Sometimes, that’s the way it is with people. You think you can tell what they are based on the patterns that you see, but when you take a look inside, they’re nothing like you expect them to be.
That’s how it was with Vivienne. Of course, I never really understood her. She was always cold and aloof toward me while I was back at The Shade. It wasn’t that she disliked me. She just seemed indifferent, like I wasn’t deserving of her time, nor was I deserving of Derek’s.
Then she allowed me a peek inside her mind by sharing with me certain select memories from her past, and I knew that I would never be able to see her in the same way again. It was unnerving to see how much she feared the hunters. That’s why she was acting so strangely. She was probably able to sense them. And yet she stayed… She risked everything just to convince me to go back to The Shade.
I still had memories of the night Derek woke up, how fond they appeared to be of each other. My gut clenched at how Derek would receive the news of Vivienne having been taken by the hunters. I found it even more disturbing to think of what the hunters had in store for her.
All of it was too much to take in and as I tucked my hands inside the pockets of the hoodie I had on – the one that had Ben’s jersey number – eight – on it, I found that I kept thinking of what was best to do for Derek.
I couldn’t understand why he had such a hold on me that night. I meandered aimlessly throughout the neighborhood, wondering what to do until I my feet finally led me back to the house that had sheltered me for eight years. Seated on the three steps leading to its front door, I found Ben waiting for me. When he saw me approaching, he raised his eyes and I knew that I had done something to hurt him deeply.
“Ben…” I took a step toward him and saw what he had clutched in his hands. My heart sank. “I can explain.”
“You don’t have to.” He stood up and handed me the items stashed under my pillow.
He held my shoulders and kissed me on the forehead before revealing to me his intent. “I’m leaving at dawn to find the hunters. If I matter at all to you, you will join me. If you don’t, then I’ll take it as goodbye.”
“Ben, don’t do this…” Tears began to fall from my eyes. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.
He wiped the tears away with his thumbs, held my waist and pulled me against him before once again claiming my lips – gently at first then becoming rougher, hungrier, more demanding as the kiss went on. I gasped when our lips parted and drew a breath when his gaze fixed on my lips, still throbbing from his kiss.
“An ultimatum, Rose Red. This time, the choice I’m giving you is clear.” He glanced bitterly at the items I was clutching with both my hands. “You’re either with him or you’re with me.”
He left me standing by the front steps, afraid that any move I made would push me over fence I was balancing myself in. He was forcing me to choose a side. Tears blurred my eyes as I looked at what I was holding. One was the Polaroid shot Corrine sent to me – the one with Derek’s eyes on me – and the other was a sketchbook filled with page after page of the likeness of the vampire who still held me captive.
As I stood there, I found myself overcome by a single emotion: exhaustion. I was tired of pretending that things could get back to normal. In that regard, Ben was right. I was a fool to think I could simply send out applications to colleges and move on with my life as if The Shade never happened. I was tired of Ben and his ultimatum and all the pressure he was putting on me to make a choice between vampires and hunters. Most of all, I was tired of feeling guilty over the fact that I wanted to go back to The Shade – if only to see Derek again.
In many ways, Vivienne’s disappearance and Ben’s ultimatum were what pushed me over to Derek’s side of the fence. I questioned my sanity even as I returned to my bedroom and packed a bag. I was able to accomplish what had never been done before. I escaped The Shade and here I was… embracing the idea of going right back to it.
And yet, peace that transcended all understanding – peace that I hadn’t experienced since leaving The Shade – enveloped me the moment I made my decision to go back.
It made no sense, but it felt absolutely right. I smiled as I packed the last few belongings I had that were precious enough to take with me to The Shade. I checked the clock mounted on the wall. It was close to midnight. If I wanted to follow the path Vivienne set out for me, I didn’t have much time.
I sneaked into Ben’s bedroom. I had no choice but to take the keys to his truck. It was the only way I could reach the rendezvous point in time. I snuck in only to find him wide awake. He took one look at what I was wearing and knew that I’d already made my choice.
“Ben…” The words came out broken and forced.
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
“I’m sorry, Ben…”
“The key to the truck is in my jeans’ pocket.”
I was surprised that he would voluntarily help me considering how much he was against what I was doing, but I saw it for what it was. It was him letting go and supporting me in my decision even when it hurt him.
At that point, no matter how confident I was that I was making the right decision, it felt painful.
“Ben…”
“Don’t, Sofia… Just go…”
Tears moistened my eyes as I fished the key out of his pocket. “I’m going to text you where I parked it. I…”
“I guess Alyssa was right. Rose Red really does end up with the Beast…”
His words cut deep, but though they managed to scar me, they failed to deter me from what I set out to do. “Take comfort in knowing that the beast turned out to be not much of a beast after all.”
I got silence as a response. I moved toward the door. “I hope you know how much you mean to me, how much I love you. I hope you know that you will always be my best friend.”
“That’s what hurts the most, Sofia… knowing that I will always be nothing but your best friend.”
I spoke the words to soothe, but realized that they only added salt to the wound. The words basically translated to: It’s over between us, Ben. I was beginning to choke with tears so I hurried toward the door, unwilling to break down in front of him.
I still had one favor to ask, however, before going my way. I knew I didn’t have the right to ask it of him, but I felt obliged to. For Vivienne’s sake. “When you reach the hunters, Ben, do me a favor. Please find Vivienne. And try to make sure they don’t harm her.”