I did not want Luke to see me on all fours on the floor. It had grown somewhat chilly outside so I was wearing jeans, a pale pink thermal under a faded brown tee that had pink script on the front that said “Sah-weet” across my boobs and I was wearing pale pink Croc Mary Jane’s. I wasn’t flashing my ass or anything. Still, it wasn’t the best position to get caught in by Luke Stark.
I looked behind me, grabbing for the phone, but Luke wasn’t there. So I slowly lifted up and, eyes peering over the counter, I saw him and I froze. He was standing a few feet inside the front door facing Jules, body close to hers.
Ultra close.
He had his hand up to her jaw, like he had with me just hours before, thumb stroking her cheekbone. Worse, his face wasn’t semi-soft, still-hard. It was all-soft, totally soft in a way I’d never seen him look before in my life.
He was smiling at her, his eyes warm. Ultra warm.
He hadn’t called me “babe”. He didn’t even know I was there.
He’d called Jules “babe”.
What’s THAT all about? Bad Ava demanded.
Don’t jump to conclusions, Good Ava warned.
I jerked back down to all fours and started breathing deep, feeling bad feelings in fact, the worst feelings ever.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit!
I heard Ren’s voice coming from my phone on the floor. I grabbed it, flipped it shut and my mind screamed, escape!
I listened to my mind thinking, at that point, it knew what the hell it was talking about.
I started motoring, cell in my hand, scrambling on all fours, sliding on bouncy balls and pens as I went, crawling down the side aisle of books that ran the length of the store perpendicular to the eight rows of fiction. I got to row four when I saw movement at my side. I stopped and my head whipped around.
Jet and Eddie were making out in the M-N-O section. Eddie had Jet pressed against the books, one of his arms around her, hand under her shirt, the other hand up on the shelves by her head. It looked like they were two minutes away from bookshelf sex.
They broke off kissing but didn’t move away from each other and both of their gazes swung to me on all fours on the floor. Jet’s mouth dropped open. Eddie’s brows went up.
“Erm… sorry,” I mumbled, gained my feet and ran through the front section into the middle section where there were more books and a big table topped with dozens of milk cartons filled with old vinyl, through that room and to the back room which was more books.
I went to a corner (Women’s Studies) and started hyperventilating.
Get out of here, now! Bad Ava screeched.
Go talk to Luke! Good Ava cried.
I didn’t listen to either of them.
All I could think was that I knew Jules and Luke were close. I could tell by the way she talked about him and the way he talked about her. I thought about the pain that moved through his face when he thought of seeing her bleeding on the floor and I didn’t get it at the time.
Now I got it.
I’d never seen that in Luke, that vulnerability, not outside of what little he showed whenever I was around him after he was in a rip roarin’ with his Dad. Never for one of his girlfriends, never for anyone, not even me.
He’d never looked at me with a full on soft look, not when my Dad left, not when he saw one of my sisters be bitchy to me, not even when he was inside me.
I leaned against the bookshelves.
He was in love with her. He would, of course, be in love with her. She looked like a movie star. And I was just Fatty, Fatty Four-Eyes, the girl across the street holding onto a screaming crush.
Okay, so I wasn’t really Fatty, Fatty Four-Eyes anymore, but… I was.
Worse, I always would be.
My phone rang in my hand and I jumped. The display said “Ren calling”.
I flipped it open and put it at my ear. “Hey,” I said breathlessly.
“What the f**k?” Ren clipped into my ear. “Are you okay?”
No! I thought.
“Yeah,” I said but that one word didn’t even convince me.
“Ava –”
I closed my eyes and blurted in a whisper, “I need to get out of here.”
“Where are you?” Ren asked, now he was sounding concerned.
“Fortnum’s.”
“Where’s Santo?”
“I don’t know.”
“Fuck,” he snapped. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be there in ten.”
“No! Ren, no.”
Santo walked into the back room, his head swung around and his eyes caught mine. Then he walked to me.
“Santo’s right here,” I told Ren.
“Come to me,” Ren ordered.
“What?” I asked.
“Have Santo bring you to me.”
My heart stuttered. “Ren –”
“Do it. I’ll be waiting.”
Disconnect.
I stared at Santo, my mind racing, my heart beating so strong I thought it’d jump out of my chest. That was my only thought. My mind didn’t have the capacity to process any more.
Then Santo’s phone rang, he flipped it open, listened for five seconds and said, “Right,” he flipped it shut and looked back to me. “We’re going to Ren,” he said firmly.
I just kept staring at him. Then, I didn’t know why, I nodded my head.
We walked through the books, the vinyl and down the center aisle of the front room. Luke was walking toward us. His eyes were warm when they caught mine then, immediately, they went on alert. I looked away as I approached him and went to move by him. He caught my upper arm, I came up short and lifted my eyes to his.
“What’s happening?” he asked, brows drawn.
“I have to be somewhere,” I told him.
His gaze moved from me to Santo and I pulled my arm from his hand and kept walking (albeit a lot faster), Santo following.
I was at the passenger door to the Volvo when I heard the scuffle. I turned and saw Luke holding Santo back with a hand at his chest. He gave a shove, barely a movement of his arm but Santo fell back several paces. Luke turned to me and advanced, pinning me against the Volvo.
“What’s goin’ on?” he asked, his voice low and lethal.
“Nothing, Luke. I have to be somewhere. I’ll see you later at the loft,” I replied, my voice small, my eyes skidding away from his.
I tried to slide away but he got even closer, his hand went to my jaw, his thumb splayed on my cheekbone and I looked at him.
“Babe,” he murmured, eyes warm on mine.
At that word pain sliced through me. Against my will and to my total mortification, I felt tears well in my eyes. He saw them and got ultra close. His face softened but not completely. Not even close.