can I ask you something?” she blurted.
“Anything. I mean that, Cait.”
“When you met …” Okay, time to man up. For God’s sake, at this point, the pair of them had been together longer than she and Thom had. “… Margot, was it a love-at-first-sight kind of thing? Like, an overwhelming, no-going-back free fall?”
She was, of course, thinking of Duke. Even though that probably didn’t make a lot of sense. She barely knew the guy, after all.
Thom cleared his throat. “Are you sure you want me to answer that?”
“Yeah, I really am. Although maybe this is not the right time. You’re probably still at the hospital, right?”
“No, no, it’s okay. They’re both sleeping, and the parents have all gone home for showers.”
She could just picture him in some kind of white corridor, leaning a shoulder on the wall and crossing one loafer or wingtip so that it balanced on the toe.
Thom blew out a long breath. “I saw her in the library, across a distance … and I can’t explain it. I just stopped dead, right where I was. It wasn’t in my nature to have that kind of reaction, and still isn’t—and just so you and I are clear? I walked away. I didn’t talk to her, I didn’t ask anyone about her, I didn’t take a seat and stare at her for hours. I just turned right around and left.”
He was correct—that sort of struck-dumb hadn’t been typical of him. Thom had always been just like her: measured, careful, focused on studying rather than people.
In fact, their friends had always said they were the perfect couple, and when they’d broken up the spring of senior year, the split had been a major topic of conversation. Looking back now, she imagined it had been easier in some ways to be on her side of things, i.e., the victim, the one who had been deserted—although that certainly hadn’t been a party. At least their social circle had pitied her, though, rather than gotten all snarky in her direction.
“It must have been a surprise for you,” she said.
“It wasn’t what I wanted. Not at all.”
“When did it happen, you know, her and you?”
What a crazy time to be finally asking these questions. When he’d told her he’d found someone else, she hadn’t wanted any details—just a cardboard box to pack up the things he’d left in her dorm room.
“A year later.”
Cait recoiled. “You two dated for a year?”
“No. I saw her first a year, maybe a year and a half before I … you know. It was fall our junior year. Cait, I was going to marry you. I was committed to you. I wanted to be with you. The last thing I ever considered was that somebody else would get in the way. After I saw her, I stopped studying in the library. I left parties—do you remember that Super Bowl party at Rich’s? The one where he got arrested afterward? I said I was sick—but it was because she was there. I didn’t want to be anywhere around her.”
Cait eased back in her chair. “God…”
“You were always working, Cait, especially our senior year—and that is not to put anything on you. That was the way we were. It’s just … you were always so busy, and I was busy, and then one night … you went to visit your parents for Presidents’ Day weekend because they were finally home for a little while? I was sitting in our quad, Teresa was out, Greg was gone … and I don’t know what … exactly it was, but I got up and put my coat on, and I walked across campus at ten o’clock at night. I went to the library that night, and she was there. And that was … what happened. About two weeks after that was when I spoke with you. Margot and I had not been together by that time, but I knew where things were headed, I knew that … Christ, Cait, the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.”
“I believe that,” she said hoarsely. “I do.”
“And you know, the reason I called you before we announced, and why I’m calling you now? I’ve embarrassed you enough. I don’t want you to ever be on the receiving end of unexpected news again—at least not that has to do with me. Even though it was how many years ago, I’ve never gotten over that whole thing with us, Cait. It was a blessing to meet Margot, but a curse, too. She’s my other half, but I had to hurt … you.”
As tears welled, it wasn’t from grief. More from a sense that in reality, they had both hurt each other, in their own ways. And though she had never wished him ill per se, the idea that he hadn’t waltzed away into the arms of some hot new love free and clear made her feel like it was more equitable, somehow.
“I’m really glad you called,” she said. “I truly am.”
Thom exhaled long and slow. “I’ve wanted to explain myself for a long time. But not from a self-serving point of view, more because I honestly still care about you. And I always will.”
Cait smiled sadly, remembering how the two of them could spend hours studying side by side. They had been the perfect companions, and she’d been looking for stability back then. But was that true love?
Not like he’d found with Margot.
“You take care of yourself, Thom.”
“You, too, Cait.”
As she ended the call, she stared at her phone.
It was good to know he was as decent as she’d thought he was. He’d avoided his truth for a good year … and then it had just been his time, she supposed. And yes, the whole thing had been heartbreaking, the trauma of losing what she’d planned her life to be, that artificial structure she had created herself but called destiny, absolutely crushing. But she had always wondered whether or not he had been the man she’d assumed she knew.