I hadn’t expected to find anyone in the theater at 7 AM. I had checked online, and it wasn’t booked by anybody. The rooms at school were open from 6.30 AM until midnight to all students to practise what they needed. Bigger rooms, like this theater, had to be booked in advance or used with the understanding that someone could book it at anytime. I hadn’t bothered, but I had figured no one else would be up this early. And I was right.
And so became my routine. Up early every morning, before the rest and into the theater just as the janitor unlocked the doors. The script to Beauty and the Beast became as natural to me as breathing. I had always wondered how it was possible to memorize a two and a half hour play, but I began to see it was easy. Deon was a lovely partner, who worked at my pace rather than surging ahead and expecting me to follow.
Sarah became my confidant again and we spoke every night. I dismissed Liam as a ‘bad idea that should have never happened’, and she pretended to believe me, even on nights when I didn’t believe myself.
And in class, Liam behaved like I was any other student. He spoke to me only when I needed direction and he was emotionless. His eyes were dark, cold and distant. We no longer caught each other’s gazes in class, no longer took separate directions just to sneak to my dorm.
With Liam not taking up all of my time, I began to make friends with my classmates, learning to trust them on and off stage. It was a slow process, of course, to learn to talk civilly to the girls that had shunned me for the first half of the semester. But now that Liam ignored me, their jealousy ebbed away, and we soon spent hours giggling in the hallways and reciting the same lines over and over until we were sick of them.
The girls showed me websites to submit for auditions on my own, and we often spent lunch hours tailoring each other’s resumes and emailing casting calls to each other. Although no one emailed me back, it felt like a good start; like I could do this on my own.
I was happy. I was afraid to admit it at first. I was afraid that things were too good and would disappear as quickly as they had appeared. But even Dad began to comment on the change in my manner, my speech and my mood. I was finally living the dream that I had longed for since I first set foot in the academy as a child, and being involved with the Headmaster had never been part of it anyway.
One morning, however, everything began to change.
The strands of the popular pop song reached my ears before I even fully opened the door to the theater. The lights in the audience were off, and the only light on was the main light on the stage. Porsche was flying through a dance routine, and attempting to cover the song as well, although her voice wasn’t quite the same as the pop singer.
She looked different than her ballet persona; her limbs moving with speed instead of slow grace and her red hair was flying all over the place. Porsche was gorgeous, in every way that counted, and I briefly wondered if Liam had told me the truth about their relationship. Or perhaps I had just been a pawn in the game.
“Sorry, I didn’t know the stage was in use,” I said, turning to go when she spotted me at the end of the song. She smiled, panting slightly and came to the front of the stage.
“No, no. I have an audition later so I thought I’d practise. But I would get slaughtered if anyone knew I was taking the stage from students. Hop on up.” She went to get a water bottle, gesturing to me to come up the steps. “How are you, Amy? I heard you were sick a while back.”
I blushed, looking away. The look that she gave me told me that she knew the full story behind it.
“What are you auditioning for?” I asked, changing the subject. She smiled.
“Broadway.”
“But you’re a ballerina! And a star ballerina!” I protested. She shrugged.
“Sure. But you can’t be a ballerina forever. Like being a model, you age out of it fast, or you get injured and have no backup plan. In musical theater, there are parts galore for an older crowd. So once ballet is over, I can continue to dance. And maybe sing. But I doubt it.”
“It sounded good,” I offered her an encouraging smile. “Are you here to teach too?” Porsche guest taught the dance classes whenever she was in town, often jet-lagged and right off a plane. Her life was something I could only dream of, and it gave me hope, that even with a beeping watch reminding me to take my pills, I could still have a good career.
“Possibly. Auditions can take five minutes or keep you waiting two hours, so it depends when I get back. I’m hoping to be back in time for the five o’clock class, but the audition is at three, so who knows.”
“Wow,” I said, awed despite myself. “Are you excited?”
She shrugged again, reaching to tie her hair back.
“The average working performer goes to ten auditions before getting one job, so you can’t dwell too much on all of them. My stats are a little higher, maybe one in five, but still not a reason to put all my eggs in one basket.”
“Oh,” I said as I reached the stage. “I guess my stats are about 1 in 1 right now.”
“The only audition you’ve done is for here?” she asked, surprised. “Really?”
“Really,” I shrugged. “Stroke of luck. Or…a little more”
“You have to come with me!” She said abruptly, and my mouth hit the floor.
“What? No, I can’t. I mean, I haven’t submitted, I haven’t rehearsed, I don’t even know what it’s for, I don’t have a resume, I don’t…”
“I’ll make a call.”
Liam’s deep voice surprised me from the wings. He approached from stage left, and unconsciously, I froze. I wasn’t quite sure what we were supposed to say or do now.
“That isn’t necessary,” I managed, finding my voice. Despite the fact that his voice was kind, it made me angry. I didn’t need any more hand outs. It was the first time we had spoken one on one since it happened. Mostly, he just barked directions at me from across the stage, and I obeyed them without answering.
“This industry is all about whom you know, Amy,” Porsche said a gentle smile on her face as she came to stand beside me. “And getting your foot in the door, however you can. Lots of people are talented, so you have to stand out.”
“But…” I started to protest.
“If you didn’t come here to try and succeed, why did you come?” Liam’s voice had taken on that cold distant chill that I used to know him so well for. There was no warmth between us, no light, and no connection any more. “Who’s the casting director?” He addressed Porsche without so much as meeting my eyes.