But, oh, how she’d wanted to be with him, how she’d wanted the thrill of his kisses, the warmth of his smile, the special connection he had with Summer. So she’d tried.
She’d really tried.
But the panic that had slammed into her when he’d told her about the fire, about the hazardous materials…no, there was no way she could handle being this terrified on a daily basis.
Even after Gabe left his apartment to head for Chinatown, Megan remained right where she was, in his bed, surrounded by his scent, his things, wanting to feel even that small connection a little longer.
Mere minutes ago, she’d been about to take the biggest risk of her life by telling him she loved him and she’d thought that was so difficult. But now she knew what would be infinitely harder: telling him goodbye.
Forever.
As she finally left his apartment, she was followed by the wonderful memories of being with him. Sitting on his lap looking out at the city lights, watching—and creating—fireworks up on the roof, slipping and sliding together in the bathtub, and then curling up with him in his bed. Warm. And safe, so much safer than she’d ever felt before.
No. She couldn’t let herself think about any of that.
She needed to go home. Get to work. Stay focused on her client’s spreadsheets until it was time to pick Summer up from school. And then, when Gabe came back from the fire—if he came back—she’d steel herself to make the final break with him.
Her steps faltered as she slowly walked along the sidewalk. How much easier would her life have been if she’d never met Gabe? If some other firefighter had saved her and Summer, and she’d simply have continued her normal life—meeting with clients, taking care of paying the bills, raising her daughter the best she knew how...and dating perfectly nice men with safe jobs.
No question about it, that safety was what she should have been wishing for.
But now that she’d tasted real joy, utter sweetness, she knew anything else would be bland. Boring.
Oh God, she was in trouble.
Because even though she was terrified about letting herself love Gabe, wholly and completely, she couldn’t seem to save herself—and her daughter—by walking away from him either.
All the rational arguments, all the spreadsheets and calculations of risk versus reward in the world couldn’t stop Megan from turning in the opposite direction...straight toward the dark smoke spiraling up from the busy streets of Chinatown.
* * *
It was worse than she could have imagined. So much worse. Not only were several buildings on fire, but there was singed food and clothes from the stores all over the street, rolling down gutters running fast with the water from the fire engines.
As Megan moved through the crowd she caught snippets of conversation about the fire.
“Do they know what the hazardous materials are yet?”
“I heard it was a gas leak that could blow the buildings sky high.”
“I’m scared, Mommy. Are the firefighters going to be okay?”
A line of police officers was holding people back along the street, behind a row of fire engines. She had no idea how they’d managed to get the engines into the narrow street, through the crowds of cars and people.
A moment later a sudden burst of flames shot up out of the roof of one of the stores just to the side of the truck’s smashed-in engine.
“We need all of you to back up.”
She knew the police officer was right, that she’d be safer farther back. It wasn’t fair for her to expect Gabe to be safe if she wasn’t doing the same thing.
A few minutes later, when they were almost a full block away from the fire, she saw Gabe’s truck double-parked on the corner. Pushing her way through the crowd, she pressed her hand against the cool metal of his door. Realizing he’d left it unlocked, she opened the door and climbed inside.
His truck smelled like him, clean and smoky all at the same time. Her hands were tight on the steering wheel as she stared up at the black smoke spiraling into the air, forming clouds of ash in the previously blue sky.
Her brain was stuck on Pause, on a far-too-vivid mental picture of Gabe surrounded by flames, just the way he’d looked the first time she’d met him in her burning apartment building.
Those visions had started to fade during the past months, but now she was bombarded with them one after the other. Looking up and seeing him gesturing for her to get out of the tub, to follow him through her apartment to the stairs. How strong, how steady he’d been as he’d helped her and Summer get to safety.
And yet, even though they all could have been killed and Gabe had ended up in the hospital after the beam fell on him, she knew deep in her core that everything he’d done—everything he’d asked of her that horrible afternoon—had been as safe as it could possibly be.
Gabe hadn’t been running around or freaking out. He’d been determined. Smart. And his clear-headed approach to firefighting was the reason she and Summer were alive.
The epiphany hit her, so hard and fast she wondered how she could possibly have been so blind all this time, blind even in his apartment when she’d been on the verge of declaring her love to him. She’d still been so caught up in the prospect of danger, in thinking he was going to take unwarranted risks and end up dead.
Of course Megan had known, early on, that Gabe was different from David. Her husband had been an adrenaline junkie. He’d thrived on risk and he’d never thought beyond those thrills, not even after he’d become a husband and father. Yes, while she knew that Gabe thrived on the excitement of his job, she knew he wasn’t in it just for the risk, for no other reason than to see how far he could push himself this time.
For Gabe, being a firefighter was about so much more than the thrill of putting out fires. It was about helping people and being an important part of the community.
If anyone could work a dangerous job safely, it was Gabe. There were no guarantees for any of them about getting sick or being in an accident. But if she’d been able to look past her fears, Megan knew she would have realized all of this long before now—that he loved them too much to ever purposely put himself in the path of foolish danger like David had done so many times.
So many things clicked into place for Megan in that moment. She hadn’t wanted Summer to turn what had almost happened to them in the apartment fire into a fear that she’d take forward with her in her life. She wanted her daughter to be fearless, but smart, too. She didn’t want Summer to hide her light, didn’t want her to shy away from taking intelligent risks.