“Sofia,” he said through gritted teeth, “I will post guards to keep watch over you if I have to. You are not to go anywhere near Ashley. Not now. I should never have allowed you to see her turn. I…” He licked his lips and shook his head as if to wade off whatever demons were plaguing his conflicted mind.
My heart softened at how torn he was by the whole matter and I nodded. “You don’t have to do that, Derek. I won’t go if you really don’t want me to.”
He looked at me with blue eyes glazed, expression tender. I had to catch my breath at the way his eyes were set on me. I knew he loved me. I had no doubt about that, but I wasn’t sure he understood enough just how much I loved him. That bothered me, because as far as I knew, I’d already given him everything. It felt like I had nothing else left to give in order to prove my love.
The tender look in his eyes was quickly replaced with a heated, smoldering one and I knew without a doubt that he wanted me. I wanted him back, so I found myself frustrated when he stepped back, bit his lip and said, “I have to go.”
My shoulders sagged as I watched him leave. He’d been true to his word. Since he told me that he would pursue me, he never once made a move to touch me beyond the kind of affection a brother would give a sister. He wasn’t as he was before—always hanging a possessive arm around my waist, freely touching me wherever and whenever he pleased. His caresses were soft and tentative, his kisses chaste and gentle. Whenever he was around me, it was almost as if I was a fragile, porcelain doll he was afraid to break.
For the first time since I met him, I hadn’t the slightest clue how to deal with him. What came to me instinctively before in matters that concerned Derek Novak eluded me the moment he got this idea that he needed to romance and pursue me. I wanted to reassure him, longed to let him know that I was his and would always be his, but I didn’t know how to do that without losing my own self-respect.
Whether he knew it or not, as far as our relationship went, he was calling all the shots, and all I could do was go wherever he chose to take us.
Sitting there that afternoon, my mind was torn between the constant ache in my chest over how I felt for Derek and how anxious I was over Ashley’s predicament. Seeing her turn triggered memories of my childhood that I long since buried, memories that I wished could’ve remained buried. After Ashley’s turning, it haunted both my dreams and my every waking moment.
The fever raged for more days than my nine-year-old self could remember. I kept tossing and turning on my bed, calling for Mommy, but she didn’t come like I wanted her to. I couldn’t remember anything that happened before the fever. Only Daddy was there to make sure I was alright. I hated looking at him, because he had the saddest eyes whenever he looked at me. It felt like I did something wrong, but I didn’t know what it was. When I woke up one night, my entire body was so hot, my skin felt like it was about to burn up, I found Daddy crying, his face buried in his palms as he sobbed. I wanted to complain about how hot I felt, but I felt too sorry for him. That’s when I realized that something bad happened. I wished that I knew what it was.
Seeing Daddy cry, I couldn’t fight back the tears myself. Every part of my body hurt, but not as much as the pain I felt inside as I wondered what could’ve made my wonderful father cry. I tried to hold it back, but I could no longer stifle a sob. Daddy heard it and he looked at me.
“Hey, baby…” he whispered, his voice hoarse and dry. “How are you doing? Why are you crying?” He walked up to me and touched my forehead. He withdrew his hand in surprise. A bad word came out of his mouth. I never heard him talk that way before. “You’re burning up, Sofia.”
He looked angry. It made me feel bad that my body was so hot. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I was in so much pain, with no idea how to let him know, so I just let the sobs rack my small body.
“Hush…” he whispered in an attempt to comfort me, but he too was in pain I could tell. After I recovered from the fever, I realized why Daddy was so sad. Mommy was gone. Daddy told me that she went off to another home, where they could take care of people like her—people who’d gone crazy.
When Daddy left me with the Hudsons, I cried myself to sleep for weeks. Only Ben saw me crying.
“Why do you cry every night?” he asked me once.
I heaved a sigh and stared into the distance. “My mommy went crazy. Do you think my daddy left me because he thinks it’s my fault?”
Ben stared at me for a few moments, his blue eyes wide and thoughtful as he tried to comprehend what I had just said. In response, he shrugged and squirted his water gun at me.
At that memory of Ben, I couldn’t help but smile. He always did have a way of making heavy situations feel a lot lighter than they were. I looked around me and held back tears as I realized how much The Shade had changed him—how much it changed me.
“What’s with the weird half-smile, half-frown expression on your face?”
I looked up to find Gavin leaning against my doorpost, arms crossed over his chest. His tousled red hair and the boyish smirk on his face were enough to lift my spirits.
I smiled. “I just remembered my best friend…Ben. The memory of him makes me both happy and sad at the same time.”
Gavin’s brows rose in surprise as he strode toward me. He then plopped himself on the couch beside me. “Wow. So there were actually other men in Sofia Claremont’s life before the great Derek Novak.”
“Just Ben.”
“He must be quite a guy to compete with the likes of the prince.”
He tried to compete. He failed miserably. My smile was bittersweet. “I miss him.” Or at least the version of him before The Shade destroyed him.
“Does Derek know that? I might have to report you for dreaming about other men while he’s so enamored by you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Much as I love the banter, Gavin, what exactly are you doing here?”
“You’ve been in The Catacombs for more than three days. I’d given you all the time to rest and adjust. It’s time to get your ass to work. Contrary to Derek’s opinion, you’re no princess of The Shade.” He paused and raised his brows as he gave his last statement some thought. “At least not yet.”
Gavin saw the frown in my face before I could conceal it. “What? Don’t tell me that you thought you’d be sitting pretty here all night long…everyone in The Catacombs works. You have to earn your keep, and considering how glorious your keep is, you’d better be good at what you do.”