His head came up and he looked down at me. His eyes searched my face and then he dropped to his side, taking me with him.
When we were face-to-face and he had my leg wrapped around his hip, he asked, “What’s this now?”
“Nothing, just don’t call me babe. I don’t like it,” I lied. I had really loved it before, if I was honest with myself. Now, I hated it.
His fingers sifted through the hair at the side of my head and he kept his hand at the back and twisted my hair in his fist.
“You mean it,” he said.
“Yeah,” I told him.
“I’m not even close, am I?” he asked, what I thought bizarrely.
“Close to what?”
“To gettin’ through to you.”
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop right there.
Or, wait. Maybe, not.
“No, Luke. You’re not. I tried to tell you but you won’t listen to me,” I pressed closer to him and lied through my goddamn teeth. “You’re never going to get close. Trust me, it’s not gonna happen.”
“It’ll happen.”
“It won’t.”
“Yeah, it will.” He sounded sure of himself.
Holy cramoly!
Why me? What did I do?
I dipped my chin and tried to pull away but his arms got tight. I struggled a bit just in case he wasn’t in the mood to overpower me. I found, as ever, he was very much in the mood to overpower me.
Tom Petty (obviously Luke had Greatest Hits on random) started singing “Learning to Fly”. I gave up the struggle and listened to Tom.
After a few minutes, I said to Luke’s throat, “You want some ice cream?” I tilted my head back to look at him.
He tipped his chin down to look at me and said, “Yeah.”
He let me go and put on his sweatpants. I put on my underwear and his zip up sweatshirt.
We ate ice cream out of the tub, two spoons, Luke holding the tub, me dipping in while we sat on his kitchen counter.
And I realized on the third spoonful of peanut butter cup ice cream that I was sitting on the counter top in my pretend happy place.
And I was going to stay there.
For now.
Chapter Seventeen
Missed You
Seeing as I had a three-hour nap that afternoon, Luke fell asleep before I did.
I spent some time trying to fall asleep, but I couldn’t. So, carefully, I slid out from under his arm (we were spooning, his face in my hair, his arm around my waist) and I got up.
The Triumph tee was in the laundry so I went to the dresser where he took me to get it that first night, opened the drawer, grabbed whatever was on top and put it on. I slid on my panties then my glasses then shrugged on the sweatshirt and zipped it up.
I went to the floor to almost ceiling window, sat down on the floor beside it, knees to my chest, the side of my shoulder to the window. I pulled his tee and sweatshirt over my knees and hugged them, staring at his view.
Luke was on the fourth of five floors in a LoDo loft. I couldn’t see the mountains but I could see LoDo, its lights and brick buildings and there were still some people milling about on the streets though it was way late.
I rested my temple against the cold window and lost myself in thought.
I wondered what Marilyn and Sofia would think if they knew I was with Luke (they were never going to know, I would never hear the end of it when it was over). I wondered for the gazillionth time where my Dad might be. I wondered how the Rockies were doing in spring training.
I heard a movement and my head jerked away from the window as Luke settled behind me wearing his sweatpants. It was just plain old weird how a big guy like him could be so quiet.
Without a word, he settled with his legs around me, wrapped his arms around my chest, pressed his front against my back and rested his chin on my shoulder.
I felt a shiver slide through me, not from cold. “Did I wake you?” I asked in a whisper, like he was still sleeping.
“Yeah,” he told me.
“Sorry.”
His arms got tighter.
“You can go back to sleep,” I said.
“Prefer you were with me, babe.”
I closed my eyes and wondered if he would also prefer to be with Jules, sitting on the floor in the dark by his window. I figured he would.
I mentally pushed away those thoughts and said, “I can’t sleep. The nap.”
“I’ll wait.”
I was afraid he would say that.
We sat there, me looking out the window; I didn’t know what he was doing.
After awhile, I slid into my pretend happy place. Sitting on the floor in the dark with Luke, his arms around me, I slid in so deep, I whispered, “I wonder where my Dad is.”
His arms got tighter and his head shifted, his chin moving my hair out of the way so he could bury his face in my neck.
Mouth at my ear, he said, “You don’t have to wonder.”
My body went still. “Why not?”
“You want, I’ll find him for you.”
Oh… my… God.
“Really?” I whispered so low it was barely audible.
“Yeah.”
Then it hit me. “What would I owe you for that?”
He kissed my neck and his chin went back to my shoulder. “I would do that for free.”
I tried to put the brakes on it, tried to call “whoa” but I couldn’t. My body relaxed into his. His chin came up as he took my weight and the back of my head went to rest on his shoulder.
After awhile I said, “I don’t want you to find him for me. I don’t need another man f**king up my life.”
“Your call,” he replied softly.
I didn’t say any more. We sat there for a good, long while. Then he moved, pulling away, standing up. I looked at him as he leaned down, putting an arm around my waist, one at the back of my knees. He lifted me up and carried me to bed.
Once there he set me in it and followed me down, stretching out beside me. He took off my glasses and put them on the nightstand. Then he unzipped the sweatshirt and I pulled it off, throwing it on the floor by the bed. Then he lifted the tee over my head and threw it aside. Luke, I was learning, liked sleeping naked. He would tolerate panties but that was about it. Seeing as I liked the feel of his skin against mine I didn’t mind. He pulled me over his body, settled me on his other side and yanked the covers over us. He turned to me, hooking his hand behind my knee to wrap it around his hip.
“You could have put me in bed on this side,” I told him.
“That’s not as fun.”
I smiled in the dark. “You’re nuts,” I said. Finally feeling sleepy, I cuddled closer.