I dared catch a glimpse of her. Illuminated by the moonlight, she was quite a vision to behold. Her eyes were downcast, focused on the ground. She stopped walking and made me face her with a squeeze of her hand on mine. I found myself suddenly anxious when she said:
“Your few hours are over. We have a lot to talk about.”
CHAPTER 34: SOFIA
Walking through the woods, along the familiar gravel pathway that led from the Sanctuary to the Vale, I found myself bothered by the things Vivienne told me – about how Derek was veering towards his dark side. I witnessed that first hand with the scene I walked in on upon my arrival. The conversation I had with Corrine further heightened my anxiety over Derek when she confirmed the things that he’d been up to during my absence – how he seemed to be gearing everyone up for war, the census, the ban from all further abductions and what that could imply…
I didn’t know what to make of all the things I’d been told and I felt unsure about what I was supposed to be doing at The Shade. What impact did Vivienne think I could have here?
My eyes were beginning to moisten with tears as I looked up at Derek. I needed to talk about what happened. I wanted to understand him again, because the time I spent away from The Shade felt like a giant rift between us.
“Where do you want to begin?” He sounded nervous.
I forced myself to keep my eyes on him as I expressed what was going on first and foremost in my mind. “Ashley… you were about to…” I choked, unable to say the word out loud. You were about to rape her.
His gaze left me. He said nothing. It was almost as if he was hoping that I would just forget what I saw, that we could just move on without ever addressing what happened.
“Vivienne told me that you attacked Ashley… in the Sun Room…”
His eyes darkened and once again focused on mine. I didn’t know what I said, but something triggered his ire and he began walking forward until he managed to back me up against the trunk of a giant willow tree. “Vivienne is why I did it. When I heard that the hunters had my sister and that you were the reason she left The Shade, I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t understand what it was with you that she had to risk her own life just to get you back here.”
I swallowed. I didn’t know how to respond to that. I don’t understand either. Not completely. I was back at The Shade, because it had this hold on me, because Derek somehow managed to forever etch himself in my mind. Standing there, however, with him so close to me, I found that I had no idea what Vivienne thought I ought to accomplish by being there.
Derek was in turmoil and it was easy to see that not having Vivienne around was ripping him apart inside. I knew how precious she was to him, but I couldn’t understand why he would take out her loss on Ashley.
“I don’t see how that justifies what you did to Ash…”
“I’m a vampire, Sofia. The only reason I was trying to control my impulse to kill Ashley after having fed on her was because she mattered to you. After I lost Vivienne because of you, I wanted to punish you. You weren’t here, so I punished someone you cared about instead.”
His reasoning and all the flawed logic it was based on was making my mind reel with anger. I couldn’t believe that he meant what he was saying, and I looked at him, wondering if he thought that “I’m a vampire” was reason enough to harm a defenseless innocent like Ashley. Unable to control my rage, I thought myself insane when I gave in to instinct and did the unthinkable.
I gave him the most defiant glare I could manage and steeled myself against the consequences of what I was about to do. “I’m here now, am I not? I’m the reason the hunters have your sister.” Trembling, I loosened the top two buttons of my blouse and pulled my right sleeve down my shoulder.
“Sofia? What are you doing?” His voice sounded choked and breathless, his eyes wide with both anticipation and shock.
I responded by gathering my hair over my left shoulder and tilting my head sideways so that the skin on my neck was exposed to him. I took note of how his body tensed as his fists clenched when he realized what I was doing.
“Sofia…”
“Well? What are you waiting for, Derek? Drink.” The challenge was clear. “I’m the one you want to punish, right? Claim justice for Vivienne.”
The silence was electric as I stood before him, wondering how he was going to react.
His move.
My heart dropped when he pushed me backwards, pinning me against the tree I was already leaning on. His right hand gripped my jaw, forcing my face to turn at an angle that allowed him more access to my neck. I gasped at the motion and my eyes fell into a distant stare, not daring to look his way.
“You should know better than to provoke a vampire,” he growled at me. From my peripheral vision, I saw his fangs coming out, the white of his teeth glimmering under the moon’s light. He was taking me up on my challenge.
“I’m not provoking a vampire,” I scoffed at him. My move. “I’m provoking you. Go ahead. Show me how much of the Derek I knew is lost to me.”
The short gasp that escaped his lips told me that I’d gotten through to him. Fangs retracted and fingers painfully gripping my jaw loosened before he stepped away from me.
I got a major win, but the match wasn’t over. I laid both palms on his chest and pushed him back. “Why do you stop? Who am I that you would spare me and not spare Ashley?” The questions floating through my mind came out in a violent rush and I emphasized each one by continuing to forcefully push against him. “Had I been here, would you have done to me what you did to her? Would you have taken enough blood to lead me almost to the brink of unconsciousness? Would you have carried me to your bed so that you could have your way with me while I lay there helpless? Would you have treated me the same way?!”
It seemed he had enough when he screamed, “No! I wouldn’t have!” He gripped me by the wrists to keep me from once again hitting him. Chills ran down my spine when I saw how he was looking at me. “I can’t even bear the thought of doing to you what I did to her.”
“Then how were you able to bear doing it to her?”
He looked away. His reason sounded pathetic. I knew it and he knew it. “I wasn’t able to control myself.”
I shook my head as I tried to get away from his grasp, his hands still keeping my wrists on hold. “That’s crap and you know it. I was with you for months. So were Ashley, Paige and Rosa… You never once touched us or brought harm to us. Don’t tell me you can’t control yourself, Derek. Just don’t.”