Her mother was crying, too, now. And saying, “I don’t understand,” again and again until the words all ran together. IdontunderstandIdontunderstandIdontunderstand.
Serena had to go to her. And when she did, she realized Sean was right beside her, helping her mother sit down. Finding a box of tissues. Being Serena’s rock through absolutely everything.
“I wanted you to have everything. To be everything. To never wonder what if like I did.”
“That’s why I had to go to college.” Serena felt as though her heart was finally starting to beat again. “Because if I didn’t, I’d never stop wondering what I had missed.”
Her mother finally looked at her. Really, truly looked. Mascara was running in black streaks down Genevieve’s cheeks, but for the first time in Serena’s memory, she didn’t try to fix it.
“I don’t understand,” her mother said again, but it sounded a little different now. “I never wanted to go to college. I never liked books, wanted to run screaming from the library. But you...even when you were a little girl, you had to have a book with you all the time.” Genevieve shook her head. “I thought that would change. That you would change. That you’d become more like me.” She brushed the back of her hand over her cheeks, smearing red lipstick into her running mascara. “But why would you want that when I was never anything? Never anything that mattered to anyone.”
“Yes, you were. You are.”
“What?” Her mom had never looked so lost. Or so afraid. “What am I?”
“You’re my mom. And you matter to me. So, so much.”
And this time, when she reached for her, Genevieve leaned all the way into Serena’s arms.
* * *
Thank God, thought Sean as they got out of his car behind his frat house a couple of hours later, Serena was smiling again. Ever since they’d left Smith’s house, she’d practically been floating.
“I feel so free,” she told him. “For the very first time in my life, I feel like I can do anything. Anything at all. And wasn’t it amazing when Smith offered to introduce me to his sister Sophie? She’s a librarian in San Francisco and also went to Stanford. How cool is that?”
Standing in the middle of the parking lot, Serena fit into his arms so perfectly and her lips tasted so sweet as she kissed him that he could hardly remember what his life had been like before he’d met her. Parts had been great, parts had been terrible, but none of it had ever been this real. This powerful. Or, he thought as she pressed the full length of her curves against him and made a little sound of pleasure into his mouth, this hot. It wasn’t until when one of his frat brothers whistled that they finally remembered they were in public and headed for his room hand in hand.
In the wake of tonight’s events, Sean was happy, too. Happier, at least, knowing that Serena definitely wasn’t going to be leaving to film the movie. Unfortunately, her academic status on campus was still in question, and he’d been racking his brain all night trying to think of the best way to deal with her lecherous professor. Plus, he couldn’t help but worry about Serena’s mother. Because even though Genevieve had taken a giant step forward tonight, what if Serena put all her hopes into having a great new relationship with her mother...and then was disappointed if another big breakthrough never came?
In the end, though, Sean knew he couldn’t protect her from everything, even if he wanted to. Besides, Serena had proved that she was more than capable of taking care of herself. Still, he silently vowed to always be there as backup.
He’d planned on picking up where their kiss had left off once they were in his room, but once they were inside and the door was closed, the box of photos was suddenly all he could see.
Serena had finally faced down her biggest fear of disappointing—and losing—her mother. But he still hadn’t dealt with the reality of losing his.
“The last day with my mom, I took pictures of her. Pictures I’ve never developed.” He’d smashed his camera on the pavement outside the hospital, but he hadn’t been able to walk away without picking up the film. “There’s a darkroom on campus.”
Serena lifted his hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to it. “Let’s go.”
* * *
As soon as the two of them got to the darkroom, Sean realized his family needed to be there, too, when he developed the pictures, so he sent a group text to them. Grant arrived a few minutes later still wearing his suit. Olivia had glasses on and her hair pulled back into a ponytail. Justin came straight from the lab. Only Drew couldn’t make it because he was playing a private show in the city, but Sean knew he’d definitely come see the pictures before he headed back out on tour the following day.
Maddie was the last to get there, her eyes red as though she’d already been crying. “Dad wanted to come, I know he did, but he...”
When her tears came again, Grant put an arm around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “He’ll look at the pictures when he’s ready.”
“All of us should be able to cram inside,” Sean said, not letting go of Serena’s hand so that she knew he needed her there, too.
No one spoke as he worked carefully to make the prints. He’d taken pictures of each of his siblings and his father with his mother that day, and Drew had used Sean’s camera to take a picture of him with her, as well.
Sean had expected developing these pictures to bring back all his grief, and for a little while, it did. But then, slowly, that sadness began to shift. And when he was finally done developing the entire roll and made himself take a close look at each of the pictures, he realized why.
Lisa Morrison had been such an amazing mother to each and every one of them that, in the end, all that was left for Sean to see wasn’t how sick she was, or how frail she’d become.
All he saw, and all he felt in the darkroom surrounded by his brothers and sisters and girlfriend, was love.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
“Serena, this is Barbara Canfield from the English Department. Would you be able to come by the main office today?”
Barely fifteen minutes ago, Serena had decided that she had to tell the department chair what had happened with Professor Fairworth. There was a pretty good chance that they wouldn’t believe her. After all, she was famous for being photographed in skimpy lingerie and barely-there bathing suits, so if he wanted to make the case that she’d come on to him, it wouldn’t seem all that farfetched. But she couldn’t live with the idea that he might try it again on another student who wouldn’t be able to say no.