I wanted to be angry. It wasn’t me who was in love with someone else. It wasn’t me who had a fight in bar parking lot like a testosterone-fuelled idiot. However, for some reason, I was having trouble holding on to anger and instead felt something far, far worse.
“Which one?” he repeated.
“Luke, let me go,” I said quietly, mainly because my throat was closing even more and I couldn’t get more than a quiet sound out of my mouth. I swallowed as I felt the tears hit the backs of my eyes and I looked down at his fingers wrapped around my wrist. When he didn’t release me, I repeated, “Please, let go.”
“Look at me,” he returned, his tone low and vibrating with fury.
“Please let me go,” I whispered again and I felt the wetness in my eyes start to spill over just as he used my wrist to give me another yank. I really didn’t want to cry but I didn’t have a choice. It was either that or let my throat close completely, making me suffocate which, I thought distractedly, might not be a bad thing.
His fingers were beginning to get painful and I continued in a whisper. “You’re hurting me.”
He let my wrist go immediately, tore the bag out of my other hand and threw it in the sink. Then he advanced, pushing me back against the wall, his body coming in close, his heat hitting me.
I kept my face down and to the side and pressed my lips together trying to control my thoughts and the tears. His anger filled the room but it didn’t frighten me. All I could think was getting out, slicing off this part of my life and starting over, as soon as possible.
“Look at me, Ava,” Luke pressed. “Which one?”
“Step back, Luke,” I said in a small voice but he just pushed closer.
“I’ll take you to Zano myself the minute you f**kin’ answer me.”
I flinched as uncontrolled pain sliced through me at Luke offering to take me to Ren. I hated the idea that he was so through with me that he was ready to hand me off to another man. But there it was.
“Move away, please,” I said quietly.
He pressed even closer, his body now full frontal with mine and I was looking at his shoulder.
“You didn’t feel it at all, did you Ava?” he asked and I could tell by the sound of his voice that this was an important question. I didn’t know what he was talking about and I wasn’t going to ask.
I lifted my hands to his waist, grabbed fistfuls of his tee and pushed, pressing my bodyweight into his to move him back. The tears were streaming down my face and I was going to make sob noises soon, I just knew it. I didn’t want him to see me cry but I really didn’t want him to hear me make a sob noise.
“Move away,” I repeated.
“Who the f**k was it that you told Zano I was thinkin’ of when I was f**kin’ you?” he was back to his original topic, which was and was not a relief considering I knew what he was talking about this time but I still didn’t wish to participate in the discussion.
“Move away,” I said again.
“Answer me.”
That was when I lost it mainly because I couldn’t take any more. It was actually surprising I’d lasted this long. I looked up at him, not caring that he could see me cry.
I had to get out. Now.
I felt the sad desperation start to subside and anger start to take control and I held fast to the anger.
“Luke, move away!” I snapped but unfortunately my voice hitched on the end.
“Answer me!” Luke thundered and I’d had enough.
“Jules!” I yelled in his face. “Jules! All right?” I shoved at his shirt but he didn’t move an inch (per usual). Of course it was then that I made the humiliating sob sound in my throat but I powered through it. “I heard you call her ‘babe’, I saw you standing close, holding her face, stroking her cheek, just like you do to me. You were looking at her, like… like…” I couldn’t say it and I didn’t have to. It finally hit me that he couldn’t hold me pinned to wall not for another second, not one more f**king second.
“Move, the f**k, back! Right now!” I screamed.
He didn’t move, instead he stared at me, straight in the eyes with that scary, fury-unleashed look.
Then his gaze wandered, down the tracks of tears and something happened just like when he was angry at me when he thought I was yanking his chain and he ended up declaring I was his. At first it flickered in his eyes and then his face began to soften, the fury melting, the electricity sliding out of the room and I had the distinct feeling I was in more trouble than ever.
It was too late for me. I didn’t care what was happening with Luke, I was done. I’d buy more whatever it was I’d leave behind in his loft. I was going, immediately.
With a mighty, superhuman push, I moved Luke back an inch and slid out from in front of him and ran from the room. I kicked the lid closed on my bag and bent double to zip it but didn’t even get my hands on it before I was lifted in the air.
Foiled.
Always, always, foiled. Even when it mattered the most.
Luke settled me in his arms, carrying me like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold. I was still crying, pushing against his shoulders, kicking my legs and struggling like the bride from hell. My struggle didn’t last long. He planted a knee in the bed, dropped me on it and before I could move an inch, he covered my body with his.
Shit!
“Get off!” I shoved at his shoulders, arching my back, bucking my hips. It was like I didn’t move, his face was in my face and one of his hands came to my jaw. I jerked my head away and looked anywhere but at him.
“Did you tell Zano I was thinkin’ of Jules when I f**ked you?” His voice was quieter, softer and even though his complete change in tone took me off guard, I still kept my face averted.
I decided to answer his question. As far as I was concerned, the sooner this conversation was over, the better.
“Ren came up with that on his own. I just told him you were in love with someone else.”
“Ava, I’m not in love with Jules.”
Bullshit, I thought but did not say and kept looking away.
“Fine, great, sorry for the misunderstanding. Now if you’ll get up, I’m going home.”
“Babe, look at me.” Now he was using his gentle, affectionate voice and I had to bite my lip. The tears were still coming but they were subsiding. The Voice would make them come back full strength, I knew it.
“Please get off,” I repeated. “I need to go home.”