“I made it hard on them. I struck a deal with the kidnappers. Me for her. They sent me in, vest, helmet. I got in there and saw her. They’d had her three weeks by then but she’d lost so much f**kin’ weight, weight she couldn’t afford to lose. Her hair was… ” He stopped, closed his eyes, my heart slid up into my throat and he opened his eyes again and kept right on going. “I didn’t take much in. I was only there seconds. They had a gun to her head, blew it off, right in front of me then turned the guns on me. I took a number of hits and went down. They turned the guns on themselves. They were al dead by the time SWAT and the Feds got there.”
He stopped talking and I stayed where I was. My heart was stil in my throat, I could feel it beating there.
Final y, when he didn’t start again, I asked, “Mace, can I come to you now?”
He answered immediately, “No. I’m not done.” What else can there be? My brain asked.
Quiet! I snapped back.
“After that, I gave up everything, went to ground, disappeared. I joined an organization, I can’t tel you who and I never wil . They trained me. It was specialized training and I needed that training. I did what I had to do to get the job I had to get done, done. Then, for years, I did what I did for them at the same time I did what I had to do for Caitlin. I found out my father was involved and how. I can’t tel you about any of this shit. If you know, far worse people than Sidney Carter would want you dead and they’d be able to do it. Al you gotta know is that by the time I left, I did what I had to do for Caitlin. The person who gave the order to take her isn’t breathing anymore, Stel a, and I’m the reason he’s not. He died like she did, exactly like she did, I made sure of that.”
I swal owed, it was hard, considering I had a huge organ in my throat but I pushed the saliva down.
He kept right on talking and I thought that it was strange and alarming that his voice didn’t change. It was strong and sharp and completely devoid of emotion.
“I did shit I’m not proud of and lived in a world you wouldn’t be able to imagine and I don’t give a f**k. I did what I had to do for Caitlin and I got no problem with that. I can live with it.” He paused, his arms crossed on his chest then he asked, “The question is, can you?” Oh hel .
I didn’t know what to say. I needed some processing time and not the kind that involved sex.
When I hesitated, Mace kept at me and he was relentless.
“You told my father he had enough black marks on his soul to send him straight to hel . You gotta know, the heart you want into has its own strikes against it. No way to wash off the shit I did, it’s marked deep. That the kind of man you want sleepin’ in your bed?”
“Wel , you haven’t given me much choice up to now,” I replied.
“Now you got that choice.”
“You’ve never asked me these kinds of questions before,” I told him.
“I never expected you to learn this shit before.” I blinked. “You were going to keep it from me?”
“Until the day I f**kin’ died.”
I couldn’t believe that, didn’t even want to and my mouth dropped open before I snapped it shut and asked, “Why?”
“Because I never wanted you to look at me the way you’re lookin’ at me right now.”
Shitsofuckit.
I didn’t know how I was looking at him and tried to rearrange my face and shift us into safer waters. “How did you get involved with Lee?”
“Luke knew me, we worked together. He found out I was out, he told Lee to recruit me and now I’m here.”
“Luke? He –?”
“Yeah.”
“Does Ava know?” I asked.
“As much as she can know,” he answered. “Which I figure is about as much as you know.”
We stared at each other a few beats then I dropped my head and shifted the sheet tighter around me, thoughts tumbling around in my brain.
I wasn’t real y sure but al my thoughts seemed to be about the same thing.
Mainly that I knew, without a doubt, that my luck had changed.
After having a life of no love for so long, finding a guy who could love so deep that he’d sacrifice everything to avenge someone he cared about felt effing great.
That might make me a freak but I didn’t care.
I wasn’t going to say it out loud (not again) but, for as long as she had him, Caitlin Mason was one lucky girl.
And now, so was I.
“I’l take that as your answer.” I heard Mace say and my head snapped up to see he was moving to his boots.
“What’re you doing?” I asked.
He didn’t look at me when he answered, “Leavin’.”
“Why?” His head shot up and I kept talking. “Okay, so, I can’t pretend this doesn’t freak me out, because, erm… it’s freaky and intense but wel … that was then and this is now.
At least I know why you’re so effing moody al the time and why you have such a short fuse. I mean, the whole throwing the phone against the wal gig was freaky too but now I get it and –”
I stopped talking because he switched directions and was walking toward me.
“What’re you doing now?” I asked.
He didn’t answer and right before he made it to me, he dipped his shoulder like the footbal players do when they’re going to make a tackle. It went into my bel y and then I was going up.
“Mace!” I shouted. “What are you doing?”
He stalked (yes, stalked!) toward the bed, did a bump with his shoulder and then I was flying through the air. I landed on my back on the bed with a soft bounce and then Mace was on me.
I pushed against him. “Mace, we aren’t done talking.” His face was in my throat and his hands were tugging at the sheet. “We f**kin’ wel are,” he growled.
“There’s more to say.”
His head came up and he looked at me just as I heard the sheet tear.
“You stil love me?” he asked.
My eyes narrowed. “What kind of question is that?” I snapped.
“Answer it.”
“I wil not, it’s –”
“Answer it! ” he barked and I went stil at the ferocity in his voice.
Then I whispered, “Of course I do.”
“Then we’re done talkin’. I’m gonna f**k you until I’ve erased everything I’ve said. Until the only thing you can think of is my c**k inside you and my hands and mouth on you.